by (@hallekiefer)

After Kathryn Bigelow Quote, It Wasn’t Hard To Come Up With 10 Douchiest Bret Easton Ellis Tweets

Bret Easton Ellis Puts Director Kathryn Bigelow On Blast For Being Hot

American Psycho author/ amateur d-bag Bret Easton Ellis cranked his douche ray up to 11 last night, putting Zero Dark Thirty director Kathryn Bigelow on blast for being a hot lady. Lord, why did you let us invent Twitter? “Kathryn Bigelow would be considered a mildly interesting filmmaker if she was a man but since she’s a very hot woman she’s really overrated,” Ellis tweeted. From there it was a breeze collecting the author’s douchiest tweets. (Well, douchiest in the past few months. There are too many to count!) Can we be honest though? As douchetacular as Bret Easton Ellis clearly, clearly is…a lot of his tweets are pretty funny. We know! We’re so weak! However, at the end of the day, isn’t it possible to think someone or something is a total douche but still enjoy them? We hope so! That’s the basis of our enjoying anything!

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by (@hallekiefer)

Lindsay Lohan’s The Canyons Is The New The Room (Or So We Deduce From Its 50s-Style Trailer)

You’re tearing us apart, Lindsay! We’ve never made a movie, let alone a teaser trailer, but the new noir teaser trailer for Lindsay Lohan‘s The Canyons bares a striking resemblance to 2003’s The Room, an erotic thriller directed by Tommy Wiseau and beloved by b-movie fans everywhere. Because it’s so over-the-top terrible. We’re not saying the movies are in any way alike. We’re just saying some of their similarities include:

  1. The dialogue: “No one has a private life anymore, Tara,” James Deen spits. “Hoo boy,” we say out loud at our computer screens.
  2. The actual film: We’re hoping it’s just because the teaser is in black and white, but the Canyons footage itself kind of looks like an episode of Two And A Half Men. Why…why is that?
  3. That one guy’s tank top and that other guy’s backward baseball cap: The costuming looks like they stole several key pieces from the wardrobe department at The Room, aka Tommy Wiseau’s dressing room!
  4. Someone is using a land line: What is this, 2003? The year Tommy Wiseau made The Room?

Honestly, terrible camp might not be a bad route to take when it comes to Lilo’s career. This can be Lindsay’s midnight movie classic, the film she made right before rocking back to the A-list with…um, Lifetime’s Liz & Dick. Okay, so maybe this movie is actually a comedy and we’ll all be pleasantly surprised by how self-aware it is? The “twitter-obsessed” Bret Easton Ellis jib and “never-nominated” credits give us hope. Either way, we’ll all find out soon enough. Thanks a lot. Bye!

by (@shalapitcher)

The Canyons Trailer Gets Caught At Center Of Bret Easton Ellis, Fifty Shades Producer Twitter Feud

How did directors, writers and producers trade heated insults before Twitter? Well, in a way much less entertaining for the rest of us, that’s for sure. We have been particularly entertained by the feud that bubbled up yesterday, when Bret Easton Ellis expressed frustration that Kelly Marcel landed the gig he’d been vying for, writing the screenplay of Fifty Shades of Grey.

Unfortunately — or maybe fortunately — he lobbed this insult just an hour after releasing the teaser trailer for his upcoming movie, The Canyons, starring Lindsay Lohan and James Deen. The sneak peek plays up the campy nature of the movie with the look of a melodrama made in the 1960s. And it was basically placed in the direct line of fire of Fifty Shades producer Dana Brunetti. “@BretEastonEllis Really, Bret? The day you release that ‘trailer’. School film? You’re losing it,” he said in a tweet he then deleted, according to E!. Then Brunetti proceeded to retweet a slew of posts critiquing The Canyons. Read more…

by (@hallekiefer)

Woody Allen Gushes About “Very Talented,” “Gifted” Lindsay Lohan

Woody Allen Praises Lindsay Lohan

Looks like someone enjoyed Herbie: Fully Loaded just as much as we did. It’s a highly underrated film! Our eyebrows were raised to the very pinnacle of our foreheads last month when Woody Allen was spotted dining out with Lindsay Lohan in New York. Fandango was right not to start issuing tickets to Lindsay Christina Barcelona just yet (despite our fervent emails), because he hasn’t given Lindsay a role. Just heaps and heaps of praise! “No, but I wouldn’t hesitate to use her in a movie because she’s a very talented girl. That was a social dinner,” the director told Access Hollywood at this week’s To Rome With Love premiere. “But as I say, she’s a very gifted girl, and I would not hesitate. If I had something for her, I’d certainly call her.” Call her now! She’s got some spare time! After she wraps up with Lifetime, the woman has nothing but time!

If Lindsay is hoping to score lead role in one of Allen’s upcoming flick, she probably isn’t gunning for a Matchpoint remake. RadarOnline reports that the Liz & Dick actress is hesitating on officially joining Bret Easton Ellis‘s The Canyons due to the film’s mandatory sexiness. “Lindsay would be required to do full frontal nudity, and the sex scenes are very, very graphic,” their source claims. We understand, Lindsay. It’s not like posing for Playboy; it’s….oh wait, it’s actually more awesome and better for your career than Playboy. Sign that contract, girl! Concluded Woody, “If there was some legal reason I couldn’t [cast her], that would be a different story, but it would not concern me personally, no. I think that she’d be just fine and she’d do a great job.” Okay, okay, we know it doesn’t have to be a remake and that would quite honestly be insane but…do you know how great a Lindsay Lohan-lead Sleepers remake would be? Just something to mull over.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@shalapitcher)

Fifty Shades Of Bret Easton Ellis: Should We Take American Psycho Author’s Fantasy Casting Seriously?

Logan Marshall-Green, Ian Somerhalder and Alex Pettyfer

Everyone in and out of Hollywood has been hate-reading, love-reading, fantasy casting, parodying and talking non-stop about Fifty Shades of Grey for months now, but we’re still pretty surprised about who has turned out to be the biggest fan of them all: best-selling author Bret Easton Ellis. Since last week the American Psycho scribe has been tweeting about how much he wants to adapt the Twilight-fanfic-inspired BDSM trilogy for the big screen. He’s contacted his agent and everything. Nor does this seem to be a fleeting obsession: Last night, when he could have been tweeting about his real decision to cast Lindsay Lohan opposite porn star James Deen in his movie The Canyons, he was armchair casting Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele instead. His ideas weren’t groundbreaking, but now we’re starting to wonder if they’ll really start gaining traction.

“Rereading Fifty Shades of Grey: it’s hard for me to think of Ian Somerhalder as Christian G. because I’ve known him personally for so long,” he wrote of the Vampire Diaries star, who co-starred in the movie based on Ellis’ The Rules of Attraction. But he added later:

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by (@shalapitcher)

Lindsay Lohan’s Next Big Break: Bret Easton Ellis’ The Canyons With Porn Star James Deen

Lindsay Lohan and James Deen set to star in The Canyons

While Lindsay Lohan’s terrible driving (and lying?) is probably undoing any progress those amazing Elizabeth Taylor pics may have earned her in Hollywood, it seems there are still some folks out there willing to give the troubled star a chance. Bret Easton Ellis announced via Twitter last night that she’ll co-star in The Canyons with porn star James Deen. According to, Deen will play Christian, “a trust fund kid, power player and major manipulator, who is a film producer that enjoys filming his own three-way sex sessions,” and Lohan is his girlfriend Tara, a former model who “has sold her pride for the material comforts Christian can provide.” There are two other leads yet to be cast for the erotic thriller about “five 20-somethings’ quest for power, love, sex and success in 2012 Hollywood.”
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Bret Easton Ellis Says Glee Is Like A “Puddle Of HIV”

Congratulations, Bret Easton Ellis, your oh-so-edgy Twitter finally struck a nerve. The American Psycho author has long been using the messaging platform to share his predictably transgressive opinions (“The worst thing that can happen to a man is falling in love with a whore…,” “Not to bum everyone out, but can we get a reality check here? It gets worse,” “Most underrated movie of the year: Sex and the City 2“), but his recent tweets about Glee are a step above (or rather, below) the norm. “I like the idea of Glee but why is it that every time I watch an episode I feel like I’ve stepped into a puddle of HIV?” he said Tuesday, following up last night with “No, I wasn’t drunk last night. I was watching Chris Colfer singing, um, “Le Jazz Hot” and felt like I had suddenly come down with the HIVs.” Somehow he’s restrained himself from going full Gabbo and announcing all the children on Glee have HIV, but there’s still time.

Aside from anonymous insider (“disgusting”) E! had no luck getting anyone on the show to comment, and neither show creator Ryan Murphy or our Ultimate FAB Icon Chris Colfer has tweeted a response. But with Glee fans and gossip wranglers like ourselves and Perez Hilton calling attention to Ellis’ homophobic comments (the author, “for artistic reasons,” has refused to settle on a sexual identity), Bret’s getting the attention he so obviously wants either way.

[Photos: Getty Images]