Taylor Momsen! We’ve missed you! Where have you been? Distance must make the heart grow fonder because the longer she’s off our blog, the more we seek her out. And here she is in all her glory, getting off a bus in Vienna, Virginia to perform with her band The Pretty Reckless. Is it that we haven’t seen her in awhile, or did her eyes get even more raccoon-like? It seems that way but we’ve only got one eye to review, in this picture. And the HAIR. Limp but braided — way to change things up, Tay. There’s something so reassuring about the fact that her clothes are still shredded and the hooker-garters are still on. No matter what happens, we’ll always have that scowling, chalky, face to make us feel better about ourselves. Bless you, Taylor.
As you are perusing the Internet this morning, you are no doubt as hungover as we are from a combination of turkey coma, red wine and whatever the hell that dessert was that Aunt Bertha whipped up for Thanksgiving. And although yesterday was technically the day that we were supposed to give thanks for all that’s good in our world, we here at TheFABLife figured we’d give you something else to give thanks for this holiday weekend. Specifically, the fact that you’re NOT on our list of the Top 50 Worst Fashion Moments of 2010. That is, unless your name just so happens to be Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus, Rihanna, Ke$ha, Blake Lively, or one of the many other unfortunate souls who were included in this countdown. In which case, better luck next year!
We are pleased to present the metaphorical naked baby picture to end all metaphorical naked baby pictures! Long before she morphed into angst personified and then bitten by a radioactive raccoon, Taylor Momsen was…well, absolutely precious. And very handy around the kitchen, as evidenced by this 1997 Shake ‘n’ Bake commercial!
Is it just us, or does the fury with which the three-year-old Taylor shakes the bag give us a small hint of the pissed-off punk fury to come? Who’d have thought that every mother’s nightmare used to be mommy’s little helper! Will she ever find her way from wake ‘n’ bake back to the Shake ‘n’ Bake? Only time will tell. But for now, here’s a sound we never thought we’d make while writing about Taylor Momsen: “Awwwwwww!”
What should a person who cant legally smoke, drink or vote (our three favorite pastimes) do to stave off boredom? Might we suggest starting an ill-advised public battle? Miley Cyrus is allegedly p to the od following Taylor Momsen‘s choice words about Cyrus’ music career. Or as Momsen puts it, “Disney bubblegum s**t.”
We think that is pretty hilarious, given that at her age we were still singing “Part Of Your World” into a hairbrush in front of the mirror. But then again, we also went to prom with our cousin Steven, so we might not be the authority on being a bad-ass. According to the source, now “Miley is furious – who wouldn’t be? She thought Taylor was pretty cool until this happened, which has left her totally confused.”
We completely understand, Miley, since we are often confused by Taylor Momsen, which leads to a lot of unanswered questions. For example, where is that girl’s mother? Adds the source, “Taylor is so obviously desperate for fame. I mean, she’s traipsing around town in her underwear, or is that for the love of the music too?” Whoa, whoa, hey now! Making it that personal seems like a bad move. Have you ever actually seen Taylor Momsen? In 10th grade or not, one look in her eyes and you can tell she would rip a person’s head clean off their shoulders without thinking twice.
We would love, love, love for this feud to end with Miley sprouting giant black hawk wings ala the “Cant Be Tamed” video and shredding Taylor’s soiled lingerie collection, but in reality its probably just going to involve a lot of pouting and giving each other the side eye. But we can always dream, cant we?
– Halle Kiefer
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