Wow. As much as we blog about celebrity gossip, rarely do we get a chance to peak behind the veil created by publicists, managers and, well, the stars themselves. It’s only when certain celebrities can’t control themselves do we get a hint at the chaos behind the scenes. While writer Stephen Rodrick doesn’t discuss any of Lindsay Lohan‘s recent emergenices/run-ins with the law in his in-depth article “Here Is What Happens When You Cast Lindsay Lohan In Your Movie,” his piece about Lilo’s most recent film The Canyons with director Paul Schrader and co-star James Deen is still fascinating, baffling and, let’s be honest, utterly heart-breaking. The whole thing is worth a read, but we selected the most gasp-inducing moments from the story for you to peruse in the meantime:
You’re tearing us apart, Lindsay! We’ve never made a movie, let alone a teaser trailer, but the new noir teaser trailer for Lindsay Lohan‘s The Canyons bares a striking resemblance to 2003′s The Room, an erotic thriller directed by Tommy Wiseau and beloved by b-movie fans everywhere. Because it’s so over-the-top terrible. We’re not saying the movies are in any way alike. We’re just saying some of their similarities include:
The dialogue: “No one has a private life anymore, Tara,” James Deen spits. “Hoo boy,” we say out loud at our computer screens.
The actual film: We’re hoping it’s just because the teaser is in black and white, but the Canyons footage itself kind of looks like an episode of Two And A Half Men. Why…why is that?
That one guy’s tank top and that other guy’s backward baseball cap: The costuming looks like they stole several key pieces from the wardrobe department at The Room, aka Tommy Wiseau’s dressing room!
Someone is using a land line: What is this, 2003? The year Tommy Wiseau made The Room?
Honestly, terrible camp might not be a bad route to take when it comes to Lilo’s career. This can be Lindsay’s midnight movie classic, the film she made right before rocking back to the A-list with…um, Lifetime’s Liz & Dick. Okay, so maybe this movie is actually a comedy and we’ll all be pleasantly surprised by how self-aware it is? The “twitter-obsessed” Bret Easton Ellis jib and “never-nominated” credits give us hope. Either way, we’ll all find out soon enough. Thanks a lot. Bye!
How did directors, writers and producers trade heated insults before Twitter? Well, in a way much less entertaining for the rest of us, that’s for sure. We have been particularly entertained by the feud that bubbled up yesterday, when Bret Easton Ellisexpressed frustration that Kelly Marcel landed the gig he’d been vying for, writing the screenplay of Fifty Shades of Grey.
Unfortunately — or maybe fortunately — he lobbed this insult just an hour after releasing the teaser trailer for his upcoming movie, The Canyons, starring Lindsay Lohan and James Deen. The sneak peek plays up the campy nature of the movie with the look of a melodrama made in the 1960s. And it was basically placed in the direct line of fire of Fifty Shades producer Dana Brunetti. “@BretEastonEllis Really, Bret? The day you release that ‘trailer’. School film? You’re losing it,” he said in a tweet he then deleted, according to E!. Then Brunetti proceeded to retweet a slew of posts critiquing The Canyons. Read more…
“Stop! We don’t want to hear any more of these filthy Lindsay Lohan/James Deen sex rumors” is what no one is saying this week about the two biggest names in Bret Easton Ellis‘ upcoming erotic thriller The Canyons. But just in case we were already sick of gossip that didn’t exist, Deen took it upon himself to clear the air. “I can definitely, honestly say Lindsay Lohan and I are not having sex!,” Deen told Animal New York. “[If I was] I think I would tell everybody.” Why would you tell ever….you know what? This isn’t real, so we don’t have to get worked up about it. We’ll save our inappropriate rage for a real celeb rumor.
On the other hand…remember that time Lindsay allegedly, uh, spent some quality time with another porn actor by the name of Alex Torres earlier this year? At least we heard that rumor before we mentally dismissed it. “I don’t know anything about her except for that she’s a really nice, down-to-earth, normal twenty-five-year-old girl,” James went on. “We went to a business dinner and she was very professional. She drank coffee and water. Then she had to call for a car because she couldn’t walk ten feet from the door because of the paparazzi.” Okay, that sounds more like it. Aw, now we kind of wish we had heard this rumor…luckily they’re not done shooting yet! There’s still time! There’s plenty of time for them to start some sex rumors!
While Lindsay Lohan’s terrible driving (and lying?) is probably undoing any progress those amazing Elizabeth Taylor pics may have earned her in Hollywood, it seems there are still some folks out there willing to give the troubled star a chance. Bret Easton Ellis announced via Twitter last night that she’ll co-star in The Canyons with porn star James Deen. According to indiewire.com, Deen will play Christian, “a trust fund kid, power player and major manipulator, who is a film producer that enjoys filming his own three-way sex sessions,” and Lohan is his girlfriend Tara, a former model who “has sold her pride for the material comforts Christian can provide.” There are two other leads yet to be cast for the erotic thriller about “five 20-somethings’ quest for power, love, sex and success in 2012 Hollywood.” Read more…