Celebrities — they’re just like us, right? By which we mean, our stars arrive as a mixed bag: We have our American sweethearts, the class clowns and, of course, the bad seeds. Even if it’s normal for a former Disney teenage star to flash her crotch in public these days, Santa does not approve. And yet other A-listers used their stardom in 2012 to rise above the fray, display their philanthropic ways, and prove there are menches in Hollywood. Their hard work does not go unnoticed, and we know those little elves (a.k.a., their agents) are stuffing some A-list gifts in their stockings. Because we all know that Justin Bieber really needs another hoodie. And maybe we need the Lindsay Lohans out there to make us appreciate the Matt Damons even more. Here we’ve broken down our list of our naughty n’ nice celebrities of 2012.
1. Chris Brown – I don’t even know where to begin with this one. Brown brawled with Drake in a club, rekindled a romance with the woman he abused and tattooed an image of a battered woman on his neck. Ah, Chris Brown. You never fail to prove you are the biggest douchebag there ever was. Not only will Santa be skipping your house this year, but I can assure you, Dancer, Prancer, and Rudolph will send you a stocking filled with their droppings.
2. Amanda Bynes – The former child star who rose to fame with All That and The Amanda Show is now giving audiences a different kind of Amanda show — one filled with hit and runs and DUIs. Santa may not think you’re all that this year, but hopefully you can take that as a sign to get it together for 2013. Put down the booze, get some help, and nab a supporting role in an indie comedy to reboot your career. Or, if you’re really retiring from acting, take a break from making headlines too. We’re rooting for you, Amanda.
3. Nicki Minaj – Nicki needs to learn to respect her elders … and the divas around town. She and Mariah Carey have been at it since auditions of American Idol this year, and we’re placing blame on the rap star who allegedly threatened to “shoot” Mariah in an argument. There’s no need for that kind of drama in the search for America’s next pop star, is there? Coal for you, Ms. Minaj.
Phew! For a second there we thought we had a Secret Gibson* on our hands. Justin Timberlake had maintained an uncomfortable radio silence until now about that leaked homeless video made by his friend Justin Huchel for the Biel/Timberlake wedding. We knew we shouldn’t have doubted him so quickly! Timberlake posted an incredibly thoughtful apology letter to his website, the care and detail of which should be a template for other celebrity apologies. Seriously, TMZ should just have a PDF available for download at all times. So why was Justin’s apology such a baller one? Well, let’s see…
1) Justin didn’t actually know about the tape: Thank god, right? “I had no knowledge of its existence. I had absolutely ZERO contribution to it,” he clarifies. “Like many silly rumors that I have been made aware of about the week: It was NOT shown at my wedding.”
Just when we thought we couldn’t feel more uncomfortable about the leaked “joke” homeless video made by a friend for Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel‘s wedding! (We put “joke” in quotation marks because no one human being has ever actually laughed at it.) After Gawker posted a clip from the highly questionable video featuring homeless men and women congratulating the Biel-Timberlakes on their marriage, TMZ tracked down Eddie, one of the video’s participants, who explained that he was given $40 to wish Justin and Jessica well on tape. Again, we have to ask who would come up with this idea for a wedding reception? On a related note, we could not be more disappointed to find out that Justin Timberlake has awful friends.
On one hand, we guess the participants were at least compensated? On the other hand, Eddie (who understandably didn’t know the interview was supposed to be a joke) had this take the video: “That makes me feel really bad … that was a trick played on me.” Good. God. That answers that question. The only question that remains is whether Justin and Jessica are going to ever…you know…publicly acknowledge the video exists? You would think they would have issued a statement explaining how they have idiots for friends and have nothing to do with the video. Maybe Justin and Jessica are extemely busy making love on some secluded white sand beach somewhere, but someone should shoot them an email or something. Tell them they’re going to need to get new buddies.
[Photo: Getty Images]
We can only assume you’re still sort of peeved, Jessica Biel. You didn’t arrive at your A-list reception looking like a more athletic version of Barbie in your cotton candy princess dream gown just to watch a video of your husband’s friends kiiiiind of making fun of homeless people. Gawker has a clip of the video in question, a homemade congrats made by Justin Timberlake‘s friend Justin Huchel titled “Greetings from Your Hollywood Friends Who Just Couldn’t Make It.” In it, Huchel films indigent people in Los Angeles as they wish Justin and Jessica good luck with their nuptials. Needless to say, Gawker has already received a letter from Huchel asking them to yank it. Until they do, do yourself a favorite and take a look. Whaaa? Wedding? Why? What?
“Mr. Huchel made [the] video to be used and exhibited privately at Justin Timberlake’s wedding as a private joke without Mr. Timberlake’s knowledge,” Huchel’s lawyer told the site. We guess you could argue that JTimb’s pals were just trying (and failing) to do something clever or original, but come on. You’re going to go around specifically interviewing impoverished and transgender street people, in order to show it at a $6.5 million Italian wedding for the lulz? Read the room, guys! Read Jessica’s flawless clenched jaw and beautiful steely glare while you’re at it. Louis C.K., you ain’t.
Related: How Rude: People Magazine’s Justin Timberlake Wedding Cover Totally Disses Britney Spears
Justin Timberlake And Jessica Biel’s Wedding Photos Are Putting Our Minds At Ease
[Photo: Splash Credit]
Okay, we don’t actually know if they are hyphenating their names or not. But how cute would that be, right? Let us live vicariously through their beautiful life choices! After months, nay, years of anticipation, People reports that Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake have finally wed in a secret ceremony in southern Italy. (One might argue it’s not that secret if we are typing this right now, but that would be super guache.) “It’s great to be married, the ceremony was beautiful and it was so special to be surrounded by our family and friends,” Biel and Timberlake said in a statement. People plans to publish photos of the couple’s nuptials in their issue next Wednesday, and we are already itching to see Jessica’s wedding dress. You just know that thing is going to be sleek. No fifty foot train for this lady!
The couple has been dating for the better part of five years, but we knew the end was nigh when Justin was spotted at his bachelor party in Last Vegas at the end of September. So…how long do we have to wait before forecasting what great butts their children will have? Oh, never because that’s disgusting? Cool, cool. Congrats, you two!
Everyone shut up and help us look for our overnight bag! We hid a spare one in our cubicle for just such an occasion! Whatever. We’ll just take our wallet. Us Weekly reports that Justin Timberlake had his bachelor party last night in Las Vegas, which means we have precious little time to book a flight, get to him before he actually marries Jessica Biel and convince him to pursue a relationship with us instead. People typically throw their respective bachelor and bachelorette parties the week before the wedding, don’t they? What if we can’t get a plane ticket in time? Why hasn’t America invested in high-speed bullet trains yet?
JTim allegedly joined about 20 of his closest bros at Tryst at the Wynn Las Vegas Thursday evening, drinking and getting down to DJ Spider. Justin’s posse allegedly “took over the dance floor table,” which is perfect because we were planning to have a dance floor table at our wedding. To Justin Timberlake. Later the crew moved to Surrender Nightclub at Encore and Sinatra Restaurant, where, according to Us Weekly‘s very reassuring source, “It was just him and his guys.” Seeing as how Justin finally popped the question this past January after five years of dating, we doubt Jessica is going to give him up without a fight. Ugh, and she was so jacked in the Total Recall remake. Maybe we can throw her off by telling her we actually saw the Total Recall remake? Whatever. We’ll figure it out on the bus.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Guys, today is the day Magic Mike comes out and changes our lives forever. Okay probably not, but we do get to see Channing Tatum strip on the big screen, and that still feels pretty important. Despite the way everyone woman (and, let’s be honest, man) is foaming at the mouth to see Alex Pettyfer and the gang take if off this weekend, it turns out Magic Mike is only the most recent in a long line of awkward, dramatic, sexy, humiliating moments in male movie nudity. From Jason Segel‘s weepy reveal in Forgetting Sarah Marshall to basically every movie Ewan McGregor has ever done, enjoy what we consider to be the top 10 moments in cinematic dude nakedness. Though…aren’t they all pretty excellent? Warning: There will be butts.
Happy Mother’s Day! In honor of this glorious day saluting all mothers, MILFs, and mommies-to-be, we’d like to thank the mamas who gave us Hollywood’s hottest celebs. You just know there is an amazingly awesome woman responsible for the boy who became Ryan Gosling, and she therefore deserves many, many thanks. Without these moms, we would not have Rihanna’s “Oh na na,” Ellen DeGeneres’ dance moves, or any of Justin Bieber’s swag. Today, we’re celebrating Mother’s Day with little guessing game: We’ll show you picture of a hot mama and you guess their famous son or daughter. Click the pics in order or it’s totally cheating, and your mama wouldn’t approve of that. Now let the games begin!
[Photos: Getty Images]
We all love a good marijuana scandal — let’s say it’s the kind of thing that proves the rich and famous are human. Naturally, rappers like Wiz Khalifa actors like James Franco are the equivalent of a super prompt delivery service for these stories. But sometimes we like the special stuff, like when a less obvious star is caught on camera like Miley Cyrus smoking salvia on her 18th birthday. And it’s a riot when celebs full-on boast of their relationship with the green stuff, like Soulja Boy did via Twitter. Were we a little surprised when Robin Thicke was busted for pot possession? Hmm, maybe just by the fact that he got caught.
Now, it’s not like we’re advocating drug use here, folks. We’re just going to celebrate 4/20 the best way we know how, by looking at all our favorite famous people, including Kristen Stewart , Rihanna and Rupert Grint with the infamous Ms. Mary Jane.
[Photos: Getty Images and Splash News Online]
Justin Timberlake, how do we put this politely? Humina humina humina! Boi-oi-oi-oooooing! Hubba hubba! JT is looking all sorts of hot on the set of Inside Llewyn Davis, the new film he’s currently shooting in New York with Carey Mulligan. Okay, so maybe we have a type, but we challenge you to argue that Justin isn’t looking his best with that beard, those glasses and that guitar. This is exactly how we felt when Beyonce got Bettie Page bangs for her “Videophone” video: if you know you can look that smoking hot, why would you ever consider going back? At least keep the hoodie, Justin! Please!
We’d also be interested to know what Amanda Seyfried thought of these pics. “I was obsessed with *NYSNC. Who wasn’t?!” Justin’s In Time costar admitted to Conan O’Brien last night. However, reveals Amanda, “[Justin] wasn’t my favorite — I didn’t even find him attractive in fact!” The Lovelace star’s boy band crush was actually JC Chasez. Yeah, he never really did it for us personally. Give him a mustache, flannel shirt and a Moleskine, however, and we can definitely talk.
[Photo: Splash News Online]