We’re not sure we can be objective about More Like Her, the new novel from author Liza Palmer. That’s because she’s family — a writer for VH1′s Pop Up Video. So rather than review the book, we invited her to write a guest blog about it, the world of celebrity and which celebrities she dreams of casting in the movie adaptation.
I’ve been writing books for almost 10 years and wrote for the first season of VH1′s Pop Up Video in 2011. My books, like my life, have explored the idea of identity and being comfortable with who you are, warts and all. What is this “normal” we’re all reaching for? Clearly, after four books, I’m still trying to figure it out. But, with More Like Her I wanted to raise the stakes a bit. I wanted something to happen that couldn’t be taken back with an apology or a conversation.
Liza’s fantasy casting for More Like Her.
We all know celebrities are airbrushed, both their photos and their lives. And yet, we keep striving for it: that same Photoshopped perfection. We imagine there’s some green room awaiting us with everything Gwyneth Paltrow promises on Goop, a tablescape by Martha Stewart and an outfit from J. Crew that will look better on us than it does on the first lady.
But perfection doesn’t exist. And we know it. That doesn’t stop us from scrambling for it day in and day out. What are we all hiding? To answer this question, here are just a couple of the comments left after gossip blogs posted a photo of Scarlett Johansson wearing a bikini while on vacation in Hawaii:
“Ugh… spotty knees, hair can be seen on her right calf area!!”
Looks like Bradley Cooper can add a new category to the list of babes, hunks and good-looking bad boys he normally plays: hideously disfigured historical figures! The Limitless actor will reportedly star as John Merrick in the Williamstown Theate Festival production of the play The Elephant Man in Massachusetts this summer. Playwright Bernard Pomerace‘s 1977 play tells the story of the profoundly deformed real-life titular character as he deals with persecution in 19th London society. Ah, but does anyone know how ripped The Elephant Man was? He could potentially have had a burlap sack over his head and six-pack abs below, right? We just wanted to make sure.
Defying all logic, Cooper has already performed the play as part of his senior thesis at the Actors Studio Drama School, despite the fact that he clearly had to grow that mustache so people’s eyeballs didn’t melt out of their heads just looking at his beauty. Featuring Patricia Clarkson as Bradley’s costar, The Hollywood Reporter explains that “Pomerance’s play weaves Merrick’s inner humanity into a parable on beauty, innocence and dignity that shatters our illusions of normalcy.” It’s also going to shatter our notion of how good an actor Bradley Cooper is. Of course we like him, but to win us over without that gorgeous mug? That is some Tony Award-winning steez right there.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
And now in “People We Didn’t Realize We’re Dating” news, Bradley Cooper and Zoe Saldana have reportedly ended their relationship after three months. We’re guessing it was the mustache? That seems like a deal breaker. “They’re definitely not together,” a friend admitted to Us Weekly. The two met during the filming of The Words last year, but they made sure to keep things light. “She and Bradley weren’t super serious at all,” the source confirmed. It makes sense, considering that the two started dating just weeks after Zoe split with her long-time boyfriend, Keith Britton. But rebounding with The Sexiest Man Alive seems like a pretty good way to move on!
[Photo: Getty Images]
Tonight, the 2012 Oscars rewarded the talented, entertained the masses and reminded us all about the impeachable hotness of Jennifer Lopez. Seriously. Yikes. They also made us wince with humiliation on more than one occasion. In fact, our top 10 most embarrassing moments were…
10) Bradley Cooper‘s mustache: Bradley was looking a little like a male stripper this evening. Not that that’s the worst way for him to look…
9) Jennifer Lopez and Cameron Diaz’s booty shot: “Just take a chance!” Cammie laughed as she and JLo turned their bums to the audience during their Best Makeup presentation. We get it, ladies. There’s not a chance we weren’t going to love your butts.
8 ) Cirque de Soleil dancer biffs it hard: One unfortunate performer bit it during the troupe’s acrobatic dance performance. Unless his fall was intentional? You can never tell with those French Canadians…
7) Billy Crystal ripping on Christopher Plummer’s age: Crystal snarked that the 82-year-old Best Supporting Actor winner might “wander off” the stage. You know, ’cause he’s old!
6) That weird buzzing feedback: It was like someone’s phone was going off in the third row. For three hours.
We almost didn’t want to write this one, people. Because honestly, for the first time in as long as we can remember, there were no completely egregious fails on the Oscars red carpet tonight. No gowns made out of garbage bags, no inappropriate body parts hanging out, no missing undergarments. So what follows is a list of the people whose outfits were less than than the spectacular fashions we’ve come to expect from their kind. We think we might be struck down on our very couch for daring to criticize Meryl Streep, but that gold material looks more suited for a downtown cabaret backdrop. And Melissa McCarthy, you know we love you. But we wish you would dress to show off your curves, not drape them in bags. Also, it’s really hard for men to make this list, but we’re giving an honorary mention to Bradley Cooper and his silly mustache. You are not a Williamsburg hipster form 2010, you are the Sexiest Man Alive. Now please shave.
Of course, this is just our humble opinion. Peruse the gallery below and defend or attack as you please in the comments below!
Related: Oscars Red Carpet: The 8 Best Dressed Ladies In The House
Um….So What Did We Think Of Billy Crystal’s Oscars Opening Number?
Top 10 Most Awkward Oscar Moments
The 7 Best Body Parts Of The 2012 Oscars
Sacha Baron Cohen’s Oscars Stunt: Way Less Exciting Than His Oscars Ban
Jennifer Lopez Nearly Suffers A Wardrobe Malfunction At The 2012 Oscars
[Photo: Getty Images]
If casting rumors are to be believed, Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper are going to be lovahs once more! Oh, sorry, we just meant on the big screen. Not anywhere else. We didn’t mean to fill you with all that glee/burning jealousy. The two have already locked lips for the upcoming film The Silver Linings Playbook, due out in November 2012, and now Jennifer and Bradley are set to lock wits (and, well, probably lips again) in the new drama Serena, tentatively scheduled for release in 2014. You think you’re excited about this now; wait until Catching Fire has come out. And Bradley has shaved off that ‘tache.
In the film set in 1929 North Carolina, The Hunger Games leading lady will reportedly play the titular character, wife of Bradley’s timber baron and, um, would-be murderer of his illegitimate son. You know we love Jennifer and are confident her steady gaze can convey “deep-seated need for homicidal revenge” as well “deep-seated need to avoid death at the hands of her fellow teenagers.” The only issue we might have with the casting is their 15 year age difference. But hey, the movie takes place in the ’20s! And they can always age Jennifer with make-up! Forget we said anything because now we’d really like to see these two square off again!
[Photo: Getty Images]
Gladiator. The Talented Mr. Ripley. American Psycho. What do all these movies have in common? Absurdly. Hot. Villains. Allegedly joining the grand cinematic tradition of evil hotties is Bradley Cooper, who is rumored to cameo as Superman’s archnemesis Lex Luthor in the upcoming Man of Steel movie. While Michael Shannon stars as the film’s main bad guy General Zod, the website Comic Book News is now claiming that the Hangover: Part II star will allegedly at least cameo as Luthor in the 2013 film. Meanwhile, Bradley will be appearing as Lex Luthor in our elaborate erotic daydreams starting…now.
Of course, Henry Cavill isn’t so bad as Superman and his bespectacled nerdlinger alter ego, either; we bet Amy Adams‘ Lois Lane wouldn’t kick him out of bed for accidentally smashing her nightstand with his absurd alien strength. But is Clark Kent going to tent his fingers and laugh maniacally as he plots the bleak fate of a doomed Metropolis, all the while pinning you to the wall with his piercing blue eyes? No. No, he is not. Here’s hoping Bradley will.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Well, are they? There’s a very fine line between “insanely hot friends” and “insanely hot friends with benefits.” If rumors are true, Bradley Cooper and Zoe Saldana are currently hurtling over that line on a rocket-powered, Cupid-navigated hovercraft of love. So to speak. E! Online reported today that The Words co-stars are allegedly canoodling, citing one source who declared, “They are totally dating.” Hmmm, that sounds exactly like what we would scream out a cab window if we saw Bradley and Zoe kissing on the street. We’ll go ahead and file it as People’s Sexy Evidence A.
Saldana’s rep denied the two were romantically linked after they were spotted clubbing together last month, though it did nothing to quash gossip that the two spent their holidays together on ski trip. All we’re saying is, Zoe and fiance Keith Britton split in November after 11 years together. That very same month, the world was reminded of Bradley’s smokey hotness via his People’s Sexiest Man Alive win. Mere sexy coincidence? We sexy hope not. Oh, how we sexy hope not.
Ugh, this is like the 2008 elections all over again, except without the indelible historical consequences. WE HOPE. Having been named People‘s Sexiest Man Alive last month, Bradley Cooper appeared on Britain’s The Graham Norton Show to acknowledge what the majority of America seem to believe: Ryan Gosling is even sexier than he. “It’s so awful that I’m admitting this, but the hell with it: There was such a backlash when they announced it. Ryan Gosling, who I love, and I just made a movie with him and he’s the greatest,” Bradley says, remarking of recent paparazzi photos: “He literally looks like he’s in a photo shoot, like he just came off the runway. The peacoat is like this, with the scarf! And then there’s ones of me, and I literally look like the neighbor who never comes out of his house.” So what happens to the universe when the Sexiest Man Alive has his own Sexiest Man Alive? We feel like a wormhole might open up. On the other side of that wormhole? George Clooney, rubbing his hands together and biding his time.
Relax, we’re not actually going to give you diet tips on this, the most holy of holidays for food lovers. We’re merely suggesting that if you’re anything like us, it’s hard to remember that there will be consequences if we ask for second helpings of mashed potatoes and pie. We slip into a food coma and wake up just long enough to eat the leftovers. So we thought we’d provide this little visual inspiration: 24 hot celebrities — from Britney Spears to Henry Cavill, Pippa Middleton to Hugh Jackman, Adriana Lima to Jennifer Lopez — who have bodies we’d basically kill to have, and who work hard to get them. Maybe seeing them jog, lift weights and strut their assets will inspire you to get off the couch. Or you might just want to sit back and enjoy the view while munching on a turkey leg. That’s the kind of freedom those pilgrims came here to attain, isn’t it?
[Photos: Getty Images, Splash News Online]