How long have we been been saying it: musician Shooter Jennings is the new Taylor Swift! At least when it comes to his interpersonal relationship with John Mayer at least. In fact, it was the very Rolling Stone article where Mayer discussed Swift’s “humiliating” “Dear John” song that set Jennings off on a truly delightful Twitter tirade. “I love how the “neil young of our generation” self-naming king douche grows his hair out + buys a place in Montana just to do RS article,” the country music DJ and songwriter snarled this evening. “Claims he’s “done w hollywood game” and has “roots” and then immediately cuts hair, goes back to hollywood clubs + starts banging Katy Perry.” Yikes! That does sound like great material for yet another anti-John Taylor Swift song though, doesn’t it? Unless Shooter wants it? You guys will work it out!
Jennings makes no claims about actually knowing John Mayer in real life, which sort of makes this rant even funnier. Oh, in addition to John Mayer not having a Twitter, meaning he’ll have to make some kind of official statement if he wants to even comment on Shooter’s rant. “That’s enough, John Mayer.” Shooter concluded. “Sorry to s– talk. Lord knows not everybody likes my ass. But seeing that RS in my friggin bathroom & reading the narcissistic drivel…” We’re calling it now: Shooter Jennings/Taylor Swift duet 2013. Count it!
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We sort of figured that John Mayer‘s chances with the ladies were slim these days given his record as a bit of a dog who likes to blab about his conquests. That’s why we’re not really believing the rumor that Mayer is hooking up with Oscar-winner Kate Winslet, and we’re a little repulsed by the idea of it. Kate’s too classy for that, right? But Star Magazine reported that the two are secretly seeing each other, and the pairing makes no sense to us. “Kate Winslet is trying her best to keep her steamy new hookup under wraps,” Star reports. “But the newly single Oscar winner, 35, has been secretly spending time with notorious ladies’ man John Mayer, 33, Star has learned!”
We feel bad for Winslet, not just because of this rumor, but also because on the off-chance that it’s true, Jessica “Sexual Napalm” Simpson has got to be a tough act to follow.
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The sinking ship known as John Mayer was intent on taking down everyone it came in contact with this past year. Unfortunately, his reputation as a dirty dog started to get out of hand and along with actual hookups with people like Taylor Swift, there were fabricated rumors as well. One such rumor concerned Mayer hooking up with Food Network Chef Giada De Laurentiis at the Standard Hotel in New York last November. De Laurentiis, who is married and has a two-year-old daughter, quickly denied the claims, but in a recent interview with Redbook, clearly is still shaken up by the allegations.
De Laurentiis says she and her husband Todd Thompson were blindsided by the reports of an affair, and explains “The John Mayer incident was completely unexpected. I was shocked. And not so much for me, but for my husband and family…Todd was embarrassed that his family in Michigan would see it and think, ‘What is going on over there in Hollywood?’” Embarrassment is really the only emotion one can feel when they get swept up in a John Mayer rumor, so there ain’t no shame there, Todd. De Laurentiis also said that though she has met Mayer once, there’s no logic to how how the rumors started. She says “the only things that could possibly have tied us together is that we were at the same hotel that weekend in question—which, by the way, my husband was with me there as well.” We’re inclined to believe Giada, but that’s mainly because we like her show and we really don’t want this incident to ruin the Food Network for us.
[Photos: Getty Images]
Another day, another story about how John Mayer creeped a girl out with his inappropriate sex-talk. According to Page Six, Mayer was recently at a bar on New York’s Upper East Side when he and a young woman struck up a conversation. After chatting for a few minutes, he allegedly offered the woman some unsolicited advice as to how to keep a man happy. The source explained “He said that she was going to make someone very happy one day, as long as she remembered to talk dirty while having sex.” At least he didn’t offer to tuck her in or make references to his racist d—, but still, what gives, John Mayer? Are you really that 12-years-old that you need to tell a stranger this kind of stuff?
We just hope Mayer’s skeeze didn’t rub off too much on Taylor Swift‘s sweet, impressionable little self. We know we’ve been critical of the fact that Taylor’s dating Jake Gyllenhaal who’s ten years older than she is, but that’s because we totally forgot she had been involved with Mayer, who is 12 years older and way more objectionable.
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John Mayer, looking somewhere between Johnny Depp and your sketchy, jobless uncle, showed up at a corporate holiday last week and had fun serving as the backdrop for several party-goers’ photo booth pictures. The party was for IAC, which is the company that owns CollegeHumor.com and Match.com, among other websites. Reportedly, no one knows why Mayer was at the party (and lurking in the photo booth), although it seems obvious to us that he wanted a free subscription to Match.com. (“Likes: sexual napalm, blue guitar. Dislikes: women my own age, Twitter.”)
Check out a few more shots of Mayer lurking in the background below.
[Photo: ONTD via The Digital Photo Booth]
A lot of people weren’t happy about Chelsea Handler‘s tirade against Angelina Jolie, and one of them is Jennifer Aniston. Chelsea’s new buddy is reportedly not pleased that the verbal attack took place so soon after they were spotted hanging out over Thanksgiving, leading people to believe she is still moaning about Angie, who is currently dating ex-husband Brad Pitt.
“Jen has gone out of her way to keep her private feelings about that woman who stole her husband private and has always asked her friends to do the same,” a friend told PopEater’s Rob Shuter. “She is furious with Chelsea for bring the whole situation back to life again and landing her on the cover of a weekly magazine tomorrow with a Brad headline.” Apparently the last time she felt this bad was when John Mayer broke up with her in a press conference. Poor Jen.
Chelsea took to her show yesterday to defend her comments, and make sure people knew she wasn’t speaking for her friend Jennifer.Ã‚Â “I’ve been making fun of Angelina Jolie since she made out with her brother,” Chelsea laughed. “If I’ve learned nothing from this, it’s to write some new jokes!”
If you’ve ever considered dating Taylor Swift (which, hello, who in North America hasn’t?), keep in mind that any jack-ass moves on your part will be immediately recorded and played back you in a beautiful lilting drawl. Because, in her own words, Taylor Swift will never stop writing songs about her love life. Says Swift, “I’ve had this formula for a long time that I’ve kind of applied to my music.” The formula being Taylor falls in love, gets her baby-bird heart smooshed into the dirt, then writes a million-dollar song about it: a painful, yet lucrative, process.
Explains Taylor, “And if I change that whole process of writing music, that entire process of writing songs in my bedroom about what I’m going through at that moment — because the only way I know how to understand pain or move past it is to write songs about it — if I change that, I’m really more changing a part of who I am. And I don’t really want to start doing that.” Neither does anyone else! Oh…well, except for John Mayer (allegedly)…and any other crumb bums Swift has sucked face with…which seems to be a lot…
So, is Taylor worried that any normal man would run screaming away from a relationship that will almost certainly end up on the radio? Shrugs the singer, “It’s understandable, but … I’ve never kept quiet the fact that I write songs about people,” she said. “It’s like, this is album number three. You guys have had fair warning!” Snaaaaaaaaaaap! So bring it, boyfriends. Here we thought we had to keep all of our angsty poetry to ourselves. It turns out you can show it to everyone and people will still date you! Well, at least if you are a gorgeous blond with the voice of a Southern angel…which we totally are, in case you are wondering. Excuse us, we have to go weep into our sonnet journal now. [Photo: Getty Images]
We have kind of a love-hate thing going with John Mayer. On the one hand he seems reasonably smart and is a consumer and creator of web content and has a mouth we wouldn’t mind licking La Esquina salsa off of. On the other hand, he’s John Mayer and he’s f*cking annoying. (Example: Mayer’s Rolling Stone interview, the sexual napalm comment, the O face he makes while playing mediocre sad girl jamz, etc.)
But today he ripped the Huffington Post a new a-hole so big that it made us squeal with delight (and also grab our own a-holes in empathetic pain). John took the uber-blog to task on his Tumblr site for their story on his alleged reunion with Jennifer Aniston, in a post he titled, “Huffington Post FULL OF SHIT? (Yes!). ” Yes! He writes, “Huffington Post, this is reporting? How do you pay your writers now, in Silly Bandz? Do you meet your sources in a malt shoppe? This is equal parts fabricated, cobbled together and misleading.”
Oh John, you had us at the Silly Bandz diss. He adds: “The reason I’m calling you out instead of all the other magazines that make stories up out of thin air is that In Touch and Star Magazine aren’t concurrently writing pieces about Pat Tillman or WikiLeaks. Those other rags know who they are, and even if they’re obnoxious, I’d rather have to live with them because they (and the rest of the world) know where they stand, which doesn’t make them one tenth as dangerous as you are.”
His anger has us swooning, which is TOTALLY why Jennifer Aniston got back together with the guy! Right John? Just admit it – you are Jen are totally a thing again? Right? (Yes, we only wrote that so you’d get mad and blog about us too. What can we say? We jeals.)
Another day, another Michael Lohan arrest, and yet another John Mayer interview where he tries to be funny but comes off as a jackass. It’s like these celebrities can’t think of any new and creative ways to entertain us. This time, however, Mayer isn’t skeeving us out by talking about former conquests or macking on girls a decade younger than him , he’s just being blissfully ignorant of how lame he sounds.
Allow us to break down this most recent talking point about how he’s totally not gonna sell out by creating a line of perfume. It sounds halfway between a failed stand-up routine and that annoying friend you have that ends every bad joke with “Am I right??”
I’m not selling ‘John Mayer: the cologne’. If I did it would just smell like sausage and sleep.
Wokka wokka! Sausage! And SLEEP! Sleep doesn’t even smell, you guys!
I don’t look at my fans and think, ‘Wow, they really like what I do musically. Imagine if I could get 60 more dollars out of them!’
So noble! Wait, he could totally do a Designer Imposters version of his own cologne and sell it on the cheap. If you love “John Mayer Smells Like Ass”, you’ll love “Running For Mayer”.
Who out there really goes, ‘You know what, I just f**king love perfumes. I always have since I was a kid. If I weren’t a pop singer, I’d be a perfumier…’ (sic)? At some point I may turn into an a**hole, but right now I just peddle a CD for 15 dollars every two years.
Er, at some point?
Oh John, you’re even more clueless than we thought. And you’re missing a great opportunity, there’s a tag line somewhere in making your body smell like a wonderland. [Photo: Getty Images]
If you’re female and a tabloid cover regular, we have great news for you: it is now safe to hit the club, because womanizer John Mayer will not be hitting on you! Serial dater John is reportedly taking a break from the ladies?! “I’m not dating,” the singer said on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. “I don’t know if you know this, but I have sort of a funny track record.”
That “funny track record” of course includes Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and Minka Kelly. “For some reason, whoever I date has been famous for awhile,” he says. “I can’t sit here and be like, ‘Oh, please, let me live my life in private with this famous person who’s been around for 15 years.’ I have to figure out what are the things that I ask for and sign up for, in terms of cause and effect. The last thing you want is to see me bashing my head going, ‘I’m shocked that I’m being followed right now.’”
Come on, John, we all know you’re not shocked. You secretly play a little game with yourself where you win if there are more paparazzi waiting outside of the trendy restaurant you just exited with your lady of the moment than there were the last time. We know you love it. We saw you counting in your head when you left La Esquina with Jennifer Aniston a few months ago.
Despite the attention to his previous romances, John insists he wants 2010 to bring less scrutiny on his love life. “I have a good heart. I think I may have gotten lost a couple of times, but so does everybody. I’m just going to hunker down. 2010 is a peaceful year for me, no matter what I do.” We’ll see how long this will last. What famous lady do you think John will bed next? [Source: Us Weekly; Photo: Getty Images]