While the 2011 Emmy Best Dressed list might contain some undeniably gorgeous ensembles, the Emmy Worst Dressed List is equally long and illustrious. From Gwyneth Paltrow‘s midriff-baring goth prom dress to Paz de la Huerta‘s lavender lip gloss and runaway weave to James Woods‘ apparent Botox overdose, the stars were getting hot and sloppy at the 63rd Annual Emmy Awards. The question, of course, is: who was the hottest and the sloppiest?
TV fans the world over are tuning in to the Emmys: the small screen’s biggest night! Although always full of famous faces, tonight is an especially star studded affair with some of the brightest movie stars crashing the red carpet at LA’s Nokia Theatre. Zooey Deschanel, Ashton Kutcher, and Oscar-winners Gwyneth Paltrow and Kate Winslet…Who let these guys in!? We can forgive em (we guess) considering Ashton and Zooey are staring in the most anticipated shows this fall (The New Girl and a Sheen-less Two and a Half Men), and Gwyneth and Kate are both nominated for the award. But it doesn’t matter if you’re actually a winner, as long as you’re dressed like one! Our favorites so far have got to be Vampire Diaries vamp Nina Dobrev in a redder-than-red-carpet gown, and Aubrey Plaza looking Old Hollywood hot in a white Marilyn-like number. And of course, bombshell Christina Hendricks destroyed the competition like we knew she would in a curve-hugging, high-slitted, low-necked silver dress. Check out the best (and the rest) in the gallery below!
Gwyneth Paltrow lives by a different sort of life code than most of us. Just ask anyone who subscribes to her email newsletter, GOOP. The actress has famously peddled her ‘body cleanse’, recommended trying the $120 fish soup at a New York eatery, and advised working moms to simply get an assistant. And now Gwyneth is at it again by trying to convince us that infidelity is a normal part of marriage. In fact, the self-described “romantic” says that she doesn’t judge those who cheat on their loved ones. Excuse us while we do spit-takes with the $9,000 bottle of prosecco GOOP recommended we buy.
“Life is complicated and long and I know people that I respect and admire and look up to who have had extra-marital affairs,” she told a press conference while promoting her upcoming film, Contagion. “It’s like we’re flawed. We’re human beings and sometimes you make choices that other people are going to judge…” Hmm…is Gwyneth trying to tell us something? “I think that the more I live my life, the more I learn not to judge people for what they do.” Is she really talking about “friends,” or is there trouble in organic paradise with her husband, Coldplay front man Chris Martin? She claims no, saying “‘I’m lucky. I have a wonderful, blessed life. I have two fantastically delightful children and a very nice husband, so…knock on wood.” But only the finest mahogany will do. Consult your GOOP newsletter for more details.
We know that the Lord supposedly works in mysterious ways, but it seems like Gwyneth Paltrow practically side-swiping you in her $70,000 car would be a little too mysterious even for the Universe to think up. However, according to finance employee Lara Lundstrom Clarke, Gwneth Paltrow saved her life on 9/11 by making her late to her job in one of the Twin Towers. “It was one of those mornings that felt good, you had a little skip in your step. What the heck — I always cut across 7th Avenue. Then all of the sudden a silver Mercedes SUV came barreling down towards me,” Clarke recalls. “I stopped and they screeched to a halt. Then it developed into one of those classic who-goes-first situations. It got ridiculous.” Not quit as ridiculous as the fact that the star of Shakespeare In Love was behind the wheel but, sure, that’s up there.
“OMG it was Gwyneth Paltrow,” Clarke remembers thinking, though by the time she made it across the street she had missed her train, and had to wait for the next one. By the time she arrived at her stop, Clarke says, “I looked up and there was a big gaping hole in the World Trade Center…That was the worst thing I’ve ever seen in my life – my office exploded.” Miraculously only 4 of her 170 coworkers were killed that morning. Wow…we guess we owe it to Paltrow to lay off her for a little while, huh? Thought…have you seen Duets? Okay, you’re right, we’re done.
Okay, yes, we give Gwyneth Paltrow a lot of flack for being a rich skinny actress who subsists on sunshine, flaxseed and a single whole-wheat crostini Mario Bitali prepares for her each day. Don’t even get us started on how Gwyn gained 20 lbs for Country Strong and still had abs you could use to level a picture frame. As much as a macrobiotic diva we paint her out to be (using low-VOC paint, of course), we give P. Trow props for allowing her gruesome sickness face to be used to hype her upcoming epidemic thriller Contagion. It ain’t gonna be pretty.
According to the New York Times, the movie’s ad campaign will “feature, among other things, a gasping, bug-eyed Ms. Paltrow beneath a legend that warns potential moviegoers to steer clear of one another. ‘Don’t talk to anyone,’ the posters say. ‘Don’t touch anyone.'” We doubt her co-star Marion Cotillard would agree to look that awful at 24-feet-across, though we guess Marion doesn’t have Country Strong to erase from the public’s mind. Seriously, Paltrow’s stomach is like granite in that film!
You always had a lurking suspicion that Gwyneth Paltrow would somehow be the death of you, though before today you assumed it would be the result of terminal eye rolling induced by a DVD of Country Strong, rather an unstoppable outbreak of the bird flu. Either way, now you can see your fear play out in real time in the new Contagion trailer, which has Paltrow turning up the sweaty jaundice as the first victim of a global pandemic that the CDC must race to contain. So basically it looks like Outbreak, but with an Academy Award-winning actress instead of a little escaped monkey.
Costarring Matt Damon, Laurence Fishburne, Kate Winslet and Jude Law, the thriller is currently scheduled for release September 9 of this year. Of course, it’s not fair to place all the blame on a diseased Paltrow. As Jude puts it in the trailer, “No one has to weaponize the bird flu. The birds are doing that.” So really the film seems more like The Happening, but with pigeons instead of tress. We warned you: whatever you do, do not let your eyes start rolling. There’s not telling if they can ever be stopped!
The Queen should really watch her back because Beyonce has really been taking over England! She’s made history as Bey is the first woman to headline Glastonbury‘s main stage. Who run the world?! She put up a pretty incredible show but it hasn’t ended there. Beyonce also had a secret show atÃ‚Â O2 Shepherds Bush Empire last night, which served as her new album launch. How very MI6 of them.
Apart from the fabulous Adele and Bey’s husband, Jay-Z, some Glee kids happened to be in the neighborhood and showed up. Chris Colfer, Amber Riley and Kevin McHale. Their Glee guest star Ã‚Â — Gwyneth Paltrow — also joined them. In fact, they probably ended up hanging out together inside as Gwyneth posted a WhoSay message that read, “Look who i ran into just now at B’s secret show! I heart @druiddude”. The cyber-note accompanied a cute candid with Mchale. Not very secret anymore though, is it?
When you spend your days weaving yarn made from your own Angora goats on a hand-made loom, or cooking paella in an antique iron skillet deep within the forest primeval, it can be easy to forget about all the benefits of modern technology. For example…um…being able to immediately complain about the American Idol finale to everyone you know? Luckily Gwyneth Paltrow has finally caught up with our current forms of social media, and she’s diving in, monocle-first. Gwyneth Paltrow’s Twitter so far only has one tweet (as does Gwyneth Paltrow’s Facebook account), but fortunately it contains video of the giddy Paltrow announcing her arrival in the present day. We’re glad that nasty carpal tunnel she picked up while personally writing GOOP with a peacock quill pen and freshly-made cochineal ink has cleared up enough for her to use a keyboard. The Gywneth Paltrow video also claims the actress is attempting to hail a cab, but we’re pretty sure we can hear her ox-drawn cart clip-clopping along off-camera.