by (@hallekiefer)

“Drops Of Jupiter” Incites Charlie Sheen To Violence, Everyone Else To Vomiting

59305737

In the latest human disaster news, Charlie Sheen is citing Train‘s “Drops of Jupiter” as the impetus for the crazy attack he committed against wife Brooke Mueller on Christmas 2009. According to Sheen, Mueller became jealous of his relationship with his daughter, which included loving Train’s 2001 hit single and using “two tracking telescopes… so they could both look at the same point in the universe at the same time, as a way of staying connected.” Let’s hope his daughter was looking up at the sky; if not, she may have caught a glimpse of her father’s career spiraling toward the ground in flames.

Mueller was supposedly enraged by the two’s close bond; Sheen quotes her as saying “You have a song with you share with your daughter, but not one with me?”, provoking both of them to “slap” at “each others’ hands or wrists.” We could not make this foolishness up if we tried. Seriously though, this is a great tactical move for Sheen. Most people agree that nothing makes you look less like a crazy monster person than explaining how a cheesy pop song incited you to manhandle your girlfriend. “Well, Your Honor, you see, I had a telescope and that Train song was playing and one thing lead to another…you know how it is. May I leave jail now?” Of course we know how it is! We can’t tell you how many times we’ve just been hanging out, looking through our telescopes and being total nutter-butters, when all of a sudden we committed a horrible crime against another person! Happens to the best of us! Oh no, sorry, we meant “the worst of us.” It happens to the worst of us. [Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Charlie Sheen, The Luckiest “Inmate” Of Them All

charliesheenmain

Raise your hands if you had completely forgotten about this. The last we remember of Charlie Sheen is that his plea deal tanked. Then he faded into the great white for a while, only to claw back on to our radars.

Sheen is going to jail, but only, for a few seconds. That’s right. He’s now the reigning champ of bulls**t celebrity sentences beating out the likes of Lindsay LohanParis Hilton and Nicole Richie . ‘Cause that’s how it’s done, kids.

Instead of hard time behind bars, he gets to spend a month at the Promises rehabilitation center. He’ll apparently “check in” and then leave…again.  The sentence reads that his time will be “administered and executed at Promises,” which directly translates to three months of  unsupervised probation. He’s going to go straight back to Two and a Half Men and resume his life. Somebody get his lawyer Yale Galanter‘s digits, because we would like this magician’s number on our speed dial.

So, no jail. And no real rehab. Maybe this was all a dream?

[Photo: Getty Images]

by

Brooke Mueller Back In Rehab (Again)

Deja vu all over again—another of Charlie Sheen’s cars has flown off Mulholland Drive and Sheen’s wife is back in rehab. Brooke Mueller, who reportedly went to three different rehab clinics after her violent Christmas fight with Sheen, is headed back to a treatment facility for the 30 days. Though not denying the claim, Mueller’s rep tried to put a different spin on the situation. “What we are really talking about is not rehab… She recognized that it would be in her best interest to deal with personal issues involving stress that have the potential for challenging her sobriety.  By seeking proper guidance, she will be able to continue to resist returning to old behavior patterns.”

Though allegedly trying to work things out her with sitcom star husband, Mueller wasn’t wearing a wedding ring at the 9th Annual Butterfly Ball earlier this month. Could her return to rehab have something to do with Sheen’s plea deal collapsing? His legal team has already threatened to exploit her issues with chemical dependency if his felony menacing trial goes to court. Mueller reportedly doesn’t want Sheen to see prison time, and heading to rehab could be an easy way to paint herself as an unreliable witness without risking perjury charges.

[Photo: .com]

by (@missmuttoo)

Charlie Sheen’s Plea Deal Goes Bust

58432190

Charlie Sheen was all set to plead guilty for assault on his wife Brooke Mueller and report to jail for 30 days. He even celebrated his plea deal with ex-wife Denise Richards!

Not so fast. The prosecutor, Arnold Mordkin,  has stated that the plea has “hit a snag” adding, “We need more time than is available for us to complete some of the finer points [of the plea deal].” Elaborating further, a source has said, “The prosecution discovered that Sheen does not qualify for work release because he is not a local resident. He does qualify for useful public service, which has stricter rules, which Sheen nixed.”

Sheen was supposed to volunteer at a local theater as part of the bargain. The source, who is apparently privy to what’s being talked about between both parties added, “It was a poker game for the last couple of hours.”

“Everyone felt it was better to postpone until [the details] can be worked out,” Sheen’s rep  has said. A new court date has been set for July 12 at 4 p.m.

As always, new details have surfaced about why the deal sank. TMZ revealed that  a woman who works in the Pitkin County Jail unraveled everything because she refused to honor the agreement, even though her own boss signed off on it. The Pitkin County Sheriff, the undersheriff, the lead prosecutor and the Pitkin County District Attorney Marty Beeson all signed on the agreement. But the woman who supervises the work release program at the jail said she had problems with the way it was structured and made it clear that she didn’t care if her boss was committed. She would not enforce it, and basically, would not let Charlie do what all of the parties agreed he could do to complete his 30-day sentence. That’s when Sheen’s attorney Yale Galanter, who brokered the deal, canned the whole thing.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by

Brooke Mueller Steps Out Without Charlie Sheen, Wedding Ring

Brooke Mueller

Sandra Bullock wasn’t the only estranged wife to step out this weekend. Brooke Mueller celebrated husband Charlie Sheen‘s plea agreement on his domestic abuse case by attending the 9th Annual Butterfly Ball in LA. Not only did Brooke show up sans Charlie, she wasn’t sporting a wedding ring either. While this would seem support rumors that the Sheens are splitting, this may just be a joke on the paparazzi like that mustache Charlie wore after visiting a hooker/answering an emergency “12 step” call.

Also attending the bash were stars like Christina Ricci, Ben Stiller, Matthew Morrison, Ryan Phillipe, AnnaLynne McCord, Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart. While we certainly couldn’t blame Mueller for putting her marriage behind her, we do have to wonder if she was using a ticket sent to Charlie Sheen—it’s not like she’s a celebrity on her own…yet. See photos of the stars in the gallery below.

[Photo: Getty Images]

View Photo Gallery

by

Charlie Sheen Celebrates Plea Deal In Disneyland With Ex-Wife Denise Richards

Charlie Sheen & Denise Richards

Charlie Sheen, you’ve just agreed to spend thirty days in jail for attacking your wife Brooke Mueller with a knife over Christmas—what are you going to do now? “I’m going to Disneyland!” And who are you going with? “Denise Richards, the ex-wife who took full custody of our daughter and threatened to testify about my abusive ways at my narrowly averted trial!” Believe it or not, the Two And A Half Men star really did hit the house of the mouse with Denise yesterday, riding rides together and celebrating daughter Lola‘s 5th birthday in a private VIP area. See more photos of the happy family in the gallery below.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

View Photo Gallery

by

Charlie Sheen Taking Jail Time For Christmas Assault On Wife

Charlie Sheen

TMZ reports that a plea deal has been reached in Charlie Sheen‘s assault trial. According to the site, the Two And A Half Men star will serve 30 days (though really more like 15) in an Aspen prison for attacking wife Brooke Mueller with a knife last Christmas. It was reported earlier that Sheen was deciding between the jail term or two years’ probation—and it looks like Sheen decided to take his prison lumps than risk a more severe sentence if he got in trouble again. Knowing Sheen’s history, the odds of him screwing up again were pretty good.

Neither the star nor his wife have commented on the alleged agreement, with tabloids long rumoring that Sheen and Mueller are separated in all but name, thanks to his fondness for drugs, hookers and fake mustaches. You might think the stigma of serving a jail term for domestic abuse would be strong for a successful sitcom actor, but Sheen has not only kept his gig with Two And Half Men but scored an even sweeter contract with the network, making him the highest paid actor on television. No word on whether Charlie will get those special smoking privileges he wanted.

[Photo: Getty Images]

View Photo Gallery

by

Report: Charlie Sheen To Choose Between Jail Time Or Probation

This guy sure knows how to bargain! Appparently it’s no longer a matter of whether Charlie Sheen, charged with attacking his wife in Aspen last Christmas, can make a deal with the DA, but which deal he’ll decide to take. According to TMZ, if Sheen pleads guilty to a misdemeanor, they’ll drop his felony menacing charge and he can either serve 30 days in prison (Us Magazine says 45) or enjoy 2 years of probation (there’s potentially another unspecified probationary deal that would leave his record clean). While Charlie reportedly wants to avoid a month without cigarettes, he could be in for something far rougher if he takes probation and gets in trouble again.

Of course, he could still decide to risk it all and fight the felony charge in court. But with a new court date set for June 7th “in contemplation of a final disposition being made that’s acceptable to the district attorney’s office,” according to Sheen’s attorney, it doesn’t sound like the highest paid actor on television is pressing his luck.

[Photo: .com]

by

Charlie Sheen Scores New Contract, Now Wants Cigarettes In Prison

Charlie Sheen

If there’s one thing Charlie Sheen knows, it’s the art of the deal. Rather than worrying about how Sheen’s upcoming felony trial will affect the success of Two And A Half Men, CBS is celebrating a new contract they signed with the actor, who will receive nearly $2 million per episode for two more seasons of the hit sitcom. ‘To put a fitting end on the 2 1/2 months of whirlwind speculation, I’m looking forward to returning to my CBS home on Monday nights,” Sheen said in a statement. Odd, since we’d date the speculation about his future a little earlier—around when Sheen allegedly pulled a knife on his wife Brooke Mueller in Aspen after a violent, coke-fueled last Christmas.

Sheen, more than capable of shelling out for all the lawyers and estranged wives he’s collected, is allegedly focusing on that trial set for July. Us Magazine says the DA is prepared to drop the felony menacing charge if Sheen serves 45 days in prison on the misdemeanor violence wrap. Though it was the felony charge that reportedly held up earlier negotiations, the actor is now supposedly focused about the ability to smoke in jail. Unfortunately, the prison has been smoke-free for over a decade, with nicotine addicts forced to use patches, as the gum could ruin the carpet. Hey, at least the place is carpeted, Charlemagne! Not every drug-addled philanderer accused of abuse is so lucky.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by

Charlie Sheen And Brooke Mueller Negotiating Divorce…Just In Case

Charlie Sheen & Brooke Mueller

If Brooke Mueller and Charlie Sheen‘s marriage can survive a violent Christmas argument and rumored visits to escorts, surely it can survive a little pre-nup renegotiation. Little over a day after Gawker got their hands on the couple’s 2008 pre-nup (which suggests Mueller would walk away with just $3.5 million if she left the sitcom superstar now), TMZ reports that the pair are hashing out the details of a divorce, neither feels ready to give up on the marriage yet. Seems the couple would just like to be prepared in case things go south. Though considering they’re reportedly not even living together, it’s hard to imagine how things could get any worse.

That there’s even anything to negotiate after the pre-nup suggests Brooke may be holding that little felony trial Charlie has coming up over his head. While his legal team has hinted they won’t be above calling into question his wife’s mental capacity (based on her multiple stints in rehab since his arrest for domestic violence), they’re undoubtedly hoping things won’t go that far. It’s a miracle Sheen still has a career at this point as it is.

[Photo: Getty Images]