Johnny Knoxville and Jackson Nicoll in ‘Bad Grandpa.’
Gross-out humor. Lots of jokes about genitalia. Guys doing stupid stunts that put their lives in danger just to impress each other. There’s a lot in the whole Jackass franchise to make smart women shudder and look the other way. Not to buy entirely into stereotypes here — some of us are WAY into gross-out genitalia stunts, of course. But as a girly girl who’s been a fan of Johnny Knoxville and Co. for 13 years now, I’m here to tell you, shall we say, rom-com-loving ladies that there’s plenty for you to love in this body of work too. Allow me to walk you through it in seven easy steps.
Just in time for Martin Luther King Day, we have for you an exclusive red band trailer of the movie specifically designed to offend people of all races, creeds and sexual orientation, Movie 43. In the most hilarious way, of course, because that was MLK Jr.’s dream, right? When the first trailer came out, we pointed out the things we couldn’t help but laugh at, even though we knew we really shouldn’t. This new trailer includes many of those again — Anna Faris‘ indecent proposal to Chris Pratt, Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber bullying their home-schooled teen, Terrence Howard’s totally racist basketball coaching technique — and a couple of other jems, namely:
- Kieran Culkin and Emma Stone debating which of the Golden Girls was “the slutty one.”
- Elizabeth Banks pointing out to Josh Duhamel that their cartoon cat masturbates to pictures of him.
Ew. But jeez, can you blame him?
[Photo: Relativity Media]
Related: Movie 43 Trailer: Which A-Lister Is Most Hilariously Offensive?
There are so many hilariously offensive lines and scenarios in the trailer for Movie 43, we’re having a hard time imagining how many more will fit into the full-length movie. It’s a veritable Scary Movie for the PC crowd. After watching it a couple of times, we’re a little more immune to the shock. Our innocent ears can now fully embrace the humor. Here, for your cataloging pleasure, is a list of all the terrible (amazing) things these stars do and say:
- Anna Faris asks real-life husband Chris Pratt, “Will you poop on me?”
- Emma Stone asks Kieran Culkin, “How’s your HPV?”
- Halle Berry blows out a blind kid’s birthday candles on a dare.
We haven’t checked the registry yet, but we’re assuming they’re still time to pick out a tiny crash helmet, motorbike and mouth guard for Johnny Knoxville’s baby daughter Arlo. “Yesterday Oct 6th Naomi, Madison, Rocko & I welcomed a brand new baby girl into our family. Her name is Arlo & mommy & baby r doing great!!,” the Jackass star tweeted on Friday. Knoxville announced back in April that he was expecting his second little daredevil with wife Naomi Nelson, in addition to daughter from his first marriage Madison Lynn Clapp, which, sadly, was not probably enough enough time to destroy all footage of her dad’s testicles getting gorged by a bull. Or slammed into a motorcycle seat while he performed a backflip. Or Super Glued to his thigh. So, welcome to the world, baby girl!
Despite the eye-watering punishment the Jackass star’s penis has received over the years, Johnny Knoxville’s baby announcement with wife Naomi Nelson suggests that, while his junk might look like “a dogÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s chew-toy” and/or “a sock thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s lost its elasticity,” it’s not about to give up the ghost quite yet. “My wife naomi and i are super happy to announce that we are having another little bambino in the fall,” the actor wrote on his Facebook wall. “My 15-year-old daughter madison is very excited about it, and her 16-month-old little brother rocko has, well, no clue. wahoo!!” Here we are this whole time, watching Knoxville get gorged in the testicles and thrown into the handlebars of a motorcycle over and over again like he’s an idiot. We should have had more faith in him. And his wiener.
What happened to your sweet girl? She’s gone…and has been replaced by one Mr. Rip Taylor! As much as we loved their crotch-jabbing version of Inception and armpit-licking take on The Social Network, the Jackass riff on Black Swan didn’t just make Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman bust up laughing. If you’ve ever longed to see Johnny Knoxville caress Ryan Dunn as he psychologically pushes him toward the brink of artistic perfection, then, against all logically odds, you’re about to get what you most desire. Can Rip play the Nina role in the inevitable sequel? Can Rip play all of the roles in the inevitable sequel?
Not content to riff on Inception, Johnny Knoxville and the gentleman of Jackass take on Best Movie winner’s The Social Network as well. Bam Margera makes a strong yet naked argument, while Knoxville makes a perfect Jesse Eisenberg in our grandmother’s Saturday night wig. We’re sure David Fincher and the gang are happy to takes the insults, since it also means they took home a CCMA.
Brace yourself for a dose of Jackass at this year’s Critics’ Choice Movie Awards, airing live Friday at 9/8c. Featuring the likes of Matt Damon, Quentin Tarantino, Julianne Moore, Gov. Schwarzenegger and many A-list attendees, this star-studded show will be shaken up a bit as Johnny Knoxville and gang parody movies up for Best Picture. In addition to Inception (ever wonder about the lovely ladies who haunt Steve-O‘s dreams?), the crew is setting its sights on The Social Network, Black Swan and 127 Hours.
Spoiler alert: Bam Margera to get naked for The Social Network! Tune in at 8/7c for the Critics’ Choice Awards red carpet extravaganza, hosted by La La Vazquez and Tim Kash. Maroon 5 is this year’s house band.
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See Critics’ Choice Awards Stars, Get Their Red Carpet Looks
The hottest stars in music hopped the pond last night for MTV Europe Music Awards. If you thought Ke$ha, Katy Perry, and Rihanna took fashion risks stateside, wait until you see what they did in Madrid! Interpret their eye-catching choices as crazy hot or just plain crazy; either way, they’re worth a closer look. Here are the 12 most mind-boggling get-ups worn across the Atlantic last night.
12. Johnny Rogers: Johnny Knoxville
11. Colonial Chic: Miley Cyrus
10. Fancy Feather Duster: Snooki
9. Wedding Bells: Rihanna
8. One Hot Ticket: Katy Perry
7. Violet Clash: Ke$ha
6. Algae Alert: Katy Perry
5. Apocalyptic Pink: Hayley Williams
4. 80s Prom Gone Wrong: Eva Longoria Parker
3. Train O’ Tissue: Rihanna
2. Walk of Shame: Taylor Momsen
1. Neon Warrior Princess: Ke$ha
Bonus: Lollipop Guild 2010: Snooki and Wee Man
The 2010 MTV EMAs air on MTV this Friday, November 12th at 9PM EST.
If you have a wiener, you need’ll to be seated or lying down to read this post, as you will probably slip into unconsciousness during the first paragraph. In a Vanity Fair article about his new movie Jackass 3-D, Johnny Knoxville admits that years of penis-punishing pranks have caused some damage in his bathing suit area….like, serious damage. Says Knoxville of his meat and two veg, “It’s just like a dog’s chew-toy down there. I broke my penis about three years ago trying to backflip a motorcycle. So that did’t help its appearance, although it’s pretty cute. I still have to use a catheter twice a day and it’s been three years now.” TWO TIMES A DAY?!? We just left our bodies and floated up onto the ceiling, that’s how painful that sounds.
Explains Knoxville, “No, I can piss without it. I just have to keep the scar tissue from constricting down there. It looks like a sock that’s lost its elasticity. You know the kind that droop around your ankles? That’s what my penis looks like.” Whose socks look like that?!?! Throw those socks away and get new ones! We have to say though, the Jackass guys have always been the only TV and film stars we think really earn their money. Are Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise risking a torn scrotum or life-long catheter use with their movies’ stunts? No. No, they are not.
However, as Jackass 3D co-star Bam Margera points out, junk-related stunts aren’t all bad: “I think the only one who came out ahead in this movie is Chris (Pontius). He did a skit called “The Helicockter” where he tied a string to his penis and the other end was attached to a remote-control helicopter. It ripped off so hard, he said he gained a few inches.” Do not do that at home, you guys. No woman in the world cares about size that much.
[Photo: Getty Images]