What?! Remember not so long ago when Heidi Montag got 10 plastic surgeries in one day? And then she seemed absolutely obsessed with her new body? Well, now it appears that Heidi isn’t so happy anymore. In fact, she wishes she could have a “make-under.”
With the announcement of Heidi Montag‘s legal separation from Spencer Pratt, we here at TheFABlife are mourning not only the deterioration of their one-year marriage, but also the end of an onslaught of cringe-inducing, ridiculously over-staged pictures that captured the most absurd moments of their relationship.
From fondling puppies to frolicking in the ocean, the two The Hills stars gave us a bevy of surgically enhanced Kodak moments that consistently made us want to vomit. Now that the marriage is over, we no longer will open the “Stars: Just Like Us” pages of UsWeekly to find these photos of fantastical fame-whoring; at least not until, if the fake break up rumors are true, they find a television show that will air their surely overdramatic reunion. For now, we will just hold on to these top twenty cheesiest photo-ops of the Speidi romance.
Despite endless gossip that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt‘s split is a hoax, Heidi went and filed for legal separation from Spencer early today in Santa Monica. Citing irreconcilable differences, Heidi claimed the pair held no “assets or debts,” which TMZ notes either means Speidi is broke or already had a pre-nup. If it’s the latter, this separation doesn’t actually mean much; while a step towards divorcing, the separation just means the money she makes is hers from here on out—a moot point if their assets are already safe.
Issues like that are part of why this move shouldn’t stop speculation about whether the split is legit. Heidi’s Spencer-produced Hills spin-off has yet to be sold, and all the chatter about their master plan (not helped by roommate Jennifer Bunney blabbing about Spencer’s involvement in the project) could keep networks from wanting to pick up the project. If a legal filing or two is required to make the drama more genuine, we wouldn’t past these two to do it!
[Photo: Getty Images]
Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are full of cunning and trickery – take for instance, the fact that we still aren’t sure if Speidi’s “breakup” is real or just for the cameras that seem to shadow them wherever they go. So we pretty much take any news story about them with a grain of salt, but we’re hoping in a schadenfreude kind of way that the report about them being flat broke is true.
Radar is reporting that the poster children for sociopathic narcissism led such extravagant lives (for instance, paying a friend $100 just to take out their garbage) that they have run out of money, and that led them to break up. The trouble started when Spencer was kicked off The Hills, which meant the paychecks stopped rolling in. The friend also reports that another reason for their lack on money is that Spencer admits to spending a half a million dollars on his energy crystals. Pratt said earlier this year “I am so addicted to crystals, it’s like a sickness. I’ve spent $500,000 on crystals this year. I checked my bank account last night, and I have $203 left. There’s a whole science to this. I’m not crazy.” Let’s see, between the two of you, you guys have spent your life’s savings on crystals and back-scoopage? Actually, crazy is the only word we’d use to describe you.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Remember the Shannon twins? They lived with Hugh Hefner in the Playboy mansion until he broke up with them to focus on Crystal Harris. Now, it appears Christina Shannon is moving in with Heidi Montag and Jennifer Bunney. Heidi’s life just keeps getting stranger and stranger.
Heidi Montag might have wanted to sell her planned reality show before letting roommate and fellow Hills exile Jennifer Bunney speak to the press about it. Talking to Us about Heidi’s split from husband Spencer Pratt, Bunney sounds less like a concerned friend discussing a potential divorce than a shill hawking the next season of a TV drama—which she basically is! “They were waiting for The Hills to be over to split. Now she doesn’t have to pretend,” said Bunney, not explaining why splitting on the old show would be “pretending” while splitting now would be “real.” Bunney also says Spencer’s reaction to Heidi’s departure “will be a big aspect of our show.” Gentlemanly of him to let his ex film his alleged heartbreak, isn’t it? Then again, Spencer’s producing the show!
Us‘ anonymous sources—like all the others discussing Heidi’s “alone time”—are even less discreet. “Heidi and Spencer are laughing over [the gossip] and having a blast,” says one. “This breakup is the latest part of Spencer’s master plan,” says another. But will a network sign on for their puppet show if the strings are already showing? Still, we’ll be bummed if their drama—fake or not—doesn’t make it on to TV. Crazy like a fox is still crazy!
With professional reality stars like Heidi Montag, its hard to tell where the real life begins and its exploitation ends. Is Heidi leaving psycho husband Spencer Pratt for a better life or just a better plot line? Heidi’s roommate Jennifer Bunney has already admitted they’ll be filming a new show this Summer—and that Spencer will be part of it (“The show is going to focus on our friendship, getting through things with each other like marriage stuff and boyfriend stuff,” Bunney told Radar). “I needed some alone time,” Heidi told People, saying she and Spencer were “working on things.”
But between Heidi’s excited summer tweets and the focus of her new show, one can be forgiven for assuming the alleged “split” is totally fabricated. “It’s really just another one of Spencer’s publicity stunts,” a source tells PopEater. “They really are still together. This will all be revealed in time. They aren’t going to separate. It’s all a part of Heidi’s new show.” While we would have been happy to watch these two preen and photo op, it’s not surprising their post-Hills debut would require a little more drama than that. But considering how long it took them to get legally married, it should be a long while before they legally separate.
[Photo: Getty Images]
After Megan Fox was dropped from Transformers 3, it took just a few days for Michael Bay to decide her replacement would be model Rosie Huntington-Whitely. Still, in Heidi Montag‘s world, that means nothing, and she’s literally gunning for the role even though the deal is virtually sealed.
PopEater reports that Heidi has launched a Twitter campaign to get noticed by Bay and has posted video at a shooting range and engaging in “combat training” in order to prove her action prowess. This isn’t the first time Heidi has talked about wanting to be an action star, so it’s not surprising that she’s going the extra mile to impress Bay. We wonder though, can an action star really kick ass with their back scooped out?
Hey there, Michael Bay! Not sure that we’ve been properly introduced. Here at The FABLife, we’re big fans of the way you are able to subtly wrench powerful emotional performances out of your actors, and we’re surely not the first to tell you that your mise-en-scène would make Truffaut weep with jealousy. Just kidding, we mostly love you because there’s no one better in the business at blowing sh*t up.
And hey, we heard the news that you fired Megan Fox from Transformers 3. We applaud the decision; after all, you can’t let some scrawny, hammer-thumbed bimbette tarnish the directorial legacy that you’ve been building ever since you first stepped behind the lens as the director of Playboy Video Centerfold: Kerri Kendall! Gotta keep your eye on the prize, can’t let one bad apple ruin the bunch, we get it.
But since we’ve heard that you’ve already started filming the third installment of Transformers in Los Angeles, we figured you might need some help finding a new love interest for Shia LaBeouf. To that end, we have gone to the trouble of compiling a list of ten actresses who could replace that ungrateful harlot, Megan Fox, as well as the reasons you’ll want to talk to them. Hopefully this will save you some time and allow you to complete the film in time for its planned release date of July 4, 2012!
[Photos: Getty Images, Splash]
Did you watch the last episode of The Hills? While I hated the family meeting format of the “Heidi and Spencer are crazy” session at the end, what the Hills gang said was true. Heidi is in a dangerous position, now that Spencer has spiraled out of control, and it’s hard to say what will happen next. It’s a grab-bag of crazy.