If Charlie Sheen And Brooke Mueller Can’t Make It Last, Who Can?

Well, it’s official: Charlie Sheen has filed for divorce from Brooke Mueller. And here we thought that having despite his holding a knife to her throat, their separate stints in rehab, and his coke-fueled porn-star bender they might work things out. Sheen and Mueller reportedly signed divorce papers back in May, but Charlie only now has officially filed them. He is allegedly trying to keep things quiet, as he doesn’t want any dirty laundry aired on Mueller’s upcoming reality show (because, sigh, that’s apparently really happening).

More hilarious though is the fact that Sheen plans to seek joint custody of their twin sons, Max and Bob. Because there’s nothing like absolutely ruining your reputation on Tuesday and then trying to prove you’re a stable, decent parent on the following Monday. Mueller has filed a separate petition for primary custody. Ugh, we pity these poor kids, having these two as your only options for parents. Anyone opposed to gay marriage or adoption, please look no further than these two clowns as an example of why the straights are making a mockery of your cause. These two are the worst.

Under the current settlement, Sheen will pay $55,000 a month in child support in addition to a lump sum of nearly $2 million. So, you know, a week’s salary from Two And A Half Men.

by (@missmuttoo)

Charlie Sheen Still On A Sex-And-Drugs Rampage?

Clearly, the nine most insane aspects of Charlie Sheen‘s crazy bender aren’t closed chapters. After Sheen’s pornstar and cocaine fueled binge in New York last week you’d think he’d be keeping things low-key, but apparently the dude ain’t done. Back in L.A, Charlie’s continuing the sex n’ drugs scenario and sources tell Radar Online he’s not showing any signs of stopping.

Sheen going to rehab isn’t even on the agenda, says a source. “None of the people around him can ever convince him to go to rehab. Charlie will never listen to them,” the insider tells Radar Online. He feels like he’s the star, and they only have jobs or make a lot of money because of him. He thought about rehab at that point, but isn’t anymore. He was just on one of the worst benders in a long time. And when he gets like this, no one knows what will happen next.”

Of this new L.A rampage, another source has said, “Charlie’s cocaine use is out of control. The situation has gotten even worse. It’s been a non-stop party of drugs and hookers since Charlie got home.” Reports of prostitutes spending plenty of nights at his house are also doing the rounds. Tick tock, goes the train-wreck clock!


Want To See An Animated Reenactment Of Charlie Sheen Going Berserk? Of Course You Do!

They give out Oscars for animated shorts, so let’s hope this one doesn’t get overlooked. The attention to details as animated Charlie Sheen destroys his hotel room is astonishing. The fire in his eyes! The suspenders with jean shorts that his hooker is wearing! The teddy bear covering his junk! It’s just the perfect piece of entertainment on this Thursday morning.


The Nine Most Insane Things About This Charlie Sheen Mess

By now you know the basic details: Charlie Sheen was hospitalized for drinking and taking cocaine and then trashing his hotel room, all while a frightened hooker looked on and his ex-wife Denise Richards was staying feet away in another room in the same hotel suite. That’s pretty crazy stuff, but the crazy doesn’t end there. Here are the nine other things about this situation that are even more insane:

1. Sheen allegedly took the hooker to dinner earlier in the evening, with Denise and several other people.

2. Sheen also was reported to have slipped away to the bathroom with his hooker during dinner. Nothing says “I’m on good terms with my ex” like public hooker sex while your ex-wife eats her dinner roll.

3. The hooker is the one who called hotel security after Sheen passed out. Life & Style reports that she was naked and screaming while barricaded in a closet during the incident.

4. Richards and Sheen have been having an adorably girly week with kids Sam and Lola, taking them to Mary Poppins and the American Girl Place, but the most hilarious irony is that the suite the family has been staying in at The Plaza Hotel in the Eloise Suite, named for the girl in the Eloise children’s books. You know, Eloise. The little girl who wreaks havoc, destroys her bathroom, disrupts fancy parties in the hotel and all that? Seems fitting, actually.

5. Denise Richards’ bizarrely calm demeanor over the whole situation. At 4am, just two hours after 911 was called, Richards Tweeted “Good morning!! Getting ready .. Heading to do Howard Stern this am!! Hmm what could he possibly ask this time?!?!” Is she that used to Charlie’s behavior that she’s barely upset by what the father of her children is up to? While appearing on Stern’s show, she said that though the trip was “eventful”, everything was just “hunky dory”. Have we misjudged this woman? Is she actually one of the greatest actresses of our time?

6. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt, it’s a key tool of PR reps everywhere. Just look at Sheen’s rep, who claims the actor “was taken to the hospital after an allergic reaction to medication.” Yes, of course. Medication. Maybe he mistakenly snorted one of his hooker’s antibiotics while she screamed for help.

7. Charlie was not arrested for trashing the hotel room (see photos here), nor was he charged for hiring a hooker or possessing cocaine. And he was given the choice to go to the police station or the hospital and he chose the hospital (who wouldn’t??). In addition, his probation – a result of his assault on Brooke Mueller – will not be revoked in Colorado. It’s so great when you can behave like an animal without punishment, isn’t it?

8. Rehab. Sheen reportedly attended rehab earlier in the year, but often denies that he needs it. And as for this time, Sheen appears to have no plans to go to rehab, at least not right away. He has millions of Two And A Half Men dollars to make, you know. Who is advising this guy? He’s the male Lindsay Lohan, but more violent and with more offspring who are going to need therapy. He needs help.

9. Sheen’s only statement, made via text message to RadarOnline about the incident, calls the reports in the media”overblown” but when asked to elaborate, he says “I know what went down and that’s where it will stay… under wraps.” No denials, no clarification…nice try.

It seems fitting that the most memorable role of Sheen’s in our opinion, is the junkie he played in the police station in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. He hasn’t changed a bit.

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by (@missmuttoo)

Shocker! Charlie Sheen Was Apparently Coked Up When Trashing Hotel Room

Welcome to the Charlie Sheen circus! It’s been in town since Sheen drunkenly trashed his hotel room, after which he was hospitalized. As if the trashing-while-trashed wasn’t bizarro enough, he flipped his lid when he thought the woman he bad brought back to his room had taken his wallet. And his kids were in the same hotel (The Plaza in New York) with his wife Denise Richards as they were all in to the city to watch Mary Poppins on Broadway. Classy, Sheen!

Denise also ended up accompanying him to the hospital, where a source says,”After that incident, a battery of tests were run on Sheen. He tested positive for cocaine. And he’s only been out of rehab for two months.” Nice “allergic reaction,” Charlie. That was the excuse his rep gave in the wake of his behavior. Denise, on the other hand, was on Howard Stern and commented, “It’s been a very eventful trip.”

The source also adds that the actor may be heading back to rehab saying, “He may do it as an out-patient, which is what he did last time.” Not that it helped.  “He’s been getting drunk,” said the insider. “He shouldn’t be drinking at all. He was wasted at a party a little while ago and a lot of people saw him. He even went home with a hot actress. Charlie hasn’t changed. He’s been partying like he did before he went to rehab.”


Charlie Sheen Hospitalized After Drunkenly Trashing Hotel

Charlie Sheen has been hospitalized after drunkenly trashing his hotel room. No, that’s not a headline from 1988, it actually happened last night at 2am. Sheen has been in New York with his ex-wife Denise Richards and their daughters Sam and Lola doing family things like seeing Mary Poppins on Broadway and visiting the American Girl store, but apparently after picking out outfits for Kit Kittredge, he decided to go on a bender.

An unidentified woman that Sheen was seen with at the Plaza Hotel called 911 around 2am last night after the actor, who was drunk and naked, started throwing chairs around his hotel suite, destroying a chandelier in the room. Sheen flew off in a rage after his wallet and cell phone allegedly went missing. Sheen was described as “emotionally disturbed” and was accompanied to the hospital by Richards. In February, Sheen entered rehab after he assaulted wife Brooke Mueller. More details of his current drama are to come.

by (@hallekiefer)

“Drops Of Jupiter” Incites Charlie Sheen To Violence, Everyone Else To Vomiting


In the latest human disaster news, Charlie Sheen is citing Train‘s “Drops of Jupiter” as the impetus for the crazy attack he committed against wife Brooke Mueller on Christmas 2009. According to Sheen, Mueller became jealous of his relationship with his daughter, which included loving Train’s 2001 hit single and using “two tracking telescopes… so they could both look at the same point in the universe at the same time, as a way of staying connected.” Let’s hope his daughter was looking up at the sky; if not, she may have caught a glimpse of her father’s career spiraling toward the ground in flames.

Mueller was supposedly enraged by the two’s close bond; Sheen quotes her as saying “You have a song with you share with your daughter, but not one with me?”, provoking both of them to “slap” at “each others’ hands or wrists.” We could not make this foolishness up if we tried. Seriously though, this is a great tactical move for Sheen. Most people agree that nothing makes you look less like a crazy monster person than explaining how a cheesy pop song incited you to manhandle your girlfriend. “Well, Your Honor, you see, I had a telescope and that Train song was playing and one thing lead to another…you know how it is. May I leave jail now?” Of course we know how it is! We can’t tell you how many times we’ve just been hanging out, looking through our telescopes and being total nutter-butters, when all of a sudden we committed a horrible crime against another person! Happens to the best of us! Oh no, sorry, we meant “the worst of us.” It happens to the worst of us. [Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Charlie Sheen, The Luckiest “Inmate” Of Them All


Raise your hands if you had completely forgotten about this. The last we remember of Charlie Sheen is that his plea deal tanked. Then he faded into the great white for a while, only to claw back on to our radars.

Sheen is going to jail, but only, for a few seconds. That’s right. He’s now the reigning champ of bulls**t celebrity sentences beating out the likes of Lindsay LohanParis Hilton and Nicole Richie . ‘Cause that’s how it’s done, kids.

Instead of hard time behind bars, he gets to spend a month at the Promises rehabilitation center. He’ll apparently “check in” and then leave…again.  The sentence reads that his time will be “administered and executed at Promises,” which directly translates to three months of  unsupervised probation. He’s going to go straight back to Two and a Half Men and resume his life. Somebody get his lawyer Yale Galanter‘s digits, because we would like this magician’s number on our speed dial.

So, no jail. And no real rehab. Maybe this was all a dream?

[Photo: Getty Images]


Brooke Mueller Back In Rehab (Again)

Deja vu all over again—another of Charlie Sheen’s cars has flown off Mulholland Drive and Sheen’s wife is back in rehab. Brooke Mueller, who reportedly went to three different rehab clinics after her violent Christmas fight with Sheen, is headed back to a treatment facility for the 30 days. Though not denying the claim, Mueller’s rep tried to put a different spin on the situation. “What we are really talking about is not rehab… She recognized that it would be in her best interest to deal with personal issues involving stress that have the potential for challenging her sobriety.  By seeking proper guidance, she will be able to continue to resist returning to old behavior patterns.”

Though allegedly trying to work things out her with sitcom star husband, Mueller wasn’t wearing a wedding ring at the 9th Annual Butterfly Ball earlier this month. Could her return to rehab have something to do with Sheen’s plea deal collapsing? His legal team has already threatened to exploit her issues with chemical dependency if his felony menacing trial goes to court. Mueller reportedly doesn’t want Sheen to see prison time, and heading to rehab could be an easy way to paint herself as an unreliable witness without risking perjury charges.

[Photo: .com]

by (@missmuttoo)

Charlie Sheen’s Plea Deal Goes Bust


Charlie Sheen was all set to plead guilty for assault on his wife Brooke Mueller and report to jail for 30 days. He even celebrated his plea deal with ex-wife Denise Richards!

Not so fast. The prosecutor, Arnold Mordkin,  has stated that the plea has “hit a snag” adding, “We need more time than is available for us to complete some of the finer points [of the plea deal].” Elaborating further, a source has said, “The prosecution discovered that Sheen does not qualify for work release because he is not a local resident. He does qualify for useful public service, which has stricter rules, which Sheen nixed.”

Sheen was supposed to volunteer at a local theater as part of the bargain. The source, who is apparently privy to what’s being talked about between both parties added, “It was a poker game for the last couple of hours.”

“Everyone felt it was better to postpone until [the details] can be worked out,” Sheen’s rep  has said. A new court date has been set for July 12 at 4 p.m.

As always, new details have surfaced about why the deal sank. TMZ revealed that  a woman who works in the Pitkin County Jail unraveled everything because she refused to honor the agreement, even though her own boss signed off on it. The Pitkin County Sheriff, the undersheriff, the lead prosecutor and the Pitkin County District Attorney Marty Beeson all signed on the agreement. But the woman who supervises the work release program at the jail said she had problems with the way it was structured and made it clear that she didn’t care if her boss was committed. She would not enforce it, and basically, would not let Charlie do what all of the parties agreed he could do to complete his 30-day sentence. That’s when Sheen’s attorney Yale Galanter, who brokered the deal, canned the whole thing.

[Photo: Getty Images]