Surprisingly absolutely no one, word came today that Angus T. Jones will “likely” be leaving Two And A Half Men after this season. It turns out, most people’s bosses don’t like when you publicly refer to your workplace as “filth” and encourage people to avoid it. It’s a lesson each employee must learn. Of course, Jones’ alleged departure is really only one sign that Two And A Half Men has run its course. In case you needed more persuading, consider the fact that…
According to TV Guide‘s latest survey of salaries for TV actors, hosts and judges, the average pay rate has gone down in recent years. The reason, they say, is that a lot of movie stars are getting into TV, and competition is pushing down prices. So, you know, the typical star of a new TV show might only earn $30,000 an episode (tiny tears). Still, there are some mighty impressive paychecks being earned by the big names. Ashton Kutcher, for example, is raking in $700,000 an episode for his second season on Two and a Half Men, and his co-star Jon Cryer earns a not-too-shabby $600,000 per. They’re followed close behind by NCIS star Mark Harmon at $500,000 an ep (yes, that show is still on the air and very popular; ask your grandma). Mariah Carey’s $17 million gig on American Idol makes her reality-TV’s top earner.
But those folks have nothing on the syndicated TV stars. Judge Judy gets a reported $45 million a year, while Joe Brown and Kelly Ripa earn $20 million. David Letterman earns $28 million, and Jay Leno is a bargain at $25 mil. This makes sense of course, since all of the above work throughout the year, as opposed to your typical TV series. But if you’re planning your career, kids, the moral here is that there’s no money in sitcoms — go straight for the robe and gavel!
It was about this time last year that America was caught up in the tiger-blod-soaked, warlock-populated insanity that was Charlie Sheen‘s extremely public meltdown. While the man has fortunately moved on, even landing new show Anger Management, the actor obviously hasn’t forgotten The Dark Times either. “Clearly, a guy gets fired, his relationships are in the toilet, he’s off on some f—ing tour, there’s nothing ‘winning’ about any of that,” Sheen told this month’s Rolling Stone. “I mean, how does a guy who’s obviously quicksanded, how does he consider any of it a victory? I was in total denial.” He took the words right out of our mouth! Of course, Charlie’s dismissal from Two and a Half Men and divorce from Brooke Mueller were only a few of the shocking parts of his crash, and nowhere near the craziest. The five most jaw-dropping moments of his breakdown (as we remember it) would have to be:
1. That coke-fueled hotel room trashing: The first and perhaps the most conspicuous event in Charlie’s months-long meltdown was his October 2010 rampage through New York’s Plaza Hotel, during which he ransacked his room and allegedly held porn star Capri Anderson against her will. If only we could have foreseen the absurdity to follow… 2. Jon Cryer beef: Sheen called his Two and a Half Men costar a “a troll” for a host of perceived slights. A completely uncalled for insult, but on the other hand, lol. Read more…
It’s impossible to imagine watching an episode of Friends without seeing the familiar faces of Jennifer Aniston, David Schwimmer, Courteney Cox, Matthew Perry, Lisa Kudrow and Matt Leblanc. The chemistry generated between the gang made it one of the most iconic lineups in TV history. Hell, they’re like the Beatles of situation comedies! John, Paul, George and Kevin just doesn’t have the same ring to it, y’know? So by the same token, it’s a little jarring to see the original casting choices for the legendary show.
The news comes to us from the folks at Vanity Fair, who are running an “oral history” of the series in their latest issue. It’s definitely fascinating to see how television history might have turned out. Could Jon Cryer have been a snarkier Chandler? Would Tea Leoni have made a better Rachel? Tantalizing questions indeed! Click under the jump to see which celebs almost played your favorite Friends!
Meeeeeeeeen! The reports are in, and Ashton Kutcher’s Two And A Half Men character is allegedly named Walden Schmidt, “an Internet billionaire with a broken heart.” Schmidt reportedly scoops up the Men house in the first two episodes, following Charlie Harper’s funeral during the season premiere. So what we’re hearing is that there is a teeny, tiny chance Walden could be the reincarnation of Charlie Sheen‘s perverted uncle. Just let us live our dream a little longer, okay?
CBS entertainment president Nina Tassler announced the character this week, though did not announce why a despondent fat cat would hang out with some whiner and his adolescent son after buying their house. Maybe Walden adopts Angus T. Jones as his son and keeps Jon Cryer as some sort of obnoxious coat rack? It all sounds a little odd, but then again, who would have guessed a socially awkward mad scientist neighbor would work on a sitcom, and yet Family Matters pulled it off for nine glorious seasons. Meeeeeeeeen!
Get ready, because Two And A Half Men is about to get even less funny. The sitcom’s long awaited return to the airwaves in September will feature a funeral for Charlie Sheen’s character. Considering the acrimonious split between Sheen and the production, we bet that the scenes will probably serve as a giant middle finger pointed defiantly at the one with tiger blood coursing through his veins. Revenge is best served cold as a corpse, and at prime time.
We’re also getting an insight as to how Ashton Kutcher arrives at Casa Del Charlie. After the funeral, Jon Cryer puts the Malibu mansion up for sale, and various celebrity guest stars show up for a viewing. Ashton is apparently the lucky buyer, ushering in a whole new era of hijinks. We have no idea why Ashton agrees to take the place with one and a half men still living inside (to act as servants?), but this show could go on forever with this technique. Or at least until Cryer and half-man Angus T. Jones put a stop to it. Come on guys, you’re our only hope.
Jon Cryer really must not read his show’s press. Despite Charlie Sheen‘s life-long history of drug abuse, whoring and violence—a history Two And A Half Men was partly based around—the guy’s old co-star swore to David Letterman he had no idea that Charlie was headed for a meltdown. “It’s as much a mystery to me as to everyone, I think,” he explained. “My favorite moment was I got a text from someone, saying, ‘Charlie Sheen just called Thomas Jefferson a —y.’ I said, ‘I think things are getting out of hand.’” And they weren’t when Charlie was 9/11 truthing and attacking his wife with a knife after a drug crazed night in Aspen? People should text Jon more often.
Despite Charlie slandering the author our nation’s constitution, Jon says he’s still got plenty of love for the guy. “I love him, he’s a great friend,” he said. “All of us, none of us wanted to continue with the show if we felt like it was hurting him, and there was a point at which, we felt like, there’s no control over him.” Maybe he’s just saying these things because he doesn’t want Charlie to hurt him.
Does Ashton Kutcher have the “best job in show business“? Judging by his smile, we’re leaning towards yes, he really thinks he does. Now that he’s officially part of Two and a Half Men, Ashton posed with his new co-stars, Jon Cryer and Angus T. Jones for the first time at The CBS 2011 Upfront party in New York yesterday. Now imagine them in tuxedos with a red curtain behind then, singing “men, men, men men, manly men” and voila! We have a show! And if you think this is all very staid and poserish, take a look after the jump at the photo Ashton tweeted of them behind all that stagey smiling! Read more…
Put down your #biwinning t-shirt and listen to us. No seriously, put it down. We’re sorry to tell you this, but we might be looking at a Two And A Half Men without Charlie Sheen. The Hollywood Reporter claims that producer Chuck Lorre has proposed a Sheen-less sitcom to Jon Cryer. Unfortunately for Lorre, he has to get his plan in place by May 18, in order to present in the newly formatted show to advertisers at the network’s upfronts. In addition to previously mentioned stars like Jeremy Piven rumored to be joining the program, names like Woody Harrelson and Bob Saget have been mentioned in conjuncture with the reboot. Personally, we don’t know if either of those actors would necessarily fit the bill. Based on the 3/4 of an episode we saw a few years ago in which Charlie, no joke, slept with an entire coven of witches, Sheen is the carefree yin to Cryer’s anxious yang, the slutty cream to his buttoned-up coffee. Even ifÃ‚Â Two And A Half Men‘s Angus T. Jones qualifies as a grown-up by now, we still need half a man to break even!
Unfortunately, not everyone familiar with the show is optimistic about the show’s post-warlock survival. TMZ reports that the fact no offers have officially been made to replacement actors is a bad sign. One insider even predicts a Two And A Half Men cancellation in Lorre’s future, claiming “There really is a good chance the show won’t come back.” Our suggestion? Get an actor even more uptight than Jon Cryer, then slide Jon over to the bad boy role. Call up David Hyde Pierce from Frasier. You know he’s just waiting by the phone anyway.
No offense to Charlie (or actually, if he wants to take offense from this loser troll, that’s fine), but we love that Cryer is actually able to transition from losing his sitcom job and dealing with all this insanity by quietly getting a respectable job in New York with some amazing actors while Charlie continues to ruin his own chances for respectability in the future. Now where has half-man Angus T. Jones been? Hopefully he follows the Cryer example and stays far, far away from the tiger blood.