by (@hallekiefer)

J.J. Abrams Says Bradley Cooper In Talks For Lance Amstrong Biopic, Forgets To Tell Bradley Cooper

Bradley Cooper Denes J.J. Abrams Claim He Is Interested In Lance Armstrong Biopic

Well, this is embarrassing. No, we’re not referring to our scrapbook of wedding plans for our fantasy Bradley Cooper wedding. You know we spent a lot of time and effort on that. We’re referring to producer/director J.J. Abram‘s awkward casting rumor gaffe. It all began when the Star Trek director claimed Bradley Cooper was psyched to potentially play Lance Armstrong in the film based on the upcoming book Cycle of Lies: The Fall Of Lance Armstrong. “[Cooper] sent me an email and we’ve been talking,” Abrams told Entertainment Tonight. Seemed reasonable enough (both Lance and Bradley have a similar intensity and devastating cheekbones), until we found out that J.J. hadn’t…actually…mentioned to Bradley that he was supposed to be interested. Man, this is just like when we sent out the invites to our wedding to Bradley Cooper with out technically meeting him first. We feel you, J.J.!

Considering how quickly the movie rumor mill churns, it’s kind of surprising stuff like this doesn’t happen more often. Seeing as how Abrams directed Cooper in Alias in the earlier ’00s, J.J. was probably just getting everyone psyched for Bradley’s potential role in the film and he forgot to play one important call. “Oh my god, that’s so nuts!” the Silver Linings Playbook star clarified to Access Hollywood about the rumors of his involvement. “I was in Manchester, doing the BBC morning show… I had no idea what [the interviewer] was talking about. I didn’t even know that J.J. has the rights, I had no idea. I don’t know anything about it.” Oh, maybe J.J. got one of those Google bot emails from Bradley’s account and just assumed he was in to play Lance? That seems like a reasonable assumption, right?

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Of Course There Is A Lance Armstrong Movie Already Being Made! Of Course We Had To Cast It!

Lance Armstrong Movie In Production

We’re betting the second Lance Armstrong agreed to do that revealing Oprah interview this week, a million Hollywood execs shed a single tear, knowing there could be only one Lance Armstrong cheating scandal movie. According to Deadline, Paramount Pictures and producer JJ Abrams beat them all to the punch, closing the deal on the filmmaking rights to the proposal for Cycle of Lies: The Fall Of Lance Armstrong, a book to be written by sports reporter Juliet Macur. That’s right: they bought the proposal to a book that has not yet been written. Now we want to shed a single tear over how genius that is.

Since it’ll be a little while before shooting starts, we have plenty of time to pitch potential actors to play America’s Most Hated Athlete (You’re welcome, Manti Te’o!). As for who should play his ex Sheryl Crow…um, obviously it should be Sheryl Crow herself. Wouldn’t you love to star in your ex’s downfall story? Meanwhile, we’d love to see Sheryl across from…

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by (@shalapitcher)

5 People Who Are Really Happy This Manti Te’o Story Exploded

The Manti Te'o story has distracted from other scandals, like Lance Armstrong's

It’s impossible not to be fascinated by the story of Notre Dame football star Manti Te’o and his made-up girlfriend. Whether he was a victim or a co-conspirator in this whole deal, he’s got to be feeling pretty crappy today. Along with all the reporters who never bothered to check whether the girlfriend who tragically died the day before Manti’s big game last year ever existed before reporting on her death. But we can think of a handful of people who must be positively overjoyed about this story:

5. Nev Schulman, the star of MTV’s Catfish. Since Te’o and his school are claiming this was all an elaborate hoax, he is basically the highest profile victim of a “Catfish” scheme, and now we all know what that means. This is the best publicity for Schulman’s show, which follows people as they find out the shocking truth behind the person they met and fell in love with online.

4. Michael Lohan. We still think he’s a terrible person, but we’ve already basically forgotten yesterday’s story in Star, which quoted Lohan as saying Lindsay was getting paid to date very rich men. He later told TMZ that he was misquoted — Lindsay makes cash for her public appearances, not for escorting dudes — but we had already moved on to this Manti thing. Either way, he benefits.

3. Lindsay Lohan. For a minute she doesn’t seem like the worst decision maker on the planet.
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by (@hallekiefer)

Ryan Lochte, Tell Us How To Feel About Lance Armstrong Losing His Tour De France Titles

Lance Armstrong Stripped Of Titled

But…but we still have a drawer full of Live Strong bracelets we were planning to wear! We couldn’t have been the only ones shocked to hear Lance Armstrong was stripped of his seven Tour de France titles by the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency today over his alleged use of illegal performance enhancers, right? Or the fact that Lance was also banned from the sport of cycling forever. “I have been dealing with claims that I cheated and had an unfair advantage in winning my seven Tours since 1999,” Armstrong wrote on his site last night. “Over the past three years, I have been subjected to a two-year federal criminal investigation followed by [an] unconstitutional witch hunt. The toll this has taken on my family, and my work for our foundation and on me leads me to where I am today – finished with this nonsense. ” Us Weekly notes that while Lance has never been convicted of doping, he has allegedly done steroids during his career, an accusation that several of his teammates testified about to the agency. So…is this a case of “if there’s smoke, there’s fire”? Or is the smoke just burning rubber billowing off Lance’s bike as he blows past  his competitors? We don’t know what to think!

In case you weren’t sure how to react to the Armstrong bombshell either (suggested emotion: bummed either way), Ryan Lochte has a few thoughts on the subject. “If Lance is innocent, it’s a sad time in sports history,” the Olympic swimmer told Celebuzz.“I know that it would be awful to go through all of that. I don’t have first hand knowledge of all the facts in the situation [and] I don’t like making assumptions based on what the media reports. None of us will know, so ultimately none of us should judge…. There’s always two sides to the story. I do feel that there should be zero tolerance for anything that artificially enhances performance. But it should not take years after seven wins for this to be so heavily investigated and debated.” Declared Armstrong on this site,”I know who won those seven Tours, my teammates know who won those seven Tours, and everyone I competed against knows who won those seven Tours. We all raced together.” Now that Armstrong is out of the game, we guess we’ll just have to turn our eyes to another cycling great for guidance. People like…um…oh, what’s his name…and the other man…the one with the thing…oh yikes. Lance, wait! Come back!

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Lance Armstrong Is A Dad For The Fifth Time

Welcome to the world, Olivia Marie Armstrong! Your dad, Lance Armstrong, and your mom, Anna Hansen, have been waiting for you!

Armstrong tweeted his baby girl’s arrival to the world, writing, “Olivia Marie Armstrong has arrived!” In fact, he was so excited about the new addition to his family (she’s his fifth kid), that he created a “Cincoarmstrong” twitter account for Olivia before she was even born, and then tweeted from her account, “I’m ’bout ready to get outta here!”

Creepy? Adorable? Either way, it’ll be fun to talk about in therapy in thirty years! Oh, and congrats Lance!

[Photo:]

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Kate Hudson Knows What Men Want (Mainly, Sex)

Finally, Kate Hudson has revealed the understanding of men that have led her to hook up with some high-profile guys like Owen Wilson,  Lance Armstrong and A-Rod. Namely, that they’re simple creatures who need little more than “sex and a sandwich.”

“I sometimes feel like when you’re talking to boys, they just hear certain keywords…But if you had a bubble above their head, they’d be thinking about game scores, masturbation and food,” she tells the current issue of UK Elle magazine. “I love boys…but I believe they’re really simple. Every guy likes to say that they’re complicated, but they’re so easy to figure out.” We’d like to think men of the world rise up in horror at this simplistic appraisal, but we actually reckon she’s pretty right. With A-Rod, anyhow. 

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Welcome To The World Max Armstrong!

lance-armstrong

Lance Armstrong‘s miracle baby has arrived and is already using Twitter!

“Wassssup world? My name is Max Armstrong and I just arrived. My mommy is healthy and so am I,” the little guy wrote on his daddy’s Twitter.

The seven-time Tour de France winner and girlfriend Anna Hansen welcomed the 7 lb, 5 oz, 20 inch long baby boy after announcing last December that they were expecting a baby together.

Lance has three children already from his previous marriage. They were all conceived using in vitro fertilization with sperm frozen prior to Lance undergoing chemotherapy for testicular cancer. [Source: People; Photo: Getty Images]

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Top 21 Most Shocking Celebrity Moose Knuckle Moments Ever

What is moose knuckle, you ask? It’s the male version of camel toe, of course! And we have the best — or most disturbing, depending on your point of view — exposures of celebrity bulges ever compiled, including revealing shots of Brad Pitt, John Mayer, Terrell Owens, Mark Wahlberg, David Duchovny and Bret Michaels. Check out our camel toe collection, then dig in to the moose knuckle …

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Related Content: Top 25 Celebrity Camel Toe Moments Ever

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Who Is Lance’s Babymama?

Although Lance Armstrong has had romances with high profile hotties like Kate Hudson, Sheryl Crow, and Mary-Kate Olsen, the seven time Tour d’ France winner has chosen a much more low key lady for his babymama.

His current girlfriend Anna Hansen, with whom he is expecting a baby, is no red carpet regular. Anna is a Program Manager and Recruiter for First Descents, which provides whitewater kayaking and other outdoor adventure experiences to promote emotional, psychological, and physical healing for young adults with cancer. Anna, an avid mountainbiker and snowboarder, hails from Vail, Colorado. She has a degree in biology from the University of Colorado at Boulder, has been a volunteer at the Children’s Hospital in Denver and serves on the board of directors for camp Wapiyapi, a foundation providing hope and support for families with childhood cancer. Lance and Anna began quietly dating in July, when they met through charity work. Check out our gallery of Lance’s ladies of the past! [Source: First Descents, Photo: First Descents, Getty Images]

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Lance Armstrong’s Girlfriend Pregnant

Lance Armstrong is going to be a father again. He and his girlfriend, Anna Hansen, are expecting a child.

“Anna and I are thrilled to confirm that we are expecting in June and our families are ecstatic and grateful,” a rep for Lance confirmed.

Lance already has three children with ex-wife Kristen Richards, who were conceived with sperm Lance had banked before he underwent chemotherapy for cancer. [Source: LA Times; Photo: Getty Images]