In case you live in some kind of maximum security prison on the moon and only just got internet access today, Men In Black III opened this weekend! While we know you and your sunburned relatives saw it, the threequel to Will Smith‘s career launching film allegedly only pulled in $70 million in the U.S. Despite the price of 3D tickets and Smith’s established reputation as an eerily youthful box office guarantee, that’s actually less than what the first MIB pulled made its first weekend. So what could have drawn an audience to MIB III of the same size and intensity that flocked to MIB? We don’t know much about movies, but having seen the flick, our spoilery suggestions include:

1. We came for aliens, not time travel! If we wanted time travel with a few aliens sprinkled in, we would watch Back To The Future and Earth Girls Are Easy on two TVs simultaneously.
2. The jokes might have had too much Big Willie style! Remember when there was that rumor last year alleging Will Smith hired his own writer for MIB III, a writer that the other writers were initially unaware existed? After seeing this movie, we wouldn’t be surprised. “The comedy of Men In Black is not exactly my comedy,” Will said at the movie’s premiere. He said it! Not us!
3. The last movie was ten whole years age! Maybe give the kids some way to get into the film if it they weren’t obsessed with MIB in eighth grade like we were? Then maybe 56% of the film’s audience wouldn’t  have been over 25.
4. Emma Thompson is wasted talent! Excellent hair, but wasted talent.
5. *The super spoiler alert we’re going to write for our #5 so be warned* Who would leave a three-year-old in a car parked unattended on the beach? That’s the craziest part of the movie, and half the cast is literally aliens.

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Men In Black III hits theaters tomorrow, and director Barry Sonnenfeld could not be more thrilled…with how crazy successful he helped Will Smith become. “I’m so excited that I get to bring Will back to the big screen after four years of not being in the theaters,” Sonnenfeld gushed at the film’s premiere, reminiscing about the young actor he hired for the first MIB back in 1997. “In fact, we cast him from Fresh Prince. He hadn’t been in Independence Day or anything.” Joked Sonnenfeld, “I think Will Smith pretty much owes me his career.” The Hancock actor might not agree with the “entire career” part, but Smith definitely recognizes the films’ influence on his mega-stardom. “He hooked me up pretty good,” Will admitted. “This franchise is probably hands down the biggest franchaise of my career.” Laughs Smith, “I owe him a little bit. I’ll give him his props.”

Just a little bit, Will? Because after revisiting some of your early parts, we understand it if you constantly had Barry Sonnenfeld in a teary bear hug. Yes, we know Will’s break-out TV role was in Fresh Prince, but when it came to Smith’s film career, those early roles were a…lot less memorable roles. Homeless wheelchair-bound runway, anyone? Gay conman? Check them out for yourself, and ponder where Big Willie’s career would be if he had never put on that black suit to begin with:

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