On January 1st we can start a clean slate and draft our ever crucial new year’s resolutions. Whether or not we actually achieve those goals is another matter (we’ve yet to do 2012′s spring cleaning). Nevertheless, it’s always a fun challenge to set them for ourselves…and also for our friends in Hollywood. Just like us, our celebs could use a little goal setting for 2013. Just like your mother says, we do it because we love you. Here’s our resolutions to the stars, and -most importantly- Happy New Year!
Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling – We know one of Hollywood’s hottest couples is costarring in The Place Beyond the Pines in 2013 together. However, after watching the two show their comedy chops in the latest Drunk History clips, we cannot wait to see more of these two collaborate. We know the duo has some off screen chemistry, and the silver screen may not even be able to handle the hotness between them. We have a proposition for these two for 2013: more projects together, please!
This qualifies as the best story we’ve heard all week. Actually, it may be the best story we’ve heard all month. Seriously awesome. So, TMZ is reporting that sources told them about hilarious goings-on on the set of Scary Movie 5. Our first reaction was — there’s a Scary Movie 5, now? And then this happened: apparently, Lindsay Lohan flat-out refused to kiss Charlie Sheen in a scene for the movie because … it’s Charlie Sheen’s mouth. As far as she’s concerned, it could be a hot-bed of germs because who knows where that mouth’s been, right? Ha. Lindsay Lohan saying that cracks us up. Because … let’s not even start on L.L’s shenanigans all year. The word is that they were supposed to kiss at least three times, but she said hell no and — this is the best part — both parties had to eventually sign releases stating they didn’t have cold sores. Brain just exploded!
Even with said release, Lindsay still wouldn’t go for it, and the team behind the movie even tried out a body double but it just didn’t work, so they had to nix the scenes completely. And how did Charlie take it? The sources say he didn’t react badly at all. Oh, come on, Lindz. Is that some way to treat someone who gave you money just so you could pay off your taxes?
[Photo: Getty Images]
We guess we just never imagined an Olympian would go into sex work. Doesn’t every athlete get sponsored by Wheaties for the rest of their natural lives? We guess not, seeing as how ESPN reported today that three-time Olympic runner Suzy Favor Hamilton has admitted on Twitter that she’s also been working as an escort. Even more intriguingly, Hamilton claims she was “drawn to escorting in large part because it provided many coping mechanisms for me when I was going through a very challenging time with my marriage and my life.” Wow, the things we don’t know about stuff. Of course, we can’t pretend we don’t know a lot about celebs and sex work. Don’t worry, Suzy. You have plenty of interesting company when it comes to celeb escort scandals…
[Photo: Getty Images]
Well, looks like this whole debacle worked itself out on its own! Miley Cyrus can replace Angus T. Jones on Two And A Half Men following his disparaging remarks about the show, and Angus T. Jones can accept Charlie Sheen‘s offer to appear on Anger Management. It’s perfect really, seeing as how (if we remember correctly) Angus T. Jones love utter raunch. Because there is no way on this spinning blue marble that Sheen’s new FX sitcom won’t be as dirty or dirtier than TAAHM.
Of course, Angus hasn’t accepted the informal offer…yet. “My former nephew is welcome at the Goodson Anger Management home anytime,” Charlie told ABC News today. Personally, we’re completely on board with this idea. It’s time for Jones to move on to his next project: a wholesome show in which Charlie Sheen offers life advice to a parade of characters grappling with boiling rage. It’s basically the next Touched By An Angel! After all, as HuffPo points out, this week’s Two And A Half Men featured Jones’ character contracting an STD from his girlfriend, a development he was excited about…because it proves he was having sex. Yikes. Maybe a college degree isn’t the worst life decision for you right now, Angus. It rarely is.
[Photo: Getty Images]
It’s days like these we’re glad we’re not police detectives. Every other day…well, it’s our biggest regret. The New York Post has the security footage from Lindsay Lohan‘s alleged hit-and-run accident Tuesday night, and it’s about as opaque as the bystanders’ tastefully obscured faces. On one hand, you do not see tourists leaping out of the way as Lindsay careens into The Dream Hotel on two wheels, nor do they, you know, act in any way like they’ve just witnessed an accident. On the other hand, you do see someone (ostensibly Jose Rodriquez, the man who claimed Lindsay struck him) hustling after the car as it drives out of frame.
We honestly don’t know what information, if any, to take away from the video, though we do know it’s not nearly as big a disaster as…
Lindsay Lohan is currently showing us that the road to Hollywood “comeback” is a long one, fraught with made-for-TV movies and bit parts in movies with a numeral greater than 3 in the title. LiLo is apparently inches away from signing on to appear in Scary Movie 5, due out in January of 2012. According to E! News, her rep says she has not officially inked the deal yet “as of right this moment,” but producers insist that they have her nailed down. The film is supposed to be a “reboot” of the spoof series, which has been going strong since 2000. Should we take that to mean they couldn’t get Anna Faris to agree to come back?
The film is also rumored to get an extra dose of “scary” with Charlie Sheen, returning to the films even though he was violently killed off in the last installment. But hey, hookers and a drug called “Charlie Sheen” don’t pay for themselves. It’s unknown if those two will share any screen time, but if they do the amount of white powder consumption between the two (past or present) is so mindbogglingly high that it will probably cause the screen to look like this. Spooky!
[Photo: Getty Images]
Well, folks, it appears we may be hearing the last of Charlie Sheen…at least, in our Twitter lives. Earlier today, the actor went out with a bang, tweeting, “reach for the stars everyone. dogspeed cadre. c out” with an airplane pic (see above). Oh, Charlie (or should we call you c?), you have always had a way with words. His tweets have undoubtedly added a unique spunk to the Twitter community and have given us a constant stream of entertainment.
Whether he is tweeting supportive shout-outs to friends and followers, filling us in on his varied plans, or just making up absurd comments, his tweets never disappoint. His decision to quit Twitter also comes at a sensitive time for us, as we had to recently deal with the pain of losing Alec Baldwin’s colorful commentary. Though it remains unclear if Charlie’s departure will be permanent, we hope he will reconsider his decision to leave and decide to get back on the Twitter wagon. Really, we are not looking forward to such inaccessibility from this legend’s most inner thoughts. And, who else will come up with hashtags like #winning?? To help ease the despair you might be feeling upon hearing this nightmare, we have put together some of his most memorable tweets:
@charliesheen: “Might be time for an “I’ll do anything party…” Vegas Anyone?”
@charliesheen: “thinking about joining the Navy today…. debate me!!”
@charliesheen: “I’ll bring the epic. you supply the awe. c”
Some fathers know best, and other fathers know hookers. Some fathers play golf, and others play the field. Some dads mow the lawn, and others mow down mailboxes with their Mercedes while drinking and driving. Some fathers make plans to take their wives out for dinner, while others make plans to “take their wives out.” And then there are some dads who pretend they’re not dads at all! Think we’re kidding? We wish.
It’s safe to say that not all fathers know best. Just look at Michael Lohan, Jon Gosselin, Mel Gibson, and other guys we wouldn’t trust with a pair of scissors, not to mention a kid! So join us this Father’s Day while we count down the 15 worst pops of all, ranked by the standard unit of bad dads: the Michael Lohan. If your face is in the gallery below, you’re probably not getting a tie for Father’s Day this year.
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15. Joe Simpson
14. Eddie Murphy
13. Bruce Jenner
12. Jude Law
11. Mel Gibson
10. Ryan O’Neal
9. Tiger Woods
8. Jon Gosselin
7. Arnold Schwarzenegger
6. Mathew Knowles
5. Charlie Sheen
4. Joe Jackson
3. Michael Lohan
2. O.J. Simpson
1. John Phillips
It was about this time last year that America was caught up in the tiger-blod-soaked, warlock-populated insanity that was Charlie Sheen‘s extremely public meltdown. While the man has fortunately moved on, even landing new show Anger Management, the actor obviously hasn’t forgotten The Dark Times either. “Clearly, a guy gets fired, his relationships are in the toilet, he’s off on some f—ing tour, there’s nothing ‘winning’ about any of that,” Sheen told this month’s Rolling Stone. “I mean, how does a guy who’s obviously quicksanded, how does he consider any of it a victory? I was in total denial.” He took the words right out of our mouth! Of course, Charlie’s dismissal from Two and a Half Men and divorce from Brooke Mueller were only a few of the shocking parts of his crash, and nowhere near the craziest. The five most jaw-dropping moments of his breakdown (as we remember it) would have to be:
1. That coke-fueled hotel room trashing: The first and perhaps the most conspicuous event in Charlie’s months-long meltdown was his October 2010 rampage through New York’s Plaza Hotel, during which he ransacked his room and allegedly held porn star Capri Anderson against her will. If only we could have foreseen the absurdity to follow…
2. Jon Cryer beef: Sheen called his Two and a Half Men costar a “a troll” for a host of perceived slights. A completely uncalled for insult, but on the other hand, lol. Read more…
So, the audio of Chevy Chase’s voicemail message for Community executive producer Dan Harmon is making the rounds today, complete with the sound of people laughing as they listen to the actor calling the showrunner a “fat f—,” “sh– stinko” and “g–damn bad writer.” This was reportedly in response to Harmon leading chants of “f— Chevy” at a wrap party, after Chase walked off the set before finishing the last episode. Such antics, by both Chase and Harmon, would have seemed a whole lot more shocking a few years ago. Before Charlie Sheen. And Christian Bale. And… well, let’s just go through our favorite examples of celebrities telling off their bosses is a way none of us would ever dare. Then vote and tell us which you think was the most outrageous.
Bill O’Reilly: At some point during his tenure on Inside Edition (1989-95), O’Reilly took issue with the TelePrompter cues for him to throw to a Sting video. And thus, “F— it! We’ll do it live!” became his most infamous catch phrase.
Lily Tomlin: A whole new generation got to know the comedian after videos surfaced of her various fights with director David O. Russell on the I Heart Huckabees set in 2004. “F– you, mother—-er. F— you, f— you, f— you,” she says as Dustin Hoffman, Elizabeth Huppert and Mark Wahlberg sit quietly in the car with her.