by (@katespencer)

Afternoon Snack: Heidi And Spencer Ruin Tacos

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag posed uncomfortably with tacos while lending their support to Taco Bell’s collaboration with the World Food Programme for World Hunger Relief Week. Heidi says, “We were honored to be included in the World Food Programme’s fight against hunger and are excited to do whatever we can.”

For starters, go away. You make people lose their appetite, and that’s certainly not going to help this mission, is it? [Us. Photos: WireImage]

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by (@katespencer)

Heidi Montag Wants Orphans, But Do They Want Her?

Yesterday was Heidi Montag‘s 72nd 22nd birthday, and how did she choose to celebrate? By sending chills down the spines of orphans everywhere. While discussing the possibility of having children sired by her man-beast Spencer Pratt, she told Ryan Seacreast on his radio show, “I want, like, four. Maybe I’ll adopt 10. I want to have my own orphanage like Mother Teresa.”

Here’s the thing poor Heidi doesn’t realize – those kids are not going to want to live in her palace of plastic and blank stares. She can’t even save her friendship with programmed robot Lauren Conrad, how could she possibly improve the lives of kids? If she intends to head down the road of charity and goodwill, she could start by getting rid of her scary shoe collection. Not only do those things look more like weapons of war than comforting footwear, the money they cost could probably feed some kid for years. Priorities, Heidi. That’s what turning 72 22 is all about. [Us. Photos: WireImage]

by (@katespencer)

Heidi Montag Has Her Cake And Eats It Too

Happy staged birthday, Heidi Montag. It must have been kinda sad to know in advance what gifts you were getting – a new purse and YSL ankle booties, OMG! – but you fake it so well. We consider your acting skills to be a birthday gift – to us. Also, that’s a pretty tall glass of champagne there. We know it takes a substantial amount of booze to stomach looking at Spencer, but check yourself before you wreck yourself (anymore than you already have).

[Photos: Pacific Coast News]

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Heidi Montag Turns 22, Looks 62

Happy birthday to…yeow! Heidi Montag may be turning 22 today, but you wouldn’t guess her youth based on these recent red carpet shots (nice plaid, Spencer). There’s flapper chic and then there’s AARP chic, Heidi. As Dlisted put it, “Cindy McCain called, she wants her hair back.”

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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Dull Plastic Woman To Be Made Into Dull Plastic Doll

“If at first you don’t succeed…” goes the old adage, and Heidi Montag is definitely adhering to it. After trying her hand (and failing) at both playing herself on a reality television show and a singing career, Heidi’s trying for something a little bit more believable to the consumer public — being an inanimate object with fake plastic hair. That’s right, Heidi’s getting her very own Barbie doll.

“We just talked to Mattel yesterday, and we are already working on our own Ken and Barbie,” Spencer Pratt, Heidi’s creepy svengali boyfriend, confirmed. And while both can’t sing, there are several upgrades Doll Heidi will undergo that Real Heidi lacks. Just to name a few:

* Better taste in men
* More expression in eyes
* Reproduction not an option

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Afternoon Snack: Heidi Montag’s Skin And Bones

Last night, Heidi Montag showed up with boyfriend Spencer Pratt to Hollywood’s club Avalon for an XBox party. Good thing it wasn’t a Wii bash: With how thin she’s becoming, she probably wouldn’t be able to muster the energy for a game of video tennis or yoga. [Photo: X-17 Online]

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Lauren Laughs At Heidi Montag’s Music

The Hills star Lauren “LC” Conrad stopped by Jimmy Kimmel to discuss her clothing line, her hit reality show The Hills, and of course her rivalry with ex-BFF Heidi Montag. When Jimmy asks her if she has listened to Heidi’s music, she answers like most of us do:  “Not on purpose, no.” Then Jimmy plays Heidi’s “Higher” video and Lauren has her face in her hands and cannot stop hysterically laughing. Luckily she didn’t get nauseous.

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Heidi And Spencer To Open Bar In NYC

Update: Spencer denies opening bar in NYC

Uh oh …first Whitney Port was asked to go bi-coastal for her job on The Hills and now Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are East-Coast bound, too. W magazine spills the beans that Speidi was spotted scoping out locations in New York City to open “an upscale sports lounge” where dudes can feel comfortable ordering for their ladies while simultaneously preparing to take over the world.

The pair settled on Murray Hill, otherwise known as Manhattan’s premier neigh-bro-hood, where recent white-hatted college grads and the trendoid gals who love them often settle. The spot, cleverly called The Hill, replaces Dip, an all-fondue restaurant, whose website isn’t even taken down yet. Though Dip no longer occupies the space, we’re sure it will still be cheesy.

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You Can Now Punch Spencer Pratt

Hills villians Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are now stars of a boxing video game. Heidi vs. Spencer is one possible matchup in the new EA “Facebreaker”  XBox 360 and Playstation video game. Watch the Ken and Barbie of MTV reality tv dropkick, punch and jab each other.  The game also supports camera attachments so you can capture your face and put it on a boxer. Now when Spencer utters obnoxious lines like saying that his and Lauren’s feud is like “trying to tell Iran and Israel to get along,” you can just punch him in the face!

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Obama Wins Hearts of Hollywood, McCain Gathers Cracksquad

While we’re not suggesting our readers cast their votes in November based on celebrity endorsements, we feel it’s worthwhile to highlight the teams building on both sides. Among the A-listers, music legends and social activists that count themselves as (outspoken) supporters of Senator Barack Obama: Oprah Winfrey, will.i.am., Halle Berry, Stevie Wonder, Bono, Alicia Keys, Ben Affleck, Scarlett Johansson — to name a few.

Senator John McCain‘s Tinseltown fan club seems much less proud of their candidate (we had trouble finding ANY photos of celebs donning McCain gear), and includes The Nanny, The Terminator, Rambo, the goth girl from The Breakfast Club, Doyle of Bio-Dome, and Hills antagonist Heidi Montag.

Sounds like six more reasons we will not be attending the Republican National Convention next week. See photos of the loud and proud Obama followers below:

[Photo at top: MGM Home Entertainment, Sony Pictures Home Entertainment, Universal Home Entertainment, Lionsgate, Pacific Coast News]