In case you live in some kind of maximum security prison on the moon and only just got internet access today, Men In Black III opened this weekend! While we know you and your sunburned relatives saw it, the threequel to Will Smith‘s career launching film allegedly only pulled in $70 million in the U.S. Despite the price of 3D tickets and Smith’s established reputation as an eerily youthful box office guarantee, that’s actually less than what the first MIB pulled made its first weekend. So what could have drawn an audience to MIB III of the same size and intensity that flocked to MIB? We don’t know much about movies, but having seen the flick, our spoilery suggestions include:
- We came for aliens, not time travel! If we wanted time travel with a few aliens sprinkled in, we would watch Back To The Future and Earth Girls Are Easy on two TVs simultaneously.
- The jokes might have had too much Big Willie style! Remember when there was that rumor last year alleging Will Smith hired his own writer for MIB III, a writer that the other writers were initially unaware existed? After seeing this movie, we wouldn’t be surprised. “The comedy of Men In Black is not exactly my comedy,” Will said at the movie’s premiere. He said it! Not us!
- The last movie was ten whole years age! Maybe give the kids some way to get into the film if it they weren’t obsessed with MIB in eighth grade like we were? Then maybe 56% of the film’s audience wouldn’t have been over 25.
- Emma Thompson is wasted talent! Excellent hair, but wasted talent.
- *The super spoiler alert we’re going to write for our #5 so be warned* Who would leave a three-year-old in a car parked unattended on the beach? That’s the craziest part of the movie, and half the cast is literally aliens.