After being “bumped” from Jimmy Kimmel Live “1,205″ times for the past 10 years, Matt Damon exacted his revenge on the late-night host by kidnapping him, tying him to a chair and hosting one of our favorite stunt episodes of a talk show ever. Andy Garcia (sporting a hilarious fake accent), Nicole Kidman, Robin Williams, Ben Affleck, Amy Adams, Gary Oldman, Reese Witherspoon, Sarah Silverman, “band leader” Sheryl Crow and a very weird-looking Demi Moore all made appearances — thus proving that Matt could get anyone and everyone to visit (not that Kimmel’s ever really had trouble with that). And of course, it turned into a great big roast of the host, who recently got his show moved up an hour to the highly competitive 11:35 p.m. slot. Here are our 5 favorite insults (of many!):
“Kimmel is the Death Star, big and round and easily destroyed through his garbage hole.” Matt Damon, who likewise compared himself to Luke Skywalker
“He’s just, he’s not classy.” — Nicole Kidman on why she’s never been on the show before Read more…
It’s on all of us to pitch in and aid those affected by Hurricane Sandy, but it touches a cold, hard part of our soul to see famous people step up and do what’s right following a tragedy. They just have so much more money than us! In addition to Bruce Springsteen, Christina Aguilera, Sting and Billy Joel reminding America to have a heart via song at last week’s Hurricane Sandy: Coming Together telethon, plenty of celebs did their part this week. For example…
East Coast peeps, we hope you’re safe, stocked up and dry. Hurricane Sandy’s been causing all kinds of a mess but we’re staying put and waiting for it to … blow over. This too shall pass, right? So, to keep you distracted and entertained at the same time, through the Frankenstorm, we thought we’d take a gander over at celebrityville and see what the word on Twitter is. Worked for us, because we found at least 10 H’wood tweets that made us crack up in different ways. For instance, while Ricky Gervais‘ tweet made us crack up laughing, Lindsay Lohan‘s made us crack out heads against a wall. And since we can’t banter with them in person, we still got some repartee to dish out. So, we’ll just do it the best way we can — right here!
1. Ricky Gervais: Now we’re calling Sandy “Kandy” now, thanks to you, Ricky. Repping the “K”!
2. Lindsay Lohan: Right, because it’s really not that serious, L.L? World, do not take disaster advice from L.L. EVER.
After Angelina Jolie’s leg at the Oscars, we thought basically every funny thing (intentional or not) on a live TV event would get its own Twitter account. But maybe the people who do these things were too busy celebrating Homeland’s big sweep of the Emmys to do so tonight? At least Kat Dennings‘ boobs are well represented on the social networking site. Here are the other things we’re surprised haven’t been tweeting all night:
Tom Hanks’ amazing mustache (see photo above) Update: Oh! Here it is.
Lena Dunham’s bathroom cake (which she ate in the nude during the opening sketch)
Julie Bowen’s nipple covers (which she thanked profusely in her acceptance speech)
Ellen DeGeneres’ pants (mentioned twice during the show)
Jimmy Kimmel’s parents (ousted by Tracy Morgan for their false promises to Jimmy)
Tracy Morgan’s nunchucks (or his sparkly jacket)
Did we miss any? Have these Twitter accounts been made since we posted this story? Let us know!
Apart from Aaron Paul’s sniffle-inducing shout-outs, the greatest Emmy quote of the night has to be Julia Louis-Dreyfus‘ beautiful acceptance speech for her Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series Emmy. As the Veep star put it, “First of all, I’d like to thank NBC, Parks and Rec, my beautiful boys Archie…and…Abel…” Oh wait! That was Amy Poehler’s acceptance speech, which the Parks and Rec star scrambled on stage to change out for Dreyfus’ real speech, making it the second year in a row Amy Poehler was responsible for the Emmys‘ best bit. Classic Knope! Of course, host Jimmy Kimmel and the rest of the Emmy attendees had more than few excellent quotes in their couture back pockets, such as…
How could you not love Jennifer Aniston even more after the release of this so called “Secret Footage”? In a new ad for Smartwater, Jen pokes fun at herself and all the ridiculous rumors that have been circulating about her in recent years, and there’s no question that Jen has been put through the ringer when it comes to tabloid headlines. There have been so many that it’s getting pretty hard to keep up! So with a little help from Ryan Seacrest and Jimmy Kimmel, Jen finally puts most of the gossip to rest — or does she? Take a look at what gossip she includes, makes up, and doesnt include at all!
The rumors confirmed!
She’s a ditz.
She has an insane workout routine.
She wears a wig.
Call the Enquirer with these scoops:
Jimmy Kimmel is her son, whom she’s been hiding for years.
She has an alien baby.
Her pool is filled with Smartwater.
She’s pregnant with triplets.
She finishes her nighttime routine by saying, “Goodnight, Rachel.”
We see what you did there, Zac Efron. You’re trying to lure us into see your new romantic movie The Lucky One with your supernatural bra-unhooking abilities! We couldn’t help but be swayed when we saw video of you destroying Jimmy Kimmel in a brassiere-removal competition last night. This is just like when you dropped that condom on the red carpet to convince us to see The Lorax. That’s…that’s why everyone else saw The Lorax too, right?
As if that wasn’t enough to charm us into shelling out $12.50, you also talked with People about your sex scenes with costar Taylor Shilling in the film, which is based a Nicholas Sparks novel. “There is sort of a fear inherent in everyone else so me and Taylor weren’t afraid at all,” you explained. Added Taylor, “I think the harder part is doing some of the emotional scenes and then once those are done, it’s like, you want me to kiss you? Meh. No big deal.” Well, if the sex scenes are anything like the ones in the film adaptation of Sparks’ The Notebook, that’s reason enough for us sprint immediately to the nearest movie theater. Oh no…now we’re talking ourselves into seeing your movie! Damn you, Zac Efron! Damn you and your nimble fingers and impressive acting ability!
Get ready for your mid-morning cry sesh, folks. Jimmy Kimmel made an emotional return to his late night show last night following the death of his beloved Uncle Frank Potenza on August 23rd. Frank had been a mainstay on the Jimmy Kimmel Live! since it’s debut back in 2003, often acting as the most hilarious part of the comedy sketches. And like a good nephew, Jimmy paid a touching a teary tribute to his uncle in the opening monologue. And it will have you crying harder than Beaches and My Girl combined.
“Listen, I’m gonna try to do this without crying, but I’m probably gonna fail,” he told the audience. “But just turn away or something, because it’s embarrassing. It really is.” He then launched into his favorite Frank anecdotes, including the former police man’s desire to live to 103 and become to oldest retired cop on record. “Not because he wanted to set a record or be in the paper,” Jimmy clarified, “he just wanted to stick them for another 25 years of pension checks.” A man after our own heart. “Uncle Frank loved being a part of this show…He loved you,” said the visibly emotional host. “And thanks to all of you who came to the show and watched, for indulging me and letting me put my crazy uncle on television.”
Jimmy then rolled a montage of Frank’s greatest TV moments, set to the tune “My Way” by that other Frank, Frank Sinatra. Excuse us for a moment, we seem to have something in our eye…*tear*
Such sad news to report. Lovely Uncle Frank Potenza from Jimmy Kimmel Live! died early yesterday morning. The silver haired guard was a staple on the show featuring in many comedic sketches. He was only 77 when he passed away and details around the cause of death have not yet been released. ABC‘s statement reads, “It is with great sadness that the staff and crew of ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live!’ mourn the loss of ‘Uncle Frank’ Potenza. He was beloved by his co-workers and considered an uncle to all. His kindness and humor will be missed by everyone he touched.”
Before working on Jimmy Kimmel‘s — his nephew — show, Frank spent 2 decades as an NYC police officer. Kimmel tweeted, “thank you for your kind words about a very kind man – my Uncle Frank – who passed away this morning.”
We aren’t sayingCharlie Sheen kissing Jimmy Kimmel last night and Sheen needing a psych evaluation to see his sons are in any way related. We’re just saying as far as we know, very few celebrities will have to undergo both in their lifetime (hope you’re still doing well, Sarah Silverman!). “You lips are very moist,” Sheen tells Kimmel after dashing in and smooching him passionately during a Mark Cuban interview. After running through the audience handing out his merchandise, Sheen gifts Kimmel a mug with two cartoon foxes taped to the side, seemingly a reference to Sheen’s rumored Fox project. We’d say even fewer people can add a Fox show to their ever-growing stockpile of insane projects, but knowing that channel, it’s probably roughly the same.
As if that video isn’t enough evidence already, Sheen undergoing psychiatric examination was only a matter of time, regardless of Charlie’s latest clean drug test. According a source reporting to RadarOnline, “Charlie must submit to a mental health evaluation with a licensed professional before he can see Bob and Max. Charlie won’t see the boys until he sees a psychiatrist, that is someone neutral, that hasn’t previously treated him.” Sheen hasn’t submitted for a test yet; we’re assuming it’s because he’s too busy printing out pictures of foxes and pasting them to his dishware. Another thing so few famous people are doing these days…