Hey there, Michael Bay! Not sure that we’ve been properly introduced. Here at The FABLife, we’re big fans of the way you are able to subtly wrench powerful emotional performances out of your actors, and we’re surely not the first to tell you that your mise-en-scène would make Truffaut weep with jealousy. Just kidding, we mostly love you because there’s no one better in the business at blowing sh*t up.
But since we’ve heard that you’ve already started filming the third installment of Transformers in Los Angeles, we figured you might need some help finding a new love interest for Shia LaBeouf. To that end, we have gone to the trouble of compiling a list of ten actresses who could replace that ungrateful harlot, Megan Fox, as well as the reasons you’ll want to talk to them. Hopefully this will save you some time and allow you to complete the film in time for its planned release date of July 4, 2012!
Did you watch the last episode of The Hills? While I hated the family meeting format of the “Heidi and Spencer are crazy” session at the end, what the Hills gang said was true. Heidi is in a dangerous position, now that Spencer has spiraled out of control, and it’s hard to say what will happen next. It’s a grab-bag of crazy.
A source tells the magazine “They noticed him changing two years ago and stayed by his side. But now it’s too much. They even took the pictures of him out of their home.” Sorry, laser-background school picture of Spencer, you’re outta here! Apparently the estranged feeling is mutual because Spencer stopped talking to them a awhile ago when “he felt his parents would talk to him only about Stephanie and that they charged him with taking care of her.” Which also makes us wonder why, as parents, they weren’t taking care of their drunkorexic daughter themselves, but whatever. These are your celebrities, America. Manipulative media whores who alienate their families and everyone around them and get rich doing it. Sigh.
Happy belated Mother’s Day, Mom! Hope you like being manhandled by the LAPD! That’s roughly what was running through Heidi Montag‘s head when she decided to call the cops on her mother, Darlene Egelhoff, who showed up to Montag’s Los Angeles home today unannounced. Just when you thought they couldn’t be more dysfunctional, right? They had to get the authorities involved because a mother wanted to talk to her daughter.
Heidi explained why she did it to People, saying “I told my mom a while ago I need space from her. And she just showed up at our door unannounced and tried to get in. She was yelling about how I was being held against my will which couldn’t be farther from the truth.” The police advised Egelhoff that she should leave since it’s within Heidi’s rights not to speak to her if she doesn’t want to, and Egelhoff left of her own accord. Well, Heidi may not want to see you, but Darlene, we are here for you. Between Spencer Pratt calling you a “vagina” and reveling in your home’s foreclosure, and the disaster of a body your daughter just created, we’re here if you need a surrogate, un-enhanced daughter-type to hang with.
It seems like just yesterday we heard that Emilio Masella was dumped by his Jersey Shore girlfriend, Snooki. And then, that Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag were producing a reality show for him called Fist Pumping 4 Love. And now, a “trailer” is already being released. Well, kind of.
Despite keeping a s—list that includes Heidi’s mom, Heidi’s sister, Spencer’s sister, every woman on The Hills not named Heidi, Snooki and even MIA (“MIA should be kicked out of America today for using the US flag on her Nazi like hit squad in her new music video!”), Spencer’s been oddly quiet on Twitter, not posting since May 3rd after several days of nothing but Fistbumping For Love retweets. Is he pulling a John Mayer on us or is the world really that lucky?
The second episode of The Hills‘ final season [sigh of relief] aired last night, and true to form what lasted 30 minutes can easily be summed up in 30 seconds. To recap the drug use accusations, DD (soon-to-be-H) boobs, and plenty o’ vacant stares, we’re presenting you with the most concise summary on the internet, after the jump.
In case you wondered what Speidi’s next reality show would be like—here’s a big, big clue. Heidi Montag is reportedly looking for an unlicensed European doctor willing to perform another breast enhancement. “She wants to do it within the next two months and film it for the new TV show she and Spencer have been pitching,” an insider told Life & Style. Hubbie Spencer Pratt explained this has nothing to do with gawkers being used to the old model. “When Heidi woke up from the anesthesia [last time], she was angry [her breasts] weren’t bigger. She said she wanted to punch the doctor in the face. I try to stop her. She’ll do what she wants with her body.”
Spencer blames Ryan Seacrest for driving his wife over the edge on his radio show. “When Heidi entered the studio, Ryan told her that her breasts didn’t look that big to him,” not realizing she didn’t think they were ridiculous enough. “She was taken aback. She came home in shock.” Sounds like she won’t rest until they’re bigger than Seacrest! Will this news bring them a new TV deal or scare away the networks?
Fake reality show fans, listen up! The upcoming season of The Hills marks the end of the show, but it may get an extension. If Kristin Cavallari has her way, the gang of ne’er-do-anythings might add an additional twelve episodes to the show’s roster, making for one super-sized final season.
Cavallari told E! Online “There’s a possibility of them ordering 12 more episodes.” She loves being back on the show and explained “I’m in such a rhythm with things and I’m having a great time. We’re just now starting to get into some really good juicy stuff with a few new people. So I think we could do another 12 episodes and make it pretty good.” One reason it may be easier to film additional episodes could be the absence of Spencer Pratt. Cavallari confirmed that Spencer “got kicked off the show like a month and a half ago. He’s done; he’s completely done.” And it has nothing to do with Spencer’s new job fighting cyber crime either, Cavallari confirmed to Regis and Kelly that the reason for his exit is because Spencer threatened a Hills producer’s life. Weird, he didn’t Twitter about that.