The movie train keeps on rollin’ with Sneak Peek Week as we get closer to the 2013 MTV Movie Awards this Sunday at 9 PM! You can get an insider look at upcoming action blockbuster Pain & Gain during MTV’s livestream with leading badass Mark Wahlberg and director/pyromaniac Michael Bay. All you have to do is tune in right here at 10:30 PM tonight!
It’s happening. The Michael Bay-produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film reboot is happening; according to Production Weekly, the movie allegedly begins filming in New York this April. Seeing as how Bay and his screenwriters have already altered the Turtles’ origin story to make them aliens, it perturbed us to see that the films’ current title is Ninja Turtles. So are our beloved turtles are no longer mutant nor teenage? We fear change! Since we still have a little time before the movie begins shooting, we thought we would make clear what fove changes to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle canon we would find completely inexcusable. Mr. Bay, we know you are reading this, so please…listen to our plea.
Michael Bay, you had better not be jerking us around. You do not put Rebel Wilson uttering the phrase “penis magic” in a doctor’s office in the new Pain and Gain trailer unless the film gives Rebel the attention she deserves. There is nothing we hate worse than a trailer that shows all the good parts of a film. If those “good parts” is one measly scene featuring Rebel Wilson, we don’t know what we’ll do. Okay, we’ll probably rage impotently in a blog post. But still! If you have a Google alert for your name, Michael Bay (and we know you do), you are going to get a pretty unpleasant email relatively soon if you let us down!
Other than Rebel, the rest of the trailer looks…somehow amazing? John Turturro and Rob Corddry are in the movie, for pete’s sake! We love all the sweat-drenched tank tops, we adore the weird skinny dog and the pairing of Mark Wahlberg and Dwayne Johnson‘s quips with such serious music is downright hilarious. Never go back to the Transformers franchise again, Michael Bay. Unless Pain and Gain somehow ends up being terrible other than these few scenes. In which case, go crazy!
You guys! We give you complete run of the Internet and this is what you do with it: dragoon Mark Wahlberg into starring in Transformers 4! Now that Shia LaBeouf has bid so long to the giant homicidal robots of his youth, Michael Bay has had to shut down a few rumors about who might star in the fourth installment of the series. And by “shut down,” we mean “confirm by making a reality.” “I squashed a rumor that was on the Internet last week,” the director posted to his website. “It was about Mark Walhberg. Mark was rumored to be starring in Transformers 4. We are working on another movie together, not T4. I had such a great time working with Mark on Pain and Gain, and he gave such a great performance – well, let’s say that very internet chatter gave me some ideas.” Just when you think your Internet comments might not actually change the face of American cinema … Michael Bay goes and proves you wrong. We hope you’re happy with yourselves!
[Photo: Getty Images]
Sorry, Michael Bay! You might have just deleted the hilarious rant you posted about “grumbling thespians” who worked on Transformers, but the Internet’s memory is eternal. “Do you ever get sick of actors that make $15 million a picture, or even $200,000 for voiceover work that took a brisk one hour and 43 minutes to complete, and then complain about their jobs?,” the director ranted on his website yesterday. Let’s see, the only time we complain about our jobs is when we have to post about Michael Bay, soooo still no.
Bay was seeming responding to comments made by Hugo Weaving earlier this week about the actor’s experience voicing the movie’s villainous Megatron. “In one way, I regret that bit. I don’t regret doing it, but I very rarely do something if it’s meaningless,” the Cloud Atlas star revealed to The Hollywood Reporter. “It was meaningless to me, honestly. I don’t mean that in any nasty way.” Snarled Bay, “With all the problems facing our world today, do these grumbling thespians really think people reading the news actually care about trivial complaints that their job wasn’t ‘artistic enough’ or ‘fulfilling enough’? [...] What happened to people who had integrity, who did a job, got paid for their hard work, and just smiled afterward?” Fair enough, but let’s look at what about Weavings’ experience actually made it “meaningless.”
The lawsuit filed against Johnny Depp, his security detail and the Hollywood Palladium in connection with an incident at an Iggy and the Stooges concert last December (and made available on E! Online) is making us cringe, a lot. Not that we know how much of it is true, but the allegations made by “Jane Doe,” a disabled physician and med school professor, are pretty horrifying: Early in the night, she says some guards tried to block her from getting back to her seat in the VIP section, telling her to go to around to a different entrance, which she didn’t want to do since she didn’t have her cane with her. Later, she alleges that the bodyguards tried to forcefully pry her iPhone out of her hand, dragged her up to a balcony area and then proceeded to handcuff and drag her out in a manner that caused her pants to fall down “exposing her buttocks to the other Hollywood Palladium patrons.” She says she suffered “severe trauma and extensive injuries” as a result. The suit also says that Depp was looking on and talking to his bodyguards throughout the night, and thus directing their actions.
While we wait to see how this drama unfolds, we thought we’d look back (not so fondly) at the wide variety of celebrities who’ve been caught up in similar situations, due to their overzealous security team, overly aggressive fans and photographers, or, more likely, an unfortunate combination of the two.
- In 2004, Prince and his bodyguards were sued by college student Anthony Fitzgerald who said they confiscated his camera after he snapped a photo of the artist in Minneapolis-St. Paul International airport. Prince countersued for invasion of privacy and violation of copyright and trademark law. The fact that we can’t find anything on the conclusion of this conflict leads us to believe both parties settled this quietly.
If you thought we couldn’t work Donatello, Leonardo, Raphael and Michaelangelo into a post with Julia Roberts, you would be wrong. (That’s why we are professionals.) There is a very important reason to write about both of these things today: Some mean guys are intent on ruining our sacred memory of ’90s things that were kind of not that great to begin with.
First, there was Michael Bay’s announcement that his reboot of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would change a key element of the Turtles’ backstory: They are now aliens instead of mutants. And there was outrage! Robbie Rist, the voice of Michaelangelo in the first movies, accused the director of “sodomizing” the franchise. Ouch.
“Fans need to take a breath, and chill,” Bay wrote on his own forum last night. “Our team is working closely with one of the original creators of Ninja Turtles to help expand and give a more complex back story. Relax, we are including everything that made you become fans in the first place. We are just building a richer world.”
Michael Bay never seemed like the kind of guy we’d want to hang out with, mostly because we don’t want have to hear about the greatness that is Armageddon. We get it! It’s in the Criterion Collection! Let’s all just move on! Friends With Kids actor Chris O’Dowd, however, can’t stand the Transformers director because of the way Bay treated his former leading lady Megan Fox. “I don’t know the ins and outs of it but it’s all down to having a fallout with Michael Bay,” the Bridesmaids star ranted to The Toronto Sun. “But who wouldn’t have a fallout with him? It’s one of the [most] sexist things I’ve ever seen. She called him an a–hole. Well, he is a fucking a–hole. She’s not the only one who has said that. Why has she been singled out?” Yeah! We don’t like Michael Bay, and he never even made us straddle a motorcycle with our butts facing the camera!
As you might recall, Bay gave Fox the boot from the blockbuster film series after she compared him to Hitler following some particularly harsh on-set treatment; the director then proceeded to trash her in the news, with Shia LaBeouf providing gross, unnecessary backup. As for ruining his chances of starring in Transformers 6: Robot Punches 4 Eva, O’Dowd could care less. “I would never f—ing watch his films,” he snarled. “Never mind go and act in them.” Meanwhile, we wouldn’t be surprised if there was one solitary tear sliding down Michael Bay’s face right now. Sure he’s going to wipe it away with a $50,000 bill, but the point is it was there.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley‘s Gucci gown has us split down the middle. She wore the mustard and black gown at the premiere of Transformers: Dark of the Moon during the 33rd Moscow International Film Festival at the Pushkinskiy Theatre in Moscow yesterday. Here’s why we’re undecided, though. She’s a supermodel, which means she has legs for days and can make anything look good, right? That’s her job. And to her credit, nobody can work mustard like Rosie can. What we’re taking umbrage at is the sheer paneling on the skirt of the gown. What’s up with that? It’s like she’s wore a pair of hot-pants and decided to throw netting over it. Michael Bay‘s standing next to her and thinking, Score, LEGS! Never a good thing. But, as always, we’re leaving the decision making to you. Help us out, folks. Do we like it or not?
[Photos: Getty Images]
We guess if we ripped on our boss in public, we couldn’t really expect him not to bad-mouth us right back. We just might not expect our entire office to pile on. As Transformers star Shia LaBeouf tells GQ about Megan Fox’s Hitler comments, “Criticism is one thing. Then there’s public name-calling, which turns into high school bashing. Which you can’t do. She started s—-talking our captain.” Of course, Cap’n Michael Bay fired Megan Fox after she used the particularly insulting dictator analogy, which you think would be enough pay back. Apparently not. “I wasn’t hurt, because I know that’s just Megan. Megan loves to get a response,” Bay says. “And she does it in kind of the wrong way. I’m sorry, Megan. I’m sorry I made you work twelve hours. I’m sorry that I’m making you show up on time. Movies are not always warm and fuzzy.” Ah yes, but what does the entire lighting crew think about Megan’s crappy attitude? Craft services? The wig master? WHAT OF THE WIG MASTER?
Even screenwriter Ehren Kruger got in on the action, alleging “She was there for rehearsals. But she seemed like an actress who didn’t want to be a part of it. She was saying she wanted to, but she wasn’t acting like it.” While Bay readily admits he loves Fox’s replacement Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and has deleted Megan’s number from his phone, he concedes, “When you’re days and months on a set, it’s like a family. You say rude things and you make up.” Just as soon as the guy who hoses down the robots gets to take his jab at you.
[Photo: Getty Images]