Maybe after trying her hand at a musical career, an acting career and career consisting only of trying on bikinis and kissing in front of the paparazzi, Heidi Montag has finally found her calling in writing spooky teen romances. It can’t possibly hurt her career to try! Heidi Montag and Jason Biggs exchanged book ideas via Twitter today after Montag tweeted, “Thinking about writing a supernatural romance novel. Would you read?” to which Biggs replied “Holy s–t yes.” Not that we’d ever admit it to anyone, but our sentiments exactly.
The actor and the sort of actress got hot and heavy with their tweets, suggesting plenty of plot ideas, all of which sounded like real winners. “Heidi’s Romance Novel, Chapter 1: @biggsjason sits seductively on a tiger skin rug, wearing nothing but a yarmulke,” Montag triumphantly tweeted, finally concluding “So #HMRomNovel stars myself & @biggsjason. Need a good antagonist for the vampire KGB officer. Thinking @DannyPudi From Community.” As if the notion of a blood-sucking Russian official with Jason Bigg’s face isn’t enough to get the tweens swooning, Montag tweeted to Biggs, “Apparently @biggsjason is posing nude for the cover of my supernatural romance novel. Cross that one off my bucket list!” Wait a minute…just how did Heidi get a copy of our bucket list?
[Photo: Getty Images]
Just because Heidi Montag blew millions on her singing career doesn’t mean she’s going to let a little thing like constant failure stop her dreams. “I spent $2 million on my music career, and it didn’t happen for me, and now I have this opportunity,” Heidi explained to RadarOnline. First off, Spencer Pratt teams up with Waka Flocka Flame, who despite all appearances is an actual successful recording artist. As of that wasn’t bizarre enough, Heidi brags that she’ll be working with Eric Nolan Grant, a jazz singer formerly of The O’Jays and a Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame Inductee. The man sang “Love Train” and this is what he’s reduced to!
As for Flocka Flame himself, he’s besties with Gucci Mane, and has collaborated with Lil’ Jon, Wiz Khalifa and a host of other real talent, so we can’t imagine his services come cheap. Or maybe he’s just brushing up for his reality show with Gucci Mane? “Spencer is going into the studio with Waka Flocka Flame, and I requested that his mother Deb Antney meet with me and manage me, because she is just fabulous,” Heidi gushed. We hope that new Maybach was worth the hours of hyena cackles you’re going to have to put up with now, Ms. Antney. “I want to make my own niche in the music world, that’s just Heidi,” Montag fantasizes. “It could be a Pink meets Britney Spears.” Hmm, two artist most popular in 2002 who never really moved on to anything more musically complex? Seems just about right for our girl.
Through the years of Heidi Montag and by proxy, Spencer Pratt, we’ve gone from facepalming, to pulling our hair out, to feeling nothing. Thisprobably gets them to act even more insane than usual because they’re not getting the attention. Well, congratulations, guys, because you got it back. Because when Heidi Montag accused Jennifer Aniston of banning her from the Just Go With It premiere on Tuesday, we couldn’t help but burst out laughing. She had shot her mouth off saying, “I’m so upset. I was so excited! This is the first movie I’ve ever been in and I can’t walk the red carpet because Jennifer Aniston decided I was ‘too polarizing’.”Ã‚Â We can’t help being rude (we’re lying, ’cause in Heidi’s case, we can) but the fact that Frankenheidi thought that she was a blip on Jen’s radar is truly hysterical.
Aniston’s people were forced to comment on the issue, and much to Heidi’s chagrin, brought Sony in, saying that Miss Montag had not responded to the company’s RSVP. So now Heidi’s realized she’s probably pissed off people she really shouldn’t have.Ã‚Â Is anyone surprised she’s backtracking like crazy now? Because Heidi’s wailing, “I read that Jennifer had banned me from the premiere for being too polarizing, but I know now that it wasn’t true.It never really made sense to me because Jennifer is such a sweetheart and she even commented before on a red carpet about how interesting and fun it was to have me in the movie.” Heidi’s banking on the fact that, “It was all a big misunderstanding.”
And here’s the best part. After making all that fuss about not being allowed on the carpet, her excuse for not turning up finally was, “I got my invite and I would have loved to be there, but I had to be in Los Angeles with my dogs.” Do you hear that sound? It’s people chasing Heidi out of Hollywood with pitchforks.
Most people know enough not to bite the hand that feeds them; apparently no one told Heidi Montag you shouldn’t bad-mouth the hand to US Weekly either. According to Heidi Montag, Jennifer Aniston banned her from the Just Go With It premiere on Tuesday. “I’m so upset,” Heidi complained. “I was so excited! This is the first movie I’ve ever been in and I can’t walk the red carpet because Jennifer Aniston decided I was ‘too polarizing.’” Montag claims producers brokered a deal to keep her away from the movie’s other promotional events, but it was Aniston herself who kept Heidi from the premiere. However, Aniston’s reps have denied Heidi’s claims, telling Celebuzz, “We do not have anything to do with who gets invited, but besides that, Sony did invite Heidi to the premiere and did not get an rsvp from her.” How long do you think it’ll be before she realizes she’s going to regret blabbing to the press about her A-list co-stars? Sometimes we wonder about that woman. Well, all the time really.
Montag shot her cameo in Just Go With It last spring, when photos of Heidi in hot shorts flooded our brains. Even though she couldn’t rub elbows with the beautiful people at Tuesday’s premiere, Montag still wants us to see her first feature film. “See me with Adam Sandler & Jennifer Aniston in “Just Go With It!” this Friday! Check out the trailer!” Heidi tweeted Monday. Well, let’s hope Heidi’s bid to get on Real Housewives pans out; it might be the only career option girl has left.
Just when you thought their time in the spotlight had come to a beautiful end, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are finding new ways to turn the cameras on themselves yet again. Radar Online announced that Montag is in talks to appear on The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills next season. Spencer told Radar he’s hoping they’d both get air time and says “We would move to Beverly Hills in a heartbeat. We would be psyched if this happened for us.” The show will have a blonde hole to fill (ew) since it was announced that Camille Grammer will not be returning to the series, and Montag is meeting with producers this week to discuss her possibilities.
As much as we wish this pair would fade into oblivion, you just know they would boost the ratings of this show, which makes us nervous that this will actually happen. Heidi has to pay off their debts and Spencer’s crystal collection somehow.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Heidi Montag has opened up to Life & Style magazine to discuss the ten plastic surgeries she underwent last year. Seems Heidi has discovered what the rest of us knew all along: all that surgery was a terrible idea. Franken-Heidi still has serious scarring and says “Parts of my body definitely look worse than they did pre-surgery. This is not what I signed up for.” The magazine says that she still has several physical blemishes as a result of the surgeries, including “a 2-inch-long blemish under her chin from her chin reduction, two caterpillar-size bald spots along her hairline from a brow lift, a horrifying jagged line behind her ears from having her ears pinned back. . . and deep scars around her nipples from a second boob job.” That sounds awful. But still more pleasant that living with Spencer Pratt. Just sayin’.
Knowing what she knows now about the end result, Heidi regrets what she’s done, saying “People have fewer scars from accidents than I have on my body. I wish I could jump into a time machine and take it all back.” If we were manning the controls of that time machine, we’d go back even further so we could intervene during her meeting with Spencer. Can you imagine a world without Speidi? It would be like the new version of It’s A Wonderful Life, except that things would be so much better without them together.
[Photo: Life & Style]
Heidi Montag may be too broke to hire bodyguards, but she’s not letting that get her down! Our favorite bionic woman is now learning to kick ass on her own. The former reality show star is training to become a black belt in Wing Tsun, an ancient Chinese martial art. “The system is geared towards straight self defense,” says her trainer Michael Casey, “There are no rules. Punches, kicks, knees, elbows, ground fighting, strikes to vital areas. Anything goes as the goal of the system is to stop an opponent.” No rules? Well that should make it easier. RadarOnline has posted a video of her progress, and believe us, this clip does not disappoint.
Ever since filing for bankruptcy last month, Heidi and husband Spencer Pratt have had to cut spending, including their expensive security entourage. “I have had to change my life,” she says. “I can’t afford to go out to the clubs anymore because the sort of protection I need can cost anywhere from 5 to 10 thousand dollars a night…when you travel it’s even worse… That is actually where all my money went, because safety is number one.” That’s where all the money went, guys! Not boobs, crystals or Spencer’s crazy schemes, but safety! Mystery solved.
Oh my god. Suddenly it all makes sense. We take it all back. The blow-up doll comments, the beach ball boobs slams and thatÃ‚Â time we laughed when her face fell off. It turns out, Heidi Montag did it all for love. At least that’s what her doctor’s “close friend” is blabbing to Radar Online. According to the site, Heidi had a hopeless crush on her late plastic surgeon Frank Ryan, who died in a car accident this August. The revelation comes just days after the former Hills star accused Dr. Ryan of misleading her into getting ten surgeries in one day. Maybe all she wanted was one magical day with Dr. Ryan….*swoon*
“I believe she had a crush on him,” Dr. Ryan’s friend Dawn DaLuise said in an interview to Radar.Ã‚Â “I believe she was romantically obsessed with him… she saw him as a night in shining armor.” DaLuise also challenges Heidi’s claim that Dr. Ryan wanted her to be his personal Barbie Doll. According to her, it was the other way around.Ã‚Â “He sent texts and emails to friends saying that she wanted to be a Barbie, she wanted to look exactly like a Barbie. He presented why he didn’t think it was a good idea.”
This raises the age old question: did she love him because of his plastic surgery skills, or did she get plastic surgery because she loved him? Or is this all crap? It’s probably that last one. But let’s pretend it’s not. Suddenly Heidi’s terrifying body transformation seems like a charming romantic comedy come to life! Sort of.
It’s a classic: Heidi was too shy (and too married) to ask him out, so she kept making other excuses to see him. A boob job here, a tummy tuck there. He won’t suspect anything. But after the anesthesia knocked her out, Heidi’s dreams were filled with visions of Dr. Frank.Ã‚Â Maybe that whole divorce with Spencer was real after all, and she was going to leave him for Dr. Ryan. Didn’t they reunite right after the doctor’s untimely death?
We have done it. We have cracked The Speidi Code. Or maybe there’s a simpler answer.
With Heidi Montag‘s marriage to Spencer Pratt renewed and no longer a news angle, everyone’s favorite Frankenstein is once more repenting for her cosmetic crimes. “I wouldn’t do it again,” she told Entertainment Tonight about the 10 surgical enhancements she enjoyed earlier this year. Heidi says she regrets her supermega-boobs (technical term) the most, ironic considering she scoured Europe to find someone willing to give her an even ampler bosom last May. “It’s impossible to work out with these boobs,” Heidi said between sobs in August.
As the dead can’t talk back, Heidi’s blaming her late enabler, Dr. Frank Ryan, whom she called “the most amazing person I have ever known…an angel” when he died in August (a week before she announced it was impossible to work out with those boobs), for her poor choices. “It was a lot harder than I was led on by my doctor…I didn’t know how excessive it really was.” Guess she still hasn’t forgive Ryan for taking the secrets of her giganta-gazangas (again, these are technical terms) with him on his ill-fated, tweet-tainted final drive.
[Photo: Getty Images]