by (@hallekiefer)

Justin Bieber’s “Aluminum Gondola” Or Brendan Fraser’s Brawl: Which Is The Odder Lawsuit?

Justin Bieber, Brendan Fraser Face Bizarre Lawsuits

We’ve got two words for you: Aluminum. Gondola. How did we go our entire lives until now without reading that phrase? Thanks to a new lawsuit filed against Justin Bieber by an Oregon mom named Stacey Wilson Betts, we get to learn about the “heart-shaped aluminum/steel gondola” the “Boyfriend” singer rides over his audience in his concerts. Unfortunately for Bieber/Betts’ eardrums/your daughters, the structure acted as a “sound conductor creating a sound blast that permanently damaged both of my ears.” Hoo boy! According to the lawsuit, which asks for $9.23 million in damages, Justin “created a wave like effect of screaming by pointing into various sections of the arena. Then enticed the crowd into a frenzy of screams by continuously waving his arms in a quick and upward motion.” We aren’t lawyers, but couldn’t they easily prove this theory by checking to see if everyone in the concert hall now has ear damage? It’s not like Betts was wearing some kind of sound-magnifying aluminum helmet, was she? Wait…no, seriously, was she? Maybe she got it to match the gondola?

Perhaps even odder than an aluminum gondola is the lawsuit recently filed against Brendan Fraser, which alleges that the actor, well, beat up one of the producers of his stalled film The Legend of William Tell. According to Todd Moyer, the actor started to “physically push, verbally threaten and poke [Moyer] in the chest” on July 27, 2011; six months later, Brendan allegedly struck Moyer multiple times when he refused to hire another producer of Fraser’s choosing. So, yeah… looks like we’re not going to be seeing that William Tell movie anytime soon. Are we right in thinking these stories are both equally insane? Is there anyway we could file a lawsuit combining both William Tell and a gondola? We never thought we’d commit a crime but….yeah, this might be worth it. This might be worth it after all.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Ashlee Simpson, Brendan Fraser, DJ Qualls Take You Back To The ’00s With Pawn Shop Chronicles

Ashlee Simpson Brendan Fraser DJ Qualls

The 2000s is such an awkward time period. How do you even describe it? The phrase “that’s so ’90s” just flows off the tongue, but “that’s so ’00s”? How do you even pronounce that? And don’t tell us to say “the oughts,” because that is not even a thing. We need someone to teach us fast, because that is the perfect way to describe the upcoming film Pawn Shop Chronicles, which stars (wait for it) Matt Dillon, Brendan Fraser, Elijah Wood, Vincent D’Onofrio, Lukas Haas, Ashlee Simpson and, of course, The New Guy star DJ Qualls. We knew Qualls would rise like a phoenix! Meanwhile, Avril Lavigne and Jar Jar Binks must be so bummed they never got the call. Maybe something will open up in the sequel, you guys? You too, Razor scooters and pre-distressed jeans!

If the cast is a little too much 2002 for you, don’t worry. The film’s plot, according to Deadline, is utterly timeless: “a dark comedy about a man searching for his abducted wife, a couple of white supremacist meth heads and a sad sack Elvis impersonator all linked through items sold or found in a small Southern town’s local pawn shop.” Throw in a couple freedom fries and Livestrong bracelets, and we’re there!

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

TheFABLife’s Ten Biggest Hollywood Hacks Of 2010

Katherine Heigl, Brendan Fraser, Nic Cage & Boo Boo

It can happen to the best of us. One minute you’re lounging in your silken dressing robes, sipping cognac while you stare into a fire made out of $100 bills, the next minute you realize, whoops, you forgot to make those lease payments on your private island! For the past 12 years! Oh, did we mention that you’re a famous actor in this scenario?

Rather than pull a Wesley Snipes (too soon?) and settle for homemade toilet wine while serving 3-5, most actors would instead start taking any role they can get to pump their bank accounts back into shape. And we do mean any: a filthy wizard, a GCI Great Dane, even a Katherine Heigl type. So we offer for your approval the Ten Biggest Hollywood Hacks of 2010, ten actors who seemed almost certainly to have been in it for the money, tax issues or otherwise. The economy might be in the gutter, but that doesn’t mean celebrities can’t get paid millions of dollars to star in awful, awful movies. By the way, are you going to finish that toilet wine?

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Jessica Simpson Shoulders Onto Extraordinary Measures Premiere

Jessica Simpson

Jessica Simpson may be taking time away from her country music career, but judging from her outfit at last night’s Extraordinary Measures premiere in Hollywood, she hasn’t lost that country style; her shoulder-padded suit-jacket over see-through black turtleneck and leggings gave us serious Designing Women flashbacks.

Hope this wasn’t meant to impress professional collaborator Billy Corgan—not all black ensembles are goth. Also attending the premiere were stars Brendan Fraser, Kerri Russell and Harrison Ford, who was joined by fiancee Calista Flockhart. Check out what they wore in the gallery below.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Brendan Fraser: Hot Or Not?

Brendan Fraser‘s done pretty well for someone who played a caveman in a Pauly Shore movie. He’s starred in critically respected films like Gods And Monsters and The Quiet American, as well as the blockbuster Mummy series. But seeing him sign copies of Inkheart at a NYC Borders yesterday (the movie adaptation comes out next week), we couldn’t help but wonder how this goofball got in two $100m-grossing movies last year.  Check out the gallery and decide whether he’s got it, lost it, or never had it in the first place.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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