by

Time To Ditch The Red String: Madonna Reportedly Has Left Kabbalah

This is hard to believe, but Madonna has reportedly quit Kabbalah in order to join an even more secretive religion, Opus Dei. The star made the red-string-bracelet-loving sect of Judaism prominent when she began following the faith several years ago and several other celebs like Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, and Victoria Beckham followed suit. The Opus Dei, on the other hand, has no celebrity followers that we know of because it’s incredibly clandestine. (And oddly, a form of Catholicism, the religion Madonna grew up in and has always been critical of.)

The religion was famously written about in The Da Vinci Code and controversially involves practices like “mortification of the flesh,” or self-mutilation. Joining the religion even involves a secretive process.  Madonna reportedly had an exploratory meeting at the London Opus Dei headquarters last week but she’s not a “fully paid-up” member yet. Which begs the question, between Kabbalah, Opus Dei, Scientology, and the Mel Gibson Megachurch – are there any celebs who belong to religions that average people are a part of?

[Photos: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Madonna’s Alleged Stalker Breaks Into Her Home, Girl Needs To Up Her Security

Another day, another terrifying stalker silently whizzing past Madonna‘s sleeping security guards on a zip line. An alleged stalker broke into Madonna’s London home this weekend. Perpetrator Grzegorz Matlok smashed a window to gain access to the home, and was apprehended and charged with burglary. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Madonna was at her grandmother’s funeral when it happened. Madge seriously needs to call ADT or release the hounds or something. Even posting a gigantic picture of her ripped biceps would deter most career criminals.

This certainly isn’t the first time Madge had her domicile threatened by someone who loves “Isla Bonita” more than any other human being has ever loved anything, ever. Back in September, a stalker spray-painted love notes outside Madonna’s home in New York; the next month, another scratched “Meet Me” with an ice pick in the side of Madonna’s house. Wow, hats off to Madge for even leaving her bedroom! Madonna’s security forces also reported that in 1996 a Madonna stalker was sentenced to 10 years for felony stalking, after he scaled the walls around her home in L.A. Hmmm, maybe Madge’s security forces should stop gossiping to the press and actually watch the surveillance video, rather than play Angry Birds all night. Oh, you know that’s what they’re doing. We’ve got ‘em pegged.

by

Piers Morgan Already Banning Guests From His New Talk Show

63093846

Piers Morgan has only just taken over for Larry King as the resident celebrity interviewer on CNN, but he’s already taking pains to do the show on his terms and he doesn’t care who he offends. For instance, Morgan has created a list of guests who are banned from his show for no real reason except that Morgan just doesn’t like them. The show premiered last night and Morgan’s first guest was none other than interview queen Oprah Winfrey, but she’s one of the few people it seems Morgan can tolerate. Check out the list of diverse celebs Morgan refuses to invite to Piers Morgan Tonight and the actual reasons Morgan cites for blacklisting each person below:

Banned: Madonna.
Reason
: “She is so boring. She’s too vegan for TV. We have Lady Gaga now so Madonna is banned from my show.”

Banned: Keith Olbermann.
Reason
: “Just because it would really annoy him. It’s a temporary ban, designed to confuse and bemuse him, and hopefully engender a violent reaction.”

See more after the jump!

Read more…

by (@hallekiefer)

Madonna Does Downward Dog In The Aisle Of Her Flight

Yoga is supposed to enhance tranquility and concentration, unless of course you’re watching Madonna practice yoga in the aisle of your plane. Then those veins in your neck start throbbing and all you can think about is making ninja stars out of your copy of Sky Mall. Apparently the passengers on a recent Virgin Atlantic flight had the distinct displeasure of waiting for hours on the tarmac with Madonna before their flight deboarded…and then it got worse. “It was bad enough having to wait, but then she started doing her yoga in the aisles,” said one passenger. There’s not enough money in the world to pay a flight attendant to try and maneuver the drink cart past Mag in Child’s Pose.

“After about an hour, a bus came along and took her and her party of about 15 off the plane. It seemed a ­little unfair—it’s not like she is the President or anything. The rest of us all had to wait for another two hours,” the eye witness continued. It’s not Madonna’s fault! If she doesn’t do yoga by 8:00pm sharp, a bunch of little Madonnas start popping out of her back. And god help you if feed her gluten-free acai berry granola after midnight. God help you.

by

Working Out With Madonna Is Our Worst Nightmare

62645675

Doing aerobics in front of dozens of cameras while hot lights beat down on us, making our already over-productive sweat glands work even harder, is up there on the torture list for us. The only thing that would make it worse is if said aerobics class is being taught by Madonna, the woman who cracks walnuts in her ropey biceps for sport and whose thighs make small children weep for days. Seriously, nothing would be more frightening than having Madonna bark orders at us as we flail hopelessly in our yoga pants and five-year-old Race For The Cure t-shirt.

Despite this visual, dozens of people leaped at the chance to work out with Madge at the grand opening of her Hard Candy gym last night Mexico; it looks like the only prerequisites were that they wear black and/or knee socks and/or spent half their childhood vogueing in front of their bedroom mirror.  The Mexico City location is the first of ten gyms Madonna plans to open. We like the name Hard Candy okay, but maybe she could mix it up for future locations. “Bodies of Evidence.” “Desperately Seeking Six-Packs.” Just our two cents.

View Photo Gallery

[Photos: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Madonna Bad-Mouths The Only Reason We Still Like Madonna

madonnaletteredited

Ugh, Madonna! Look, we strain to look past your fake accent, your infant or roid-filled boyfriends, and the last, oh let’s say, 8 albums you’ve made, to try and like you. Why do we go through the hassle? Because of one amazing movie, which we now find out you were bad-mouthing the whole time! In letter written during filming to her friend Steven Meisel, Madonna trash-talks A League Of Their Own, the greatest movie ever made, as well as Geena Davis, Chicago, and “girls” as a collective group. Says Madonna, “I cannot suffer any more than I have in the past month learning how to play baseball with a bunch of girls (yuk) in Chicago (double yuk) I have a tan, I am dirty all day and I hardly ever wear make-up.” We would scream but our throats are too busy closing up with rage!

“Penny Marshall is Lavern – Geena Davis is a Barbie doll and when God decided where the beautiful men were going to live in the world, he did not choose Chicago,” Madonna snarks. Geena Davis is twice the woman Madonna is (in both height and acting ability)! The way we see it: complaining about filming A League Of Their Own is like complaining about being at the signing of the Declaration of Independence: if you’re bored, then that’s a personal problem. We are only thankful she didn’t insult Rosie O’Donnell, or else she’d be in the process of getting her right-colored hair slapped off her head. [Photo: Hard Rock Memorabilia]

by

Really, Taylor? Can’t Even Muster A Smile For Madonna?

Our favorite sullen, raccoon-eyed punching bag is back! Taylor Momsen attended the Material Girl clothing launch with Madonna and Lourdes Leon last night, and despite being in the presence of one of the world’s most famous women, she still couldn’t be bothered to smile. And what’s worse, her bitchface seems to be rubbing off on Lourdes, who also never cracked a smile. Nooo! You can grimace all you want, Taylor, but you can’t have our Lourdes!

Our favorite pic might be the one where Taylor – in what has to be the dictionary definition of “begrudgingly” – waves to the camera. “Must! Lift! Arm! And! Wave! Oh f*ck it, forget it.”

by

Madonna’s Carnival Kids Have Fun In Paris

SPL199626_034

Our obsession with all things Lourdes Leon continues with these shots of Madonna‘s eldest child and her siblings hanging out at a Paris amusement park over the weekend. We don’t know anyone else who can get away with those sunglasses, but Lourdes rocks them even in mid-ride. Check out Madge, who’s in France to direct her new film W.E., and the kids and their weekend adventures in France in our gallery below. Seriously, Lourdes, will you be our stylist?

View Photo Gallery

[Photos: Splash News Online]

by

Lourdes Leon Is Blogging About Material, Girls

60297074

Lourdes Leon is proving to be just as industrious as her mama. Madonna‘s daughter, who has been famous since before she was born, is currently collaborating with Madonna on a fashion line called Material Girl, which will debut at Macy’s later this summer. Even better, she’s also doing some fashion blogging to drum up interest.

Judging from her first post, we are in love with this girl. She’s cool in a geeky way, she makes a sly reference to poop, she’s not allowed to dye her hair, and she has an awesome sense of humor. Here’s a paragraph from her first blog entry:

Helluuur thurrrr, I’m Lola and this is my first blog entry so it’s kind of like ummmm….

I’m just going to use this blog entry to tell y’all a little bit about myself. I’m 13 and I’ll be 14 in October, so I can’t wait for that because I am FINALLY allowed to dye my hair… THANK YOU MOTHER!! My favvvv color is black (just because it goes with everything) and my least favorite color is brown (because it resembles the color of something QUITE gross).

Honestly, when we heard “Lourdes Leon fashion blog” we figured it would be a lame, phony website written by some PR person, but we’ll happily take this instead. Sure she’s selling her Material Girl wares (today’s entry is all about their tie dye line) but we just about died when we read her take on gladiator sandals “good old 2010 is now coming along and people are STILL wearing them, and then I was just like OK NO! It’s been three years people COME ON!!!!!!!!! I’m just like what????” Lourdes, when can we get together and hang out on the corner making fun of bad fashion? Call us!

In the meantime, check out our gallery of Lourdes rocking some pretty good fashion for a tweenager.

View Photo Gallery

[Photo: Getty Images]

by

Madonna’s Old Journals Are For Sale…Or Are They?

60298133

Dear Diary, Today I shot the “Express Yourself” video. It’s fun drinking milk out of a bowl, I feel like a cat! Meow! Talk to you tomorrow! -Madonna

So maybe that’s not exactly what Madonna’s diaries would be like, but if a batch of Madge memorabilia on eBay right now is authentic, we could be the proud owner of one and find out for ourselves. Melissa Crow, Madonna’s old assistant, was storing some of the singer’s belongings, including diaries from 1988-1992, old photographs and other personal items but fell behind on her payments to the California storage facility. (That sounds like something maybe Madonna would want to pay for, no?) Crow lost possession of the items and they were auctioned off, and now the new owner is selling them on eBay for upwards of $2.5 million. TMZ says Madonna’s reps claim the items aren’t real, but Crow herself has been putting the word out there on blogs like Madonnalicious (really!) to let people know she’s not the seller and she’d appreciate it if people would not buy the items. The blog writes:

I’m not sure if this is possible for you but Melissa Crow asked me in helping get the message out that the eBay auctions of her stuff are absolutely not endorsed by her! She is:

1) Doing everything she can to get these items back into her possession.
2) She wants to make sure that people know it is NOT HER selling these items!
3) And she asks fans NOT to bid on the items.

It would be totally awesome if Madonna fans would honour and respect her request. Thanks!

That WOULD be totally awesome, but that’s not the world we live in. Some other completely unlikely things that would be totally awesome are if Madonna got back together with Sean Penn, a Who’s That Girl? sequel, and the return of her mole. Just not gonna happen.

[photo: Getty Images]