Taylor Swift should learn to never pick fights with comedians because…she’ll never win, y’know? Just days after essentially telling Amy Poehler and Tina Fey that they have a special spot in hell for making a gentle gibe at her during the Golden Globes, Chelsea Handler is now jumping headlong into the frey. And she’s definitely not so gentle.
One of the only good things about a disaster on the scale of Hurricane Sandy is that it definitely helps put things in perspective. And celebrities of every stripe are using their money and influence to spread the word and help those in need! Of course on the wake of the storm’s destruction, many eyes turned towards New Jersey’s favorite son: Bruce Springsteen. And he hasn’t let us down. At a concert in upstate NY, The Boss dedicated a heartfelt rendition “My City Of Ruins” to his hometown of Asbury Park, and thanked emergency responders for all of the work they’ve done. He is set to headline a benefit concert called Coming Together with fellow Jersey native Jon Bon Jovi, Christina Aguilera, Billy Joel and Sting, which will air this Friday at 8 PM on NBC. The telethon will be hosted by Matt Lauer and will also feature appearances by Jimmy Fallon, Brian Williams, and we’re sure many more.
The cast of Jersey Shore has been mourning the loss of their Boardwalk, and posted numerous well wishes to their twitters. J-Woww was reportedly moved to tears when surveying the damage, and Snooki has offered her volunterring services and pledged to donate money to rescue efforts and repairs to her Seaside Heights home turf. “Cleaning my closet today to donate clothes and whatever I can do the victims affected by sandy!” she posted to her twitter. “I’m comin with clothes!!!!”
We’ve always loved Cameron Diaz (Has anyone seen the flawlessness that is Charlie’s Angels lately? It’s better than 3 of the four Spider-Man movies, we’d say!) and, uh, at least tolerated Gwyneth Paltrow (she has nice hair!), but our ears almost sealed shut when we started listening to the freestyle rap they busted out on Chelsea Lately last night: “You Chelsea! We heard that you got a brand-new studio/But we know you got on TV by being a ho.” Oh god, we’re dying. We’re passing on into the next life. We thought we had shuffled off this earthly coil when we heard Gwyneth rap on the Graham Norton Show, but we had no idea. We started to drift toward a bright light….
Then Gwyneth and Cameron brought up Handler’s relationship with 50 Cent, upon which we rocketed back to earth on a spaceship made of schadenfreude. “By the way, 50 Cent told us you like it rough,” they conclude, Cameron adding a few spastic thrusts for emphasis. Oh jeez, they went there! For all we know Gwyneth actually knows Fiddy and he did tell her all the gory details Chelsea’s sexual preferences! Everyone knows the second someone makes over $30 million, they are automatically scheduled a coffee date with GPal! Well-played, ladies. Not well-sung or anything, but still. Well-played.
Huh? Call us crazy, but we always assumed Chelsea Handler and 50 Cent were more of a “friends with benefits” situation than a love match when they were together in 2010. They were always so weird and coy about the whole thing! Just like how we are about our friends with benefits! Uh, we mean… Despite the rumor that emerged last year claiming Chelsea dumped Fif for hotelier Andre Balazs, Handler now allegedly admits that it was Fiddy’s on-going drama with ex-girlfriend Ciara that came between them…and of course it went down right before Chelsea had to interview Ciara on Chelsea Lately in December 2010! See, this is why friends with benefits don’t work! Ciara’s always calling and trying to get back together with them!
“…Ciara–that’s her name!–was coming on the show, and he called me to tell me something about her like she still calls him all the time, and she still tells him that she loves him or something,” Handler allegedly revealed in a recent interview. “He said, ‘I want you to hear this conversation’ and he was like calling someone like a 3-way phone call. I go, ‘So you’re telling me this girl wants to get back together with you, but she’s upset that you’re dating me, is that what you’re saying?’ He’s like, ‘Yeah, so I just want you to know when she comes.’” Wait…what? Why would you tell your new lady friend any of that? We’re with Chelsea on this one: “honestly this is like eighth grade s—.” For Chelsea, the fact that Fif would make things that awkward right before Ciara’s visit was the last straw. “I think I called him the worst thing you could say to a black person short of calling him the N-word. I said something like you’re like a street person basically. Something along the lines of being a gangster, and it was really, really offensive and I hung up and I’ve never spoken to him again,” admits Handler. Yikes! Well, we hope it was all worth it, Ciara and Fiddy. They immediately got married after this went down, right?
We all get by with a little help from our friends, but celebs even more so. After all, Hollywood is a tough biz, and the only way to survive the ups and downs of Tinseltown is by surrounding yourself with a few true pals who will stick by your side in good times as well as during the bumps and slumps. We’ve long loved the enduring bond Oprah Winfrey and her BFF Gayle King share, and got teary-eyed this awards season watching Busy Phillips escort her nominated pal Michelle Williams to every event in town. And who can resist dudes like Tom Sturridge andRobert Pattinson and Jay-Z and Kanye West, who are always on hand to support each other’s personal and professional triumphs?
And then there are gals like Snooki and J-Woww, who have stuck by each other from day one in the Jersey Shore house. Through booze, bitch slaps, anonymous note-leaving, Vinny sex and drunken fights on the streets of Italy, they’ve never left each other’s side. The girls have a new reality show premiering tonight on MTV chronicling — what else? — the ups and downs of their friendship. In honor of their unbreakable bond, we’ve got 35 of the Most Adorable Celebrity Besties in the gallery below. Have a fave pair? Shout ‘em out in the comments.
The Time 100 Gala celebrating its “100 Most Influential People of 2011″ went down in the very sedate setting of the Frederick P. Rose Hall at Lincoln Center in New York last night. This instagram gallery of the event made us very happy, for some strange reason. Of course we had our own take of who the top 22 on that list of 100 stars are. We’re also concerned with what a number of those top 100 women wore yesterday, and we’re happy to say that it was a very colorful carpet. Amy Poehler decided to wear a black dress and bring it back to monotone, but it was so hot that she’s totally forgiven. Check out the low neckline and flounced skirt. Her buddy Kristen Wiig also wore a black lace jumpsuit but it had nude lining underneath, and she had a white jacket on, so it doesn’t count. We just wish the whole thing would fit better because Kristen’s such a babe.
Claire Danes wore a beautiful rusty-red Lanvin shift, but her updo could have been better style. Sticking to somewhat of the same color spectrum was Rihanna who looked stunning in a fuchsia prom dress by Marchesa with black Louboutin pumps. It was so pretty and girly — very different from her usual rude girl style. Tyra Banks wore the same color, only in a sweeping old Hollywood type of gown. We just can’t explain her crazy expressions, because there were plenty. That whole “smiling with the eyes” thing just isn’t working anymore. Other ladies who looked classy even though they have a couple of decades on the younger stars were Arianna Huffington in royal blue lace and Barbara Walters who wore a burgundy gown with a chain belt. Check out the gallery to see all the looks for yourself.
This isn’t the first time Chelsea Handler has ragged on Angelina Jolie in public, and we don’t think it will be the last. We do think, however, that it should be the one that finally provokes a Jolie verbal smackdown. “Probably Angelina Jolie,” late night host Handler declared to More magazine when asked “who would be the opposite of a girls’ girl.” Added Chelsea, “She doesn’t strike me as someone I would have a close friendship with. You just know as a woman, when you see another woman, if that’s a woman you can trust.” Yikes! We know it isn’t her style, but we personally think Angie would be completely within her right to burn Chelsea right back for comments like that. Or to kick her in the head from a standing position with her fabulously toned Oscar leg. Whichever is easier.
So far Jolie has kept quiet about Handler’s insults. Remember when Chelsea went on that diatribe about Jolie’s role in the break up of Jennifer Aniston’s marriage? “She’s a homewrecker!” Handler ranted on-stage at a New Jersey in December 2010. “She can rescue as many babies from as many countries as she wants. I don’t f—ing believe you! She gives interviews, ‘I don’t have a lot of female friends.’ Because you’re a f—ing c—.” Girrrrrrrrrl! Look, we’re not asking for an all-out war here, Angelina. Just give us a zinger or two to remind everyone that you aren’t to be trifled with. Alternately, you could just project an enormous photo of your engagement ring onto the moon? Which ever feels more right, girl!
Every year, Time does a pretty decent job combining pop culture personalities with businesspeople and super important political types for their 100 Most Influential People list, and this year is no exception. We’ll let you read about Hillary Clinton and Anthony Kennedy on your own time. We’re going to recap the people on the list who have some pretty hefty influence on these very blog pages. Here’s how they rank — in our expert opinion of ourselves — and why:
22. Tim Cook: For being Steve Jobs’ successor as CEO of Apple, from whom we will be buying lots of things until the end of time, even though we are still PC people.
21. Marc Andreessen: For being the co-creator of the first widely used web browser (Mosaic), who now owns part of, like every social media platform we use. So, thanks!
20. Walter Isaacson: One more geeky entry here for the Steve Jobs biography, since every other person we know has been reading it.
19. Louis C.K.: For being one of the most consistently funny people on TV and Web ever.
18. Jeremy Lin: Not necessarily for what he’s done for the Knicks as much as for what he’s done for punny headlines and tweets.
17. Raphael Saadiq: For making old-school soul so now.
16. Tim Tebow: For being the suspected football boyfriend of every “good” girl in Hollywood. And maybe now New York, too? Read more…
Man, ladies have been keeping it real recently; Jamie Lynn Spears, we’re looking at you here. As you might expect, Chelsea Handler is keeping it realer than most, especially when discussing her teen pregnancy and abortion with Rosie O’Donnell. “I was so delusional,” the Chelsea Lately host revealed on Wednesday’s episode of The Rosie Show. “I was like, ‘I’m ready for a baby.’” Finding herself pregnant at 16, Handler’s parents suggest their daughter get an abortion, which she eventually did. “You’re supposed to create a life for yourself,” she recalls them saying. “We want you to enjoy your life and not be raising a child, and we’re certainly not going to raise it for you.” Oh well, that basically explains how Chelsea Handler can talk openly about anything and everything. Even things that would make other people squirm.
The writer and comedian also opened up about the death of her mother and brother, as well as her unfiltered take on sex and relationships. Concluded Handler, “You should do whatever you want with your body and you shouldn’t let anyone tell you what to do.” Can Rosie O’Donnell just change the name of her show to Real Talk? Can Chelsea Handler just change her actual name to Real Talk?