by (@hallekiefer)

Train Sells “Drops Of Jupiter” Wine For No Comprehensible Reason

Introducing the band Train’s Drop Of Jupiter wine, which finally solves  the question, “What would compel somebody to wear high heels while they’re exercising?” It does not, however, answer the question, “What person on the face of the planet would possibly buy Train wine?”

Besides being named after Train’s Billboard 100 Top 5 hit, Drops Of Jupiter the beverage is just one of the many vintages available through Train’s wine club, for those whose refined palates will not allow them to drink a beverage not carefully selected by a band most popular in 2001. Drops will be a 2009 Petit Sirah and, we’re assuming, taste remarkably like the best soy latte that you’ve ever had…and pee. With bottles priced at $9.99, you’ll be dancing along the light of day and head back toward the Milky Way in no time, or more likely, dancing on your neighbor’s lawn while the cops ask you please, for the last time, to put your top back on.

by (@unclegrambo)

They’re On The Wrong Track, Baby, They Were Dressed This Way: Top 10 Grammy Awards WTF Fashion Moments

This year’s Grammy Awards were very good to Lady Antebellum and Arcade Fire (winners of Song/Record of the Year and Album Of The Year, respectively). They were not, however, quite as good to the ten people that you’ll see below. Whereas the likes of Rihanna and Jennifer Lopez scored high in our gallery of the Top 15 Sexiest Grammy Awards outfits, we had some reservations about some of the fashion choices made by Lady Gaga, Kate Hudson, Cee Lo Green, Lenny Kravitz and more this evening. Sure, some of these outfits weren’t meant to be taken seriously (hi Cee Lo!), but they still had us scratching our heads and asking ourselves, “WTF?!?”

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[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

“Drops Of Jupiter” Incites Charlie Sheen To Violence, Everyone Else To Vomiting

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In the latest human disaster news, Charlie Sheen is citing Train‘s “Drops of Jupiter” as the impetus for the crazy attack he committed against wife Brooke Mueller on Christmas 2009. According to Sheen, Mueller became jealous of his relationship with his daughter, which included loving Train’s 2001 hit single and using “two tracking telescopes… so they could both look at the same point in the universe at the same time, as a way of staying connected.” Let’s hope his daughter was looking up at the sky; if not, she may have caught a glimpse of her father’s career spiraling toward the ground in flames.

Mueller was supposedly enraged by the two’s close bond; Sheen quotes her as saying “You have a song with you share with your daughter, but not one with me?”, provoking both of them to “slap” at “each others’ hands or wrists.” We could not make this foolishness up if we tried. Seriously though, this is a great tactical move for Sheen. Most people agree that nothing makes you look less like a crazy monster person than explaining how a cheesy pop song incited you to manhandle your girlfriend. “Well, Your Honor, you see, I had a telescope and that Train song was playing and one thing lead to another…you know how it is. May I leave jail now?” Of course we know how it is! We can’t tell you how many times we’ve just been hanging out, looking through our telescopes and being total nutter-butters, when all of a sudden we committed a horrible crime against another person! Happens to the best of us! Oh no, sorry, we meant “the worst of us.” It happens to the worst of us. [Photo: Getty Images]