They’ve been split for well over a year, but things haven’t settled much between Kris Humphries and the Kardashian Klan. His ex-wife Kim and her big sis Kourtney appeared on David Letterman last night to talk about a baby she’s having with a dude that’s not Kris, and to essentially discuss why he’s being a dick. So we imagine Kris probably switched over to Leno.
Kris has been complicating the legal actions to dissolve their marriage because he insists that the relationship was a sham and that Kim only married him to get a television special out of the deal. This sentiment is echoed by many detractors of the famous reality family, but Kourtney offered a particularly good comeback. “I think if she was going to do it for publicity, she’d pick someone that people knew,” she shot back to her haters. BOOM! Even Letterman seemed taken aback by the excellent point.
Back in 2012, when Anderson Cooper came out of the closet in a public letter to Andrew Sullivan, he said his reason for not announcing his sexuality earlier was that as a journalist, he never felt like he should be the news himself. Yeah, that ship sailed years ago, but this week, we may have witnessed the final death knell to the CNN anchor’s rep as a serious news man. It’s hard to imagine world leaders or war lords sitting down for interviews with the man whose “sardine” Kathy Griffin pretended to kiss on New Year’s Eve. Not that it’s entirely his fault Griffin made the silly attempt to simulate oral sex on live TV. But Cooper hadn’t helped matters, what with his failed daytime talk show, occasional on-air giggle fits and, yeah, agreeing to host CNN’s NYE coverage with Griffin once again. Of course, the comedian is clearly loving the attention the stunt garnered her, as she showed on last night’s Late Show With David Letterman.
“If you think this is the part where I’m going to apologize for trying to go down on Anderson Cooper, you are sorely mistaken,” Griffin told Letterman. “I tried, ladies and gays, I tried for you.” Read more…
Confusion. Despair. Rage. Bargaining. Explosions. Shouting and waving around a dog-eared copy of Us Weekly. More explosions. All of these are completely recognizable human emotions expressed by Bruce Willis in his Twi-Hard With A Vengence parody on Letterman last night. So recognizable, in fact, that we were willing to ignore the fact that jokes about the Robsten scandal are, um, over a month old at this point. Hey, at least it was more thought-out than Will Ferrell’s Trampire rant on Conan! Or at least that’s what we going through our minds before we heard the rest of Bruce’s appearance, and…hoo boy.
“I was invited on one of their shows. The Real Housewives of Ishobistos Country,” Willis joke-mumbled to Dave about visiting Budapest. “What they do is, they get two great-looking women to stand and face each other and smack the s— out of each other.” Whaaa? Letterman then forced everyone in the audience to give the Expendable 2 star a standing ovation for no apparent reason. You know what? Maybe some people are meant to live their best lives inside a Twilight parody. Everyone who’s obsessed with 50 Shades of Grey, you know exactly what we’re talking about!
According to TV Guide‘s latest survey of salaries for TV actors, hosts and judges, the average pay rate has gone down in recent years. The reason, they say, is that a lot of movie stars are getting into TV, and competition is pushing down prices. So, you know, the typical star of a new TV show might only earn $30,000 an episode (tiny tears). Still, there are some mighty impressive paychecks being earned by the big names. Ashton Kutcher, for example, is raking in $700,000 an episode for his second season on Two and a Half Men, and his co-star Jon Cryer earns a not-too-shabby $600,000 per. They’re followed close behind by NCIS star Mark Harmon at $500,000 an ep (yes, that show is still on the air and very popular; ask your grandma). Mariah Carey’s $17 million gig on American Idol makes her reality-TV’s top earner.
But those folks have nothing on the syndicated TV stars. Judge Judy gets a reported $45 million a year, while Joe Brown and Kelly Ripa earn $20 million. David Letterman earns $28 million, and Jay Leno is a bargain at $25 mil. This makes sense of course, since all of the above work throughout the year, as opposed to your typical TV series. But if you’re planning your career, kids, the moral here is that there’s no money in sitcoms — go straight for the robe and gavel!
Guys, David Letterman is a professional talk show host. He has been doing this job longer than some of you have been alive. Of course he didn’t accidentally spoil the ending of TheDark Knight Rises last night! If that had been the case, why hasn’t he been spoiler-ing movies this whole time? What, did he suddenly just go insane? “Of course, Batman is dead in the end,” Letterman joked during his interview with Anne Hathaway Thursday evening. “I just want you to know the wrath that you have just invited onto yourself,” Anne laughed, turning to the cameras and apologizing to director Christopher Nolan. “Chris, I had no part in it, I’m sorry.” When the Interwebs have been a buzz with rumors about his possible blunder, we’d like to point on some key factors that make us believe Dave’s faux pas was just a crack ‘em up joke:
Dave is literally laughing when he says it.
Anne reacts with an eye roll, rather than a look of complete shock and horror. Also, are we correct in thinking that the look she shoots Letterman is completely adorable? We watched the video thrice just to see her give him the most winsome stink eye.
Dave immediately admits he’s joking and tells everyone to settle down, without looking at all stricken or guilty.
Dave wants to continue to have guests on his show, and blowing up their film’s spot on national TV would definitely hurt that goal.
To be fair, the fact Letterman said Batman doesn’t die is also technically a spoiler, but we’re pretty sure Dave didn’t ruin anything for us. If we’re wrong, you can *spoiler alert* pick us up and break our backs over your knee like Bane does to Batman in the comics. Does it count as a spoiler if we remember it from childhood? You can’t spoiler the past, ya’ll!
It’s always hard when a prepubescent pop star becomes an adult, isn’t it? On the one hand, how could David Letterman be that offended by Justin Bieber‘s new tattoo last night when the Biebs has been getting up to various scandals for at least a year now? “Oh god, how many do you have?” Letterman moaned at the sight of Justin’s new “Believe” tattoo. “Grandpas!” Justin just laughed. On the other hand, we understand. We all want to feel like Justin is still that same cherub who sang, “Baby, Baby, Baby.” Just look at those little tiny bangs! Look at them!
But if the details of Bieber’s increasingly adult life are to be believed, at 18 Justin is deep into Grown Man Territory. Hey, half of you should be really happy about this! The older Justin gets, the less creepy it is for us to have his autographed photo in our cubicle. We mean…in your cubicle. Need more evidence that the only thing still baby-like about Justin is that face? Check out our timeline of Justin Bieber’s scandals below, and weep: Read more…
Oh, how we love this girl. When faced with the pressure of a Letterman interview last night, on top of the impending release of The Hunger Gamesand what has to be months and months of pent-up jitters, Jennifer Lawrence did exactly what we would have done in the same situation: girl lost her damn mind. “I’m a troll,” the Winter’s Bone actress declared nervously when Dave asked about watching herself on screen. She then launched into an amazing stream of word vomit: “I hate myself. Don’t go see the movie because I’m a troll. I think the movie is great but their biggest mistake was me.” Celebrities! They’re just like us: unable to contain their deep-seated self-loathing! This isn’t the first time Lawrence has gone beyond humble and plunged into cringe-worthy in a moment of panic. In fact, check out some of her most self-deprecating quotes from the ongoing Hunger Games onslaught…
“I think I’m as ready as I can be, which is not that ready,” Jennifer told the Montreal Gazette. “I’m kind of clueless about it all.”
Mariah Yeater‘s lawyer Jeffrey Leving said she’s eager to have son Trystan’s DNA tested and compared to Justin Bieber‘s, though Leving told TMZ that he’s got a problem with the fact that none of his client’s team was present when Bieber was tested on Friday. Justin’s still not worried, and he was comfortable enough to joke with David Letterman about it in a pre-taped interview to air on tonight’s Late Show.
“You were man enough from the beginning, you said, oh yeah? That’s not true and I’ll take one of those DNA tests,” Letterman said. “What’s the procedure? Are you unconscious?”
“No, they just swab your mouth!” the 17-year-old laughed. But then came a reveal that has us worried about the singer: Read more…
Waddup Ashton Kutcher? We’re a bit confused by your behavior here. You’ve got a new show which gives you trailers like this one, so we can only imagine your pay check. You’ve also got a supremely hot wife who looks like this in a bikini. Life is good for you, man. So why did you show up at the Late Show with David Letterman in New York yesterday looking like a scruffier version of Pee-Wee Herman? You’re also 33, remember? Still young. And when you clean up, you can look pretty damn fine. Let’s bring that Ashton back — whaddayasay?
“I only liked the jacket,” Lady Gaga told David Letterman last night about the outfit above, “so I decided that was all I would wear.” The Born This Way singer made a terrific debut on the Late Show couch, making Dave blush by complimenting his tie and inviting him to her egg (“you could be the yolk”), promoting college education (while admitting they can’t “teach you how to ride disco sticks”) and capping the interview by chewing up his notes (“you’ll be sick for weeks…you won’t be out of the egg for month!”). Hopefully Madonna wasn’t too threatened when Dave said Gag should come back more often!
The lady wore variations on her pants-less outfit all day, visiting with fans at Best Buy and prancing in and out of her hotel…usually wearing even less than she did for her Late Show spot. See photos of Gaga’s manic Monday in the gallery below.