Some fathers know best, and other fathers know hookers. Some fathers play golf, and others play the field. Some dads mow the lawn, and others mow down mailboxes with their Mercedes while drinking and driving. Some fathers make plans to take their wives out for dinner, while others make plans to “take their wives out.” And then there are some dads who pretend they’re not dads at all! Think we’re kidding? We wish.
It’s safe to say that not all fathers know best. Just look at Michael Lohan, Jon Gosselin, Mel Gibson, and other guys we wouldn’t trust with a pair of scissors, not to mention a kid! So join us this Father’s Day while we count down the 15 worst pops of all, ranked by the standard unit of bad dads: the Michael Lohan. If your face is in the gallery below, you’re probably not getting a tie for Father’s Day this year.
[Photo: Getty Images]
15. Joe Simpson
14. Eddie Murphy
13. Bruce Jenner
12. Jude Law
11. Mel Gibson
10. Ryan O’Neal
9. Tiger Woods
8. Jon Gosselin
7. Arnold Schwarzenegger
6. Mathew Knowles
5. Charlie Sheen
4. Joe Jackson
3. Michael Lohan
2. O.J. Simpson
1. John Phillips
Ding dong the witch is cancelled! After six years as the scariest reality matriarch this side of Kris Jenner, TLC has decided to pull the plug on Kate Gosselin and her army of cuteness. The network has issued a statement that they have decided not to renew Kate Plus 8, a series which follows the wacky antics of an exploited family disintegrating in front of a cold, unflinching camera lens. Kate took to her twitter to confirm the end of the show’s stretch after nearly 150 episodes. “TLC cancelled it. I’m sorry. We’ve had a great run! Six years of whirlwind fun-filled adventures.” Yet she’s looking ahead to the future, expressing a desire to do some “motivational speaking, book writing…and maybe even some dating!” She insists it’s not an end, but a new beginning. “Remember,” she wrote, “This is not a goodbye. I prefer to say, ‘See you around.’” We prefer “Goodbye.”
But she’s right, it isn’t totally over for Kate and the gang. TLC plans to “check in with Kate and the family periodically with specials in the future.” No word on whether daddy Jon, who bitterly split from Kate last year, will be invited back as well. But he did reveal to Radar Online that he was very relieved at the cancellation. “I hope that this will bring more privacy to my children and that they can get the proper attention they need for any personal issues they might have in the future.” Or they’ll just make it into a spin-off series, Reality Rehab.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Sure, Kate Gosselin still has her TV show and Jon’s smoking on someone’s roof, but who’s worrying about the innocent bystanders most affected by the reality TV couple’s legendary meltdown? Of course, we’re referring to their marriage counselors. White Haven, Pennsylvania’s Creative Energy Commons is suing Kate Gosselin for $10,476 after the mother of 8 asked one of their doctors to fly to LA twice in early 2009 (for “marriage counseling”), and then refused to pay for the services or travel expenses. Maybe she assumed TLC would pick up the tab?
Timing-wise, these visits would have been around the time Kate was on her book-promoting tour while Jon was partying with co-eds in Pennsylvania. Doesn’t that seem like eons ago? Even more interestingly, the same doctor, Sylvia Lafair, was described in June 2010 as Jon Gosselin’s “life coach.” How come the bill didn’t come up around then? Maybe they were waiting until the whole divorce ordeal was over…to remind us of it all over again.
[Photo: Getty Images]
If you remember Hailey Glassman, pat yourself on the back…or slap yourself in the face. Workin’ man Jon Gosselin may be smoking on a roof in a hardhat these days, but his ex-girlfriend is still talking about him more than a year after their split—and long after everyone else stopped caring. Radar just tagged along with Glassman for a trip back to the Alexandria in Manhattan, where Hailey was accused of robbing Gosselin’s apartment in December ’09 (don’t tell us you forgot!). Police wound up looking the other way—the butcher knife pinning a note to the kitchen table was hoax-tastic—but Glassman obviously still feels the issue is unsettled.
The staff, rocking pained, professional grins in Radar‘s video, nod politely as Hailey reminds them who she is and how the drama was all “lies,” with the concierge offering “[Jon]‘s an a—hole…he scares me. I really ask myself, how could you do what you did, being such a nice person?” (Fame is a drug, baby!) Hopefully this experience will be therapeutic for Hailey, allowing her to stop drudging up The Age Of JoGo with Radar every couple months. Sure, mid-2009 was glamorous time full of horse carriage rides, stoned vacations in St. Barts, and tiny penises, but Jon’s moment in the sun—and by extension, that of his ladies—has passed. Let JoGo go. Go corrupt a Duggar or something.
Hey, it’s been a while since we’ve talked Gosselin! Back in December we reported that Jon Gosselin re-joined the rat race and got a normal, non-reality-show job in his old field of IT. Now it looks like Gosselin has switched careers yet again, and again we applaud him for doing the thing that is best for his family and not the thing that involves celebrity boxing or emulating Michael Lohan. It’s a miracle!
Gosselin got a job working for a green energy firm installing solar panels on buildings and TMZ has plenty of photos of him on the job…and on break from his job. It’s a real gig and it’s good for the environment! We’re actually impressed. Now, we just hope Kate will follow his lead. Meanwhile, we hope the kids are doing okay. Aaden, we miss you and your glasses!
A month after Radar Online first claimed Alexis and Collin Gosselin were expelled from school for hitting other students—which mom Kate denied—the tab is now changing its story: turns out the Gosselin tots were also attacking adults. “Both Jon and Kate were sent a letter from the head of school explaining that despite their best efforts, staff had reached a point at which they had to request the children enroll in another program,” says their source. “Both Alexis and Colin received three full weeks of intensive special treatment to focus their behavior…[but] it became apparent to the school that the pair needed intensive assistance to help them with their social, emotional and academic needs.”
Though Kate blamed her divorce from Jon Gosselin for the drama (“there has been nothing but positive that has come out of [the show]“), it sure sounds like reality-show stardom is playing a part, too. “Collin actually covered his face when he was having his school photograph taken because he thought he shouldn’t be photographed,” says Radar‘s insider. After Kate’s meltdown on Sarah Palin’s Alaska, it looks like everyone could use a time out from TV.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Kate Gosselin got rid of her signature hairstyle (R.I.P. spiky opposite-mullet) right around the time she joined Dancing With The Stars, and we’ve really missed talking about her locks. Back then, her hair was was delightfully terrible, a fashion faux-pas that seemed to blaze a trail for millions of other sassy moms who wanted to rock what they thought was “hip” and “cool,” when in reality, it was a Supercuts special. Today, Kate’s hair is news for exactly the opposite reason: she reportedly dropped thousands of dollars at the salon to get her hair did.
The mother of eight reportedly spent $950 on a haircut at New York’s Ted Gibson Salon, and that doesn’t include the cost of keratin treatment and coloring, plus the costs of traveling to New York from her Pennsylvania home to meet with Gibson himself. All in all, reports estimate that she spent over $2000 on her hair to achieve this Kelly Ripa knockoff look. No wonder she’s still trying to keep her show on the air: mama needs her high-gloss treatments. Is this why Jon Gosselin had to get a new job?
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Those Gosselins won’t stop until everyone’s as embittered as they are! According to tabloid reports, Jon and Kate‘s six-year-old sextuplets are accused of ruining Christmas for their classmates, upsetting them with news that Santa Claus does not exist. Sure, this is a childhood mini-trauma that has to happen eventually (sorry, if you made it to this post without finding out yourself), but we’re a little taken aback by how the little spoilsports went about their mental balloon-popping: Jon Gosselin heard his kids upset their peers by saying “your parents are lying to you.” No one should need a psychology degree to find the subtext in that remark.
Thankfully, the rugrats had a little sit-down and are now being “sweet” about the juvenile delusions of their classmates—classmates who haven’t seen their parents act like vain hellbeasts on national TV. And it’s not like they’re against getting presents from the generous adults that do really exist. “The kids are really coming into their own and they want to be treated as individuals,” the tattler told RadarOnline. “They enjoy different things so while one wants a scooter, the other wants a bike.” We’re guessing the elves on set will get them matching everything anyway.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
For a while there it seemed like Jon Gosselin was willing to do whatever it took not to be an average, working-class citizen ever again. The reality-TV dad was clearly bitten by the fame-bug and would only consider things like suing TLC, selling autographs, and mooching off younger girlfriends to maintain his douche-tastic lifestyle. Happily, we can report today that, unbelievably, Gosselin got a real job in his old field of expertise, working in IT. A source tells E! Online, “Jon is back at work at a normal job…He’s working in technology, which he did before the show.” To which we say kudos and thank God he still has some sense. We were really worried about him for a while.
Could this mean the return of the camera-shy, humble Jon we grew to know on Jon And Kate Plus 8? We can only hope—at least it’s a step in the right direction. The real question we don’t even want to bring up though is who the hell hired him?
[Photo: Getty Images]
In a stunning display of cause and effect, Alexis and Colin Gosselin have reportedly been expelled from their private school for essentially imitating their parents, Jon and Kate. OK, technically a source told In Touch Weekly that the two six-year-olds “fought with their peers, called them nasty names and made fun of other kids.” So yeah, imitating their bitter and bickering parents,Ã‚Â who have been calling each other nasty and insulting names in the press for over a year. Now the two young offenders are to be home-schooled.Ã‚Â Somehow we’re not sure if more time in the house with Kate and the rest of theÃ‚Â reality show circus is going to help them better adjust to the world.
“The things they are saying are not words they should know,” the source continued. “They are learning them somewhere, but Jon doesn’t know where.” Perhaps they learned the words from the cameramen who have been following them around every moment of their cognizant existence. Apparently the children have “rage issues” connected with their time on TLC’s reality show,Ã‚Â Kate Plus 8. According to the insider,Ã‚Â “Collin had such bad issues that he refused to get his picture taken at school because he’s tired of being on-camera.” That is one of the saddest things we’ve ever heard. The kid is six, and he’s probably ready to take a swing at a paparazzo. Did you hear that?Ã‚Â It sounded like thousands of child psychologists across the country screaming “I TOLD YOU SO!”
This isn’t the first time one of the Gosselin children have acted out. According to reports, one of the sextuplet girls was expelled for two weeks last spring for hitting a classmate. And it will probably continue unless their situation changes.Ã‚Â Kids are smarter than we think, and no matter how hard the parents and handlers try to shield them from the chaos and fighting that is a part of their lives, they’re going to pick up on it. Hell, all they have to do is google themselves to get the latest chapter of their family battles. Children look to their parents to learn how people interact and get along. And if that respect isn’t there, well…their next series could be Kate and 8 Plus Probation Officer.