Dear Universe: in case you had somehow forgotten, Lindsay Lohan isn’t just some super-freckly nude Playboy model and/or frequently participant in our nation’s judicial system. She is first and foremost a legitimate actress! As a reminder, Lilo casually let photogs get a glimpse of the screenplay she’s reading while arriving with Ali Lohan at New York’s JFK airport. What, you don’t carry your scripts with the cover out over your face? Clearly you’re not as dedicated to the craft! Now that we know Lindsay courting a potential new role (like real actresses do!), what film do you think she just happened to be perusing at that exact moment?
Well, it looks like this Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy shoot is really happening, at least according to her mom. And who doesn’t want their mother talking to the press about their nude magazine pictorial? Anyone? Anyone? “The photo shoot went well,” Dina Lohanreported to X17online after photographers snapped photos of Lilo entering the Playboy Mansion on Tuesday. Dina didn’t go into details as to how a nude photo shoot would go badly, but we’re assuming it would involve a bunch of marbles spilled on the floor and Hugh Hefner getting accidentally kicked in the face.
Ali Lohan allegedly tagged along to the shoot as well, and unless they were all just having their picture taken for the family Christmas card, we’re going to recommend that you take a steaming hot shower, and vigorously scrub the skeeve off your brain. Oh wait, think about how Lindsay is being offered $1 million to have a sex toy modeled after her lady business, then go take a mind shower. The only this missing from this picture (besides Lindsay’s pants) is of course Michael Lohan, though all of a sudden, his third-story leap to freedom makes a whole lot more sense. Who would want to miss something America has been quietly predicting since I Know Who Killed Me was released?
Ali Lohan’s face, and the plastic surgery allegations it inspired last month, had us kind of concerned about the younger Lohan’s modeling career. How would she keep booking gigs if she looked like a new strong-browed woman at every single shoot? Luckily, Ali Lohan’s Fault Magazine cover has her looking infinitely more modelicious than we would have predicted. Okay, so maybe you can’t see half of Ali’s head due to those gigantic sunglasses, and the use of black-and-white sort of makes her freckles look like a sun damage screening taken after she feel asleep under a lawn chair, but still! We can see the potential. The truth is, Ali’s alternate cover, complete with black lipstick, has her looking downright…fierce.
Ooof. Well this is awkward. Lindsay Lohan caused quite a stir when she arrived at Cythia Rowley’s New York fashion show on Friday night. But unlike Nicki Minaj, it wasn’t because of what she was wearing. Hell, it wasn’t even because she was Lindsay Lohan. Apparently it’s because people thought she was 55-year old fashionita and plastic surgery victim enthusiast Donatella Versace. Oooh, that’s gotta sting. According the New York Magazine, Lindsay staged her big entrance right as the lights went low and the show was about to begin. And with her newly platinum locks, suspiciously plump lips, orange-hued skin, inappropriately tiny shorts and equally inappropriately huge sunglasses, the 25-year old starlet was a dead ringer for the elder Versace.
“Then, the entire room full of journalists sat ramrod straight and let out excited, disbelieving, four-letter expletives as we all realized this was actually Lindsay Freaking Lohan,” reports The Fug Girls. “The take-home here for Lindsay should be that we all initially mistook her for somebody much crispier who is thirty years her senior.” The photo you see above was taken back in 2009, so we shudder to think how the two look side by side right now. Between this and reports that little sister Ali has undergone plastic surgery, it has not been a good week to be a Lohan face! Is it in the genes to age weirdly? Or is it in the genes to make bad decisions?
Check out pix from that fateful night in the gallery below!
Well, we can’t argue with that, because the teen did look alarmingly skinny, raising concerns of her physical well being. “She is very underweight. By looking at her cheekbones you can tell she has muscle wasting going on,” Dr. Majid Ali, the editor of The Journal of Integrative Medicinetells RadarOnline. “I’m unsure how she is losing weight but she has the look of someone who may binge and purge plus calorie restrict.” Great.
The natural reaction would be to suspect modeling, an industry which admittedly does place a great deal of pressure on women to obsess over body image. But Ali’s agency is also claiming that littlest Lohan hasn’t gone under the knife, and is just growing up. ”As a young girl who is growing up, it’s natural for her facial features to change slightly,” says a rep from Ali’s agency, NEXT Model Management. “We see this with many of the younger models we represent.” Ahhh right, this is also known as, ‘The Michael Jackson Defense.’ But still, numerous top doctors protest otherwise. Prominent New York surgeon Dr. Jon Turktells US Weekly that “It appears that she has had a rhinoplasty and chin implant, giving her a narrower and more defined nose as well as a stronger jawline.”
Seeing as how most of us assumed she’d be pregnant or wearing an ankle monitor or pregnant and wearing an ankle monitor by now, Ali Lohan’s modeling contract comes as a big victory for those in the Lohan clan still interested in having a paying job. “In fashion, Ali will set herself apart as a bona fide icon,” says NEXT director Alexis Borges of his modeling agency’s newest face. “One that fashion fans will follow not because of her famous last name, but because of the beautiful images and fashion trends she is helping create.” Even better, NEXT won’t have to set-up all her photo shoots in her living room, since she’s not under house arrest all the time, unlike some people we could mention.
Ali Lohan’s new Twitter account now simply reads, “Model,” as in “Yes, I’m just a model, rather than a model and a relative of the lead from I Know Who Killed Me.” The younger Lohan has had some modeling experience prior to signing her multi-year contract, having posed for her sister’s fashion line 6126 early this year. A collection, we’re assuming, Ali will now be using to wax her Bugatti Royale.
According to her Twitter, Lindsay Lohan is in Miami “working.” Said the actress this weekend, in her best Yoda impression: “Been working in miami, long day, tired girl i am.” These days, work for Lindsay seems to be either a vanity photo-shoot of some sort, releasing statements about her dad or promoting that Gotti movie that inexplicably just added Al Pacino to the cast. But sure, that sounds exhausting. (ROFLz) Obviously Linds needed to balance out all that employment with some poolside R&R in Miami, where she lounged, grimaced and ate a salad with her sister Ali in tow. Sure enough she was discovered by the paps, much to her disappointment. Again, on her Twitter: “Cant i just be with my sister @ a pool and have our salad!!!!! grrrrr”
Er, doesn’t she know by now that the answer to her question is “no?”
What’s that cracking sound? Could it be…our heart warming?! Yes, we’re feeling tingly all over admiring this pic of Les Siblings Lohan, who enjoyed a Knicks games together last night in NYC. Lindsay looks genuinely happy (as do the rest of the Lohan crew) and we can’t remember the last time we saw a smile on her face that wasn’t forced into place with some weird injection.
We’ve always been a bit of a Lo-fan, and we’d be thrilled if Lindsay actually was able to crawl her way out of the insanity jungle she lives in and come out on top. Maybe her siblings can help her get there – Michael Jr. seems like a regular dude (wish we could say the same for his namesake), and lil gingerific Cody is presh. We know Ali has positioned herself as Lindsay Jr. in the past, but even she seems carefree and giddy in the pic above. Sibling love does a crazy family good! Long live the Lo-Clan.
As part of Carvel’s 75th Anniversary celebration last year, we issued 75 Black Cards to celebrities. These cards were issued in the celebrity’s name and require the card holder to be present at the time of use…Unfortunately, the Lohan family has been abusing the card. While the card was issued in Lindsay and Ali’s names only, her extended family has repeatedly used the card without either present. At first, we graciously honored their requests while explaining that the Black Card was not a carte blanche for unlimited Carvel Ice Cream for the extended Lohan family and friends. After more than six months of numerous and large orders for ice cream, we finally had to cut off the card and take it back.
Dina Lohan reacted badly and called the police to have her card returned. The police responded and did return the card to Dina with instructions not to use it again. This is an unfortunate situation where certain people feel entitled to use a celebrity’s name for their own purposes. We regret that the Lohan family is upset and hope this matter is put behind us quickly.
While Dina claimed that the cops were called on her, the mad mama’s claim that a helicopter took part in the stand-off more than suggests she’s an unreliable narrator. Hey, Deen-deen, looks like you do not “get treated so much worse than regular people” after all. See, regular people don’t get $25 worth of free ice cream for the rest of their lives, and they certainly don’t try to take their daughter’s. Don’t make us forget that Michael’s even crazier, ok?
We don’t make a practice of sympathizing with Dina Lohan, but it sounds like her treatment at a Carvel Ice Cream store on Long Island really did take the cake (hiyo!). Lindsay Lohan‘s mama was trying to pick up an ice cream cake for her son Cody‘s 14th birthday, which she planned to pay for with her “black” Carvel card (allegedly allowing you free ice cream for 75 years!) when the clerk noticed the card was Ali Lohan’s. That’s when shit got real. “The shop assistant said, Ã¢â‚¬ËœDo you have I.D.?Ã¢â‚¬â„¢Ã¢â‚¬Â Dina told Radar Online. Ã¢â‚¬Å“Next minute he he grabbed my arm and took my card and held it hostage and wouldnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t give me the cake! This guy was crazy!…Next minute, four cop cars showed up, thereÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a police helicopter over head and this guy makes it seem to the cops that IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m trying to use a stolen credit card—and for what? Over a free ice cream?!Ã¢â‚¬Â While it’s possible a helicopter was involved, we should remind you that this story is being told by Dina Lohan.
Sadly, neither a gunfight nor the sale of an ice cream cake followed. “He wouldnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t give [my card] back…not even to the cops!Ã¢â‚¬Â she continued. “Finally he gave up and gave me my card back. But he told me, Ã¢â‚¬ËœYou can have the card, but you canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t have the cake!Ã¢â‚¬â„¢ It just shows how we get treated so much worse than regular people.Ã¢â‚¬Â Actually, regular people who try to use Ali Lohan’s “black” Carvel card probably get shot in the face. “Just wait until Lindsay and Ali hear about this,” she said (sadly, Lindsay has yet to comment). “When Ali gets back, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m going to bring her in everyday to this store — and you can print that!” We will, Dina. We all will.