We feel like we’re just now waking up from a amnesia-inducing coma, only to discover that our dedicated, loyal husband is none other than Channing Tatum! Except in this scenario, our husband is Ashton Kutcher playing Steve Jobs and our coma was brought on by Ashton’s performance on Two And A Half Men. Does that analogy make any sense at all? We hope so, because what we’re trying to say is the new clip from Kutcher’s upcoming Steve Jobs biopic jOBS suggests that Ashton is bringing it, intensely-ambitious-computer-genius-style.
Between his sitcom day job, The Butterfly Effect and the fact the Steve Jobs movie is named jOBS (which is the worst), we guess we weren’t expecting much from the Kutch. Before you leap all over us to point out that Ashton has actually been pretty great since That ’70s Show, we will admit that we thought both Ashton and Mila Kunis were kind of blah on that late nineties sitcom, and we were wrong on both accounts. Since we were in the minority when it came to Ashton’s performing skills, we’re guessing we’re also in the minority of people who think Josh Gad is kiiiind of hot in costume as Steve Wozniak in that clip? We aren’t? Haha, yeah. We knew it.
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are #1! Well, of course, you knew that already, but the latest way they’re on top is a rather convoluted (are there any other kind) list from Forbes: “Hollywood’s Highest-Grossing Romantic Couples.” To come up with this list, the magazine calculated domestic box-office grosses from romantic movies in the past three years. That meant that the Twilight stars were the only ones with more than one movie in the mix. (Sarah Jessica Parker and Chris Noth landed at #4 with only the second Sex and the City movie counted.)
So, yeah, the numbers feel a little awkward, but Twilight’s $3 billion gross (in more than the past three years) was bound to trump the others no matter how you twist things. Plus, it’s a fun list to look at. Here are the rankings:
1. Rob and Kristen, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn Parts 1 and 2, $1.17 billion
2. Channing Tatum and Rachel McAdams, The Vow, $125 million
3. Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler, Just Go With It, $103 million
4. Sarah Jessica Parker and Chris Noth, Sex and the City 2, $95 million
5. Julianne Moore and Steve Carell, Crazy, Stupid, Love., $84 million
6. Channing Tatum and Amanda Seyfried, Dear John, $80 million
7. Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher, No Strings Attached, $71 million
8. Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus, The Last Song, $63 million
9. Zac Efron and Taylor Schilling, The Lucky One, $60 million
10. Robert Pattinson and Reese Witherspoon, Water for Elephants, $59 million.
We’re not exactly sure how divorces usually work (We gave up on our law degree to blog about Miley Cyrus’ dogs!), but a year seems like more than enough time for Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore to conclude that they really don’t want to be married to each other any more. Really. Us Weekly reports that Ashton filed divorce papers with the L.A. Superior Court today, citing “irreconcilable differences” as the reason for the split. We’re not saying his move has anything to do with his months-long relationship with Mila Kunis, but you know how it is: every woman dreams of one day dating a guy who isn’t currently married to Demi Moore. Blame all those Disney princess movies!
According to TMZ, Kutcher isn’t requesting spousal support, and asked that Moore be denied any requests to get spousal support in return. (We imagine that isn’t such an unusual request when both parties are millionaires.) The other reason we’re psyched to see Demi and Ashton’s six-year marriage come to an official close? It’s been almost a year since Moore entered rehab after what seemed to be a drug-related medical emergency. Now she’s looking healthy, hanging out with Lenny Kravitz and kissing 26-year-old art dealers. Seems like the right time to turn the page.
So, y’all know that Ashton Kutcher is starring in a biopic based on Steve Jobs life, right? The working title is jOBS and news has released that it will premiering at Sundance, and will be the closing event at the festival next year, in January. The first promotional picture of Ashton in character as the late Jobs appeared on the Sundance website yesterday — you can see it above — and we have to say our jaws dropped flat to the the ground. Especially if you compare it to the photograph below.
That’s the actual Steve Jobs in a photo that dates circa 1981-82, taken from All About Steve Jobs, which is a pretty incredible site. The resemblance between the two is just uncanny. We’ve been reading reports of how Ashton fits the role perfectly but now we can see it for ourselves. Josh Gad (who plays Steve Wozniak) was right when he told US Weekly last month at the BAFTA Brittania Awards, “Ashton is going to blow a lot of people away. His performance was absolutely transformational. If he looked any more like Steve Jobs, I think it would just confuse a lot of people . . . It’s that uncanny.”
Surprisingly absolutely no one, word came today that Angus T. Jones will “likely” be leaving Two And A Half Men after this season. It turns out, most people’s bosses don’t like when you publicly refer to your workplace as “filth” and encourage people to avoid it. It’s a lesson each employee must learn. Of course, Jones’ alleged departure is really only one sign that Two And A Half Men has run its course. In case you needed more persuading, consider the fact that…
The rest of us get older, but Demi Moore does not. Check out the photo above for proof! The pic on the left is taken 30 years before the pic on the right? Can you tell the difference? We didn’t think so. From her 80s teen movie days (St. Elmo’s Fire, anyone?), to 90s superstardom with monster blockbusters like Ghost and A Few Good Men and most recently staring along side Miley Cyrus in LOL, she hasn’t changed a bit. Except for that bit in G.I. Jane when she shaved her head, we guess. That was pretty noticeable.
Even though the former brat-packer has had rough year with her split from Ashton Kutcher, hospitalization and subsequent stint in rehab, the lady has never looked anything less that completely flawless and fabulous. Can you believe Ms. Moore turns the big 5-0 today? We couldn’t believe it either. The actress has started partying early, hanging out in India along side Kate Moss, Naomi Campbell and 200 other friends. Much nicer than last year’s divorce news! In honor of Demi’s 50th, we’ve assembled her 30 most memorable styles from through the years. Enjoy!
There was a huge commotion outside Ashton Kutcher‘s L.A. home yesterday. TMZ informed us that the L.A.P.D received a very worrying phone call from a woman claiming that there were Russian men at Ashton’s house, robbing stuff from it as she was speaking. She said Ashton wasn’t home, and she had locked herself into one of the bathrooms to hide. Sources claimed that the police, who rushed to the scene (in helicopters too, natch), found the whole thing to be a misunderstanding and that the “woman” was nowhere to be found. Three men were, allegedly, questioned but as it turns out, they were probably just workers at the property. Was this a joke of some weird sort? What the hell was going on? We wanted truth, not allegations!
The police have now confirmed that a call was not made to them, but the whole Russians-in-the-house palaver was conveyed through a teletext. The police rep also stated that the message was, in all likelihood, a hoax. Sources now tell TMZ that they’re trying to track down the pranksters. There were three people in the house but no one is a suspect. Crisis averted. But if the cops find whoever is responsible, then there’s going to be hell to pay!
I’ve been staring at these photos of Miley Cyrus from her upcoming guest appearance on Two and a Half Men all day now. And while you might get hung up on the photo of her in cute lingerie, sitting in bed with a shirtless Ashton Kutcher, that’s not what compelled me most. Something about the other two cute outfits appealed to me on an entirely different level, and I finally put my finger on it. Miley is totally channeling all the ladies I looked up to in the ’90s! She’s got the skimpy floral thing that characterized oh so many of Tiffani Amber Thiessen’s Kelly Kapowski costumes on Saved By the Bell. And then the combat boots and punky hairstyle that remind me of the edgy feminine styles of Courtney Love, Juliana Hatfield and all the other ladies who stared back at me from the pages of my Sassy magazine. I kind of love it. How about you? Enjoy a little Kelly love and then check out the full Miley pics below.
The hot sun, the warm sand, the intoxicating scent of bug spray: yes, the summer time is prime time for hook-ups, both celebrity and original flavor. From the clam-chowder-and-madras-plaid love of Taylor Swift and Conor Kennedy, to the surprise engagement of Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger (their wedding is going to be designed by Hot Topic, right?), check out our favorite hook-ups from summer 2012, and wish you hadn’t spent the last three months inside on your computer:
Once you’ve allegedly referred to your friend/former That ’70s Show costar as your “little wife,” chances are everyone is going to start monitoring your dates with a focus approaching laser intensity. (Especially if you, you know, still technically have a wife somewhere.) Such was the case this week when Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher attended a Dodgers game with Mila’s parents. The two are admittedly a super-hot couple, which is probably why Mila held a baseball cap over their faces when they shared an intimate moment. But were they definitely kissing? The pervert in us says yes, but there are plenty of reasons why two adult human beings would hide their love under a sweat hat. For example, maybe the Dodgers politely asked Mila to cover up, as her beauty was distracting them at a pivotal point in the game. Or maybe Ashton wanted to show off his new tongue ring, or…