by (@unclegrambo)

Before They Cleaned Up: See The Cast Of Celebrity Rehab 4 At Their Sloppiest

Celebrity Rehab 4 Cast: Before The RehabrnrnThe explosive fourth season of Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew debuts tonight on VH1 at 10 p.m. ET/PT. This year’s cast — Jason “Gummi Bear” Davis, Janice Dickinson, Leif Garrett, Jeremy London, Frankie Lons, Rachel Uchitel, Jason Wahler and Eric Roberts — all publicly battled their demons in the harsh glare of the spotlight before being treated by Dr. Drew Pinsky and crew. While you’ll have to tune in each week to see how the cast deals with the difficulties of the program (not to mention withdrawal symptoms), the following slideshow highlights exactly the kind of shape (hint: not very good) that these celebrities were in before they checked into the Pasadena Recovery Center. rnrn

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by (@hallekiefer)

Rachel Uchitel Downgrades So Fast She Breaks The Sound Barrier, Dates Jeremy London

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Any reader who has accidentally swallowed a penny this afternoon is encouraged to read the story below, as you will be barfing it back up in no time. As she continues her cross-country tour of reality TV rehab facilities, Tiger Wood’s former mistress Rachel Uchitel has reportedly discovered new love. According his wife, erstwhile kidnap victim Jeremy London has been recently canoodling with the professional mistress, whom he denies dating but admits is an “amazing, intelligent and sensitive person.”

Now we all know what you’re thinking: “barf.” But maybe to Rachel Uchitel, Jeremy London isn’t just a washed-up celeb addicted to fame and probably also drugs. He is…he’s…well, we have no idea what else he might be.  Fun to have at parties? Still living off his Party of Five money?

Which brings us to the larger question:  how can Rachel Uchitel downgrade between the past men in her life to Jeremy London that hard, that fast, and not get some sort of sexual whiplash? As humiliating as the Tiger Woods scandal was for everyone involved, at least we understood the whole “attractive, multi-quadrillionaire sports star” thing. You just know they were doing it on an ostrich-feather bed with 900 count Egyptian cotton sheets. On Tiger’s private jet.  While flying over Dubai.  And rumored fling David Boreanz? Well, we’ve been known to watch a Bones marathon or two, and let’s just say it’s not for the acting.

So, what does Jeremy London have that makes him so appealing to someone who has experienced such luxury?  That one gross news boy cap? London probably doesn’t really even have a house anymore; he just sleeps on a dog bed on Dr. Drew’s patio. Which leaves us with only one possible solution: Rachel Uchitel has such terrible taste in men she literally cannot see the difference between Jeremy London and…any other man.  Can that possible be true? Again, has she seen that newsboy cap? We guess we begrudgingly give the couple our blessing, and hope these two crazy kids can find room in their busy televised-rehab and marriage-destroying careers to make this thing work. Now if you excuse us, we have to take one million showers.

[Photos: GettyImages]

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Jeremy London Heading To Celebrity Rehab?

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Apparently Jeremy London has signed on for Celebrity Rehab. Does this mean he’s admitting that his kidnapping-and-forcible-drug-taking story was all a ruse? Not exactly – he’s still sticking to it, but admits he’s fallen off the wagon. London will apparently be paid $40,000 for his appearance on the show. Nothing like a sudden windfall of cash to keep a known addict off the junk, that’s what we always say.

London joins fellow “celebrities” Jason WhalerJason Davis (brother to greasy turd Brandon Davis) and Shauna Sand for Celebrity Rehab 4. We hope that Dr. Drew will help him fight his demons – it’s clear he has some.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Jeremy London Furious With Brother Jason For Doubting His Kidnapping Story

It’ll be a while before we learn more details and can draw better conclusions as to what really happened to Jeremy London when he was kidnapped in Palm Springs two weeks ago, but for now, Jeremy is sticking to his story. London claims he was kidnapped at gunpoint and three captors forced him to smoke drugs, but not before letting London’s wife Melissa go free. One of the kidnappers, Brandon Adams, has been arrested and says that London voluntarily “partied” with them. Now though, London has released a video where he thanks his supporters but tears into his own family, including his twin brother Jason, for doubting the integrity of his story.

Jason was quoted as saying “We love Jeremy very, very much… but he’s lost,” and attributed the story to a relapse and Jeremy’s inability to stay clean. Jeremy retorts in the video, available on Radaronline.com (and  filmed…in his car?), by saying “This actually did happen to me. It was one of the worst days of my life… I thought I was going to die. . .The worst part of this has been my family. We’ve had to put a cease and desist order on them and now I’m going to have to have a restraining order put on them. They went on TV and told a bunch of lies saying this [the kidnapping] never happened. I haven’t seen them in six months… they have no idea what’s going on.” Pretty safe to say none of us have any idea what’s going on, actually.

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“Kidnapped” Jeremy London Had A Warrant Out For His Arrest

Jeremy London

New details in Jeremy London‘s alleged kidnapping aren’t making the case any less bizarre. Radar Online reports that the Party Of Five actor had a warrant out for his arrest at the time he claims two men were forcing him by gunpoint to drive around Palm Springs and smoke dope with them. Seems London never showed for an earlier hearing concerning his arrest for driving without a license in January, a situation that stemmed from earlier issues with DUI.

Since his alleged captor has an even shadier past (involving drug and violence convictions), it’s possible London really had just offered the guy a ride for fixing his tire, only to wind up his drug-fueled chauffeur. But knowing the actor’s own record, friends of suspect Brandon Adams are more than a little suspicious. “Brandon probably was doing drugs WITH that actor,” one told Radar. “And the guy just said he was forced to smoke because he knew drugs were in his system.” Though Adams has been charged with multiple kidnapping and drug charges, police say all leads will be investigated.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Jeremy London Was Kidnapped And Forced To Do Drugs

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Remember Jeremy London? He’s the London brother from Party of Five, not the one in Dazed And Confused - that would be his twin, Jason. In a stranger-than-fiction tale, London claims he was kidnapped last week while his car was pulled over in Palm Springs as he attempted to change a tire. The alleged kidnappers forced London into his car at gunpoint, drove around Palm Springs and then forced him to smoke dope.

Palm Springs Police Sergeant Steve Douglas described London’s ordeal saying “He told officers (during the kidnapping) that he was forced to smoke dope and then purchase booze and hand it out in a gang area of Palm Springs.” First of all, we never knew Palm Springs had a gang area – we assume that’s the one neighborhood not turned into a golf course.  And second, this story is just plain weird, right? London has battled addiction and gone to rehab in the past which either makes this the worst way to relapse ever, or makes us think perhaps he knew his captors, there definitely has to be more than meets the eye here. Hopefully we’ll get a clearer picture as this crazy and scary story unfolds.

[Photo: Getty Images]