by (@JordanRuntagh)

Return Of The Kanye Rant: “People Look At Me Like I’m Hitler”

After a spell of acting like a subdued elder statesman of the rap game, the Kanye West we know and love returned with another bizarre (and bigheaded) outburst that may cause you to face-palm yourself in confusion. Being anything but chill while performing at the Big Chill music festival in England, he ranted:

“I walk through the hotel and I walk down the street, and people look at me like I’m f–king insane, like I’m Hitler. One day the light will shine through and one day people will understand everything I ever did.”

The crowd booed (he also began his set a half hour late), but Air Yeezy went on to say he wished to be remembered as the Air Jordan of the music world, not Hitler.

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by (@hallekiefer)

Jay-Z Teams Up With Adult Swim For Potential Animated Show

Hov long ago established himself as an entrepreneur and master performer. The question is, how good a cartoon would he make? As rumored before the rapper performed at the network’s upfronts last night, the Jay-Z Adult Swim project now in development may be an original animated series. There are few details about the proposed project, including whether the program will be about Jay-Z, be produced by him or any number of collabo options. That being said, is anyone else immediately picturing Hova as the voice of a tiny adorable poodle? Maybe a new-born baby? Anything sweet and cuddly paired with his famous voice would be golden.

As Cartoon Network‘s after-hours block, Adult Swim has teamed with musicians before: T-Pain stopped by Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and Busta Rhymes and Snoop Dogg voiced characters for The Boondocks. Odd Future and Major Lazer Adult Swim projects are currently in development for the coming year as well, as is Nick Cannon‘s new show The Dummiez. With so many rappers already making cartoon magic, it’ll be interesting to see what show Jay-Z decides to put his stamp. As a tiny baby deer in an itty-bitty top hat!

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Rumor We Love: Beyonce And Jay-Z Asked To Perform At The Royal Wedding

This royal wedding business is getting out of hand, in our opinion, but if there’s one thing we’ve learned about Prince William and Kate Middleton, it’s that they seem like pretty fun, typical young people. (The Royals: Just Like Us!)  First of all, perhaps you’ll remember when Prince Harry wanted Snoop Dogg to perform at his brother’s bachelor party. That kinda surprised us, but at the same time, if you can afford to have Snoop at your bachelor party, why not?

And now the word is that William and Kate want Jay-Z and Beyonce to perform “Crazy In Love” at the royal wedding reception. A source says “They really wanted to make their big day even more special and what better way than by getting pop  royalty to perform at the party? … They both wanted to ditch traditions and make it more personal for them. Jay-Z and Beyoncé are both in Europe at the moment while she promotes her new single ‘Girls Who Run The World.’ So it’s highly likely they have taken up the Royals’ offer.” Among other celebs on the Royal wedding guest list are Guy Ritchie, Joss Stone, Elton John, and the Beckhams. Since the royal family has announced that they’ll be broadcasting the wedding on YouTube, maybe we’ll get a glimpse of the Beyonce performance if it really happens.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Gwyneth Interviews BFF Jay-Z About His Fabulous Taste

They always say you can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friends nose, because they already have a full-time employee who’s job is doing only that. Earlier today Gwyneth Paltrow interviewed Jay-Z for her lifestyles site GOOP, and immediately afterward Jay-Z interviewed Gwyneth on his new man-GOOP site Life + Times. Jay-Z and Gwyneth’s friendship has always been a thing of wonder, but this time they take it to a whole new level. In her interview, titled “Straight Outta Compton?”, the rap superstar tells his bestie that he’s “very surprised at your extensive knowledge of hip-hop songs. Particularly how you can sing ’90s hip-hip songs word for word. I can’t even do that!,” while Gwyneth reps Biggie Smalls over Tupac: “Biggie by miles.” Jay-Z and Gwyn then wrote mash notes and had a pillow fight on 800-count Egyptian cotton sheets.

Meanwhile over on GOOP, you could tell Paltrow was practically weaving a friendship bracelet from newborn emu leather as she gushed about the fabulous Mr. Carter. “As someone who has walked through museums with you, eaten with you, heard music with you, I know firsthand how creativity in all areas lifts your consciousness,” she raves. Maybe after they’re done high-fiving for a thousand years, Jay-Z and Gwyn can sing a duet of  Cee-Lo’s new song “Friend You,” then inhale each other’s farts out of $2,000 crystal cognac snifters. Friends 4 Eva!

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Who Wants To Sit Courtside With Jay-Z At A Knicks Game?

This is a big week for celebrity auctions. First Justin Bieber sells his hair, then Lindsay Lohan‘s stolen necklace gets put on the auction block, and now Jay-Z is offering up the chance to sit with him at a Knicks game. Yes, you could be the one to fill that empty court-side seat next to Jay at an upcoming game for the right price (appearance by/opportunity to feed popcorn to Alex Rodriguez not included). The online auction ends on March 30 and all proceeds will go to the Steven Gaynor School in New York City. The current bid is a measly $16,000—for that price you could have two and a half locks of Bieber’s hair, so this is a steal.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Gwyneth Paltrow’s Ringtone Is A Song By Her BFF, Jay-Z

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You knew that Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin were pals with Jay-Z, but what you didn’t know is that Gwynnie loves her musical buddy so much that she made him her ringtone. For real. Movieline reports that at a press junket for Paltrow’s movie Country Strong, her cell phone went off to the tune of “Dirt Off Your Shoulder.” Lest anyone in the crowd be unfamiliar with the tune, Paltrow explained it was “Y’know, by Jay-Z.” Thanks for clearing that up, G!

So do you think Jay reciprocates the love? Is his ringtone the theme from Country Strong, or maybe the Glee version of “Forget You”? Of course not—it’s totally “Cruisin’” from Duets.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@hallekiefer)

What To Get The Man Who Has Everything? The World’s Most Expensive Car, Of Course!

While the rest of us are counting out pennies to pay for bus fare, Beyonce is celebrating her husband’s birthday by buying Jay-Z a Bugatti Veyron Grand Sport, the most expensive car in the world. Hova turned 41 this past Saturday, and what better way to tell someone you love them than to buy them a car worth more than the GDP of Portugal? The amount Bee dropped on the new ride? You are going to want to start breathing into a paper bag now, because it’s $2 million dollars. We almost had to blur that number out, it’s so obscene.

According to the Bugatti webite, the Grand Sport is able to go 0-60 in 2.5 seconds and reaches a top speed of 253 miles per hour, which would come in handy when we want to get to the store to buy Ramen, because that’s all we could ever eat again if we bought this car. The Grand Sport is now just one of many in Jay-Z’s luxury car collection, which purportedly also includes a Maybach 62S, Ferrari F430 Spider and a Pagani Zonda Roadster, which we suspect based on the names are actually Transformers in disguise. Lucky for you, there are seven Great Sports still available! Sure, you’ll have to live in it, and your kids can’t go to college, but isn’t being awesome a little more important than that? [Photos: /Bugatti.com]

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by (@hallekiefer)

Get Ready For Your Heart To Hurt: Jay-Z Shot His Own Brother When He Was 12

Ugh, it’s only Monday and already we are trying not to cry in our cubicle, although suprisingly it’s over an incredibly sad celeb story and not just Taylor Swift’s new bangs. While most of us think of Jay-Z primarily as the talented millionaire who gets to sleep next to our queen Beyonce, the road from his childhood in Brooklyn to international rap superstardom was nowhere near as dreamy.

In an interview with The Guardian, the rapper recently opened up about how at 12, Jay-Z shot his brother Eric after his sibling stole a ring from a tween-age Hova in order to feed his drug addiction. Still know as Shawn Carter, Jay-Z reveals that after the incident, “I thought my life was over. I thought I’d go to jail forever. It was terrible. I was a boy, a child. I was terrified.” If the thought of a little baby Hova dealing with something so horrible doesn’t make your eyes get at least a little misty, you literally aren’t a human being.

Luckily his brother recovered from the injury, never reporting the incident to police and even apologizing to Shawn in the hospital for the effects of his addition. While the interview marks the first time Jay-Z has opened up about the incident, he did write about it on his album “In My Lifetime, Vol. 1″ on the song “You Must Love Me”, in which he raps, “Saw the devil in your eyes, high off more than weed, confused, I just closed my young eyes and squeezed.” Despite the fact while that growing up, he himself was shot three times, Jay-Z believes,”It’s like there was some rogue angel watching over us.” Ugh, why doesn’t this damn cubicle have a door?!?! Now everyone is going to know why our paperwork is all wrinkly with tear stains.

by (@hallekiefer)

Jay-Z Says MC Hammer Is “Going To Be Embarrassed,” Even More So Than Usual!

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The most random hip-hop beef ever continues today as Jay-Z responds to MC Hammer’s music video insults, saying Hammer’s “going to be embarrassed.” You’re about 20 years too late for that, Jay! Oh wait…you mean embarrassed by his recent insane video or by his entire career? NEITHER?!?!

In an interview about his upcoming memoir Decoded, Jay-Z laughed, “He’s going to be embarrassed, I said some really great things about him in the book … It is what it is. He took it the wrong way.” Given that Jay-Z used his verse on Kanye’s song So Appalled to rap about how “Hammer went broke”, we’re pretty sure that the angry MC took it the exact right way.  Then again, those giant gold medallions didn’t buy themselves, now did they, Hammer…?

In the end though, Jay-Z doesn’t seem all that apologetic about his crack. Surprised that Hammer would mind being made fun of by a rap superstar in song, Jay-Z said, “I didn’t know that [topic] wasn’t on the table for discussion.” Oh, it is definitely still on the table. It is on the table next to a huge pile of shimmery purple harem pants, where it’s always been. And always will be.

by (@hallekiefer)

All Hail The Hova In 2016?

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It’ll be Jay-Z For President after Barack leaves office, at least if Hov has anything to say about it. Says Jay-Z about his aspirations beyond being a hiphop legend: “Give me a chance. Maybe in eight years, I’ll be the president.” And why not? Plenty of former performers have had a political career later in life: Sonny Bono, Ronald Reagan, Justin Bieber. O sorry, we were just gazing into the future there for a second.

But before we can (finally) call Beyonce the First Lady, Jay-Z isn’t ready to give up on President Obama just yet. Says Jay-Z, “In order to judge someone, you have to judge what they inherit. He inherited the worst economy, war, just a horrible time in American history. So if we think he can solve that, I mean, we don’t think he’s God, do we. He’s a human being. He’s going to need time to figure that out.” Um…if things are bad now, imagine how dire they might be in the next decade? Jay-Z will literally have 99 problems, though a bitch will not be one. Unless of course you count every individual person in the Tea Party, in which case there will be A LOT.

Says Jay-Z, “In order to get to that sort of success and that dream, you have to go through some peaks and valleys. It’s been two years.” We hope Jay turns out to be every bit the stellar leader we imagine he would be. And if not, don’t blame us: we voted for Bieber. [Photo: Getty Images]