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Kim Kardashian And Kris Humphries Join The Short Marriage Club

Looks like Kim Kardashian’s divorce from Kris Humphries is now official. “After careful consideration, I have decided to end my marriage,” Kim said in a statement to E! News. “I hope everyone understands this was not an easy decision. I had hoped this marriage was forever, but sometimes things don’t work out as planned. We remain friends and wish each other the best.” Meanwhile, new hubby Kris sounds a lot less thrilled about the announcement, saying in a statement, “I’m committed to this marriage and everything this covenant represents. I love my wife and am devastated to learn she filed for divorce … I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.” They still had that new marriage smell, too!

While Kim and Kris might be ready to sign those divorce papers only 72 days after their nuptials, they are nowhere near the first celebrity couple to bail out of their wedded bliss just weeks or months after walking down the aisle. From Mario Lopez to Britney Spears, Liz Taylor to Lisa Marie Presley, let’s look back at our favorite shortest Hollywood marriages:

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Michael Jackson Trial Delayed, Will Start In September Instead Of Next Week

Did someone not want to interrupt their summer vacation plans? With just over a week until the trial over the death of Michael Jackson was set to begin, Judge Michael Pastor has delayed hearing the case until September, saying Dr. Conrad Murray‘s attorneys needed more time to get ready to cross examine prosecution witnesses. Murray is accused of providing Jackson with lethal quantities of the anesthetic Propofol, which were found in the superstar’s body after his 2009 death.

Reportedly, one of the prosecution witnesses was going to argue that Jackson couldn’t possibly have ingested the drug orally (the defense theorized Jackson might have lined a juicebox with the drug). Considering Murray’s team was already planning to give a pig Propofol to suggest otherwise, one can only imagine what they’ll come up with now that they’ve got the summer to brainstorm.

[Photos: Getty Images]

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American Idol Contestant James Durbin Angers The Jackson Family

The contestants of American Idol start off as media virgins and learn pretty quickly what it’s like to be in the spotlight and have your every move and every word scrutinized, and contestant James Durbin is finding that out the hard way. A comment he made on Wednesday night’s show has touched off some drama between Durbin and Michael Jackson‘s family.

On the live show, Durbin, who performed next to a flaming piano, told Ryan Seacrest, “I have a lot of hairspray in my hair to keep it from jumping around— so much so, the one thing I was worried about was having a ‘Pepsi moment’,” referring to Michael Jackson’s infamous Pepsi commercial shoot where his hair caught fire. Though he didn’t specifically say Jackson’s name, the Jackson family is still offended. The family released a statement saying “We were shocked to see this. It’s nothing to make light of and everybody should be focusing on who was responsible for Michael’s death.” A death which had nothing to do with the Pepsi commercial, so they’re kind of missing the point, we think. Still, Durbin apologized to the family but then Tweeted “Talkin about MJs passing is too soon. Making a reference to an incident 25 years ago..not too soon. The stab was at pepsi people.” Exactly.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Gwyneth’s Country Strong Role Based On Britney And MJ, Says Screenwriter

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Country Strong is the female Crazy Heart: a once-successful country crooner hits the bottle, destroys relationships and then sings their way to redemption. But from what we can gather from the Country Strong trailer, that film is more about the pressures of success and fame and competing with Leighton Meester than Crazy Heart was. The film’s writer and director, Shana Feste, says that she based Gwyneth Paltrow‘s substance-abusing country star on Britney Spears and Michael Jackson, whose death occurred as she was finishing her screenplay.

Feste says, “We build these artists and celebrate them, then at the first sign of weakness, we rally around their downfall. Then we want to build them back up for a comeback. How difficult to live life like that in public.” She drew from real-life performers in order to “present these characters as messy, complicated and conflicted.” And despite drawing from Britney’s life, there’s no sign of Kevin Federline anywhere in Country Strong, unfortunately. Country Strong is in theaters tomorrow.

[Photo: Sony Pictures]

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What We Learned From The Jackson Family On Oprah

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Oprah Winfrey‘s show yesterday featured interviews with Michael Jackson‘s parents, Katherine and Joe, and his children, Prince Michael, Paris, and Blanket. It was pretty fascinating stuff, especially when you compare his well-spoken children who referred lovingly to their father to Joe’s harsh admission that he beat Michael with a belt. Here are some of the more choice quotes we were struck by from the hour long show.

Paris Jackson jumped into the spotlight at her father’s funeral with an impromptu speech eulogizing her father. She was the most vocal and open of Jackson’s children while speaking with Oprah, telling her “I kinda felt like no one understands what a good father he was. I’d say he was the best cook ever. He was just a normal dad, except he was the best dad. He made the best French toast in the world.” She acknowledged the masks that Jackson made the children wear by saying “He tried to raise us without us knowing who he was, but that didn’t really go so well.”

Jackson’s mother Katherine also spoke lovingly of her son, but was more frank about his behavior, such as the addiction to plastic surgery and his skin-lightening. She said her son lightened his skin because he started to lose pigment due to vitiligo and that he “didn’t want to start looking like a spotted cow.” However, she says, “I don’t know what in the world he did to change that, but he did.” We’re guessing the stockpiles of skin-whitening creams had something to do with it. Katherine also says she thought his nose got “too small, like a toothpick” and spoke to him about his addiction to surgery, going so far as to ask Michael’s plastic surgeon to perform dummy operations on Michael’s nose so he would be tricked into thinking he had work done when he hadn’t. It’s sort of heartbreaking to listen to a mother discuss her son’s issues like this, but it explains so much in retrospect.

Even more issues were explained when Joe Jackson spoke and tried to explain how he disciplined his kids. Joe said he disciplined his kids because “It kept them out of jail and kept them right,” and that “I never beat him. That never happened.” Katherine later clarified “You might as well admit it, that’s the way black people raised their children. He used a strap.” Oh, see, it wasn’t Joe administering the beatings, it was the strap that beat his children.

So many questions were answered but so many more remain. And while we cringe thinking about everything in Jackson’s past and all the issues he had with his looks and his addictions and his family history, it’s reassuring to see his children turning out so well.

[Photo: Oprah.com]

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Was Chris Brown Faking His Tears?

We had to laugh when Chris Brown broke down in tears at the BET Awards last Sunday during his tribute to Michael Jackson. Brown had to leave the stage, so overcome was he with emotion at either the passing of the music icon or the fact that he was allowed to sing somewhere besides a boxing ring, we’re still not sure. And now it turns out, those tears might not have even been real.

Us Weekly is reporting that a backstage witness claims to have seen Chris’s bodyguard hand him eye-drops to help induce his tears. Brown’s rep says, of course, the allegations aren’t true and that Chris was just “was moved by the opportunity to pay tribute to his idol.” This guy can’t catch a break, he’s damned if he cries and damned if he needs help crying, which is sorta sad. Of course, if he hadn’t beaten Rihanna, we would all be mad at Us Weekly right now for even alleging that he used eye drops, so he dug his own grave there.

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MJ’s Dad Blames Mom Katherine For King Of Pop’s Death

Joe & Katherine Jackson

Did she cut him off or something? Joe Jackson went surprisingly off-game in an interview this weekend, mumbling—if you could even call it that (watch the video)—to News Of The World that he blames ex-wife Katherine for the death of son Michael Jackson.

Katherine was weeping uncontrollably and highly upset [when we saw MJ's body]. But I didn’t give her a hug because I was MAD at her crying. I said, ‘If you had listened to me Michael would be living now!’ I kept thinking about the times I had stood in front of her saying something was wrong. I couldn’t bottle up my feelings. Katherine didn’t say a word – I had to get away from her. If she’d done what I asked, Michael would be here today. I am incensed with her. She could have made a difference.

Ugh, is he going to add her to that wrongful death suit against Conrad Murray next? With Joe unsuccessful in taking over Jacko’s estate (and lord knows he’s tried), it’s surprising he’d slam Katherine—the one person who’s ever tried to get him a slice. “The world knows that Mrs. Jackson has always been a loving mother and grandmother, and that she and Michael had a very special relationship,” Katherine’s lawyer told TMZ. “The world also knows who Joe Jackson is and he seems bent on never letting us forget.” Burn! Hope News Of the World gave Joe a fat paycheck for their chat, because he might not be getting one from Katherine ever again.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Michael Jackson’s Kids Are The Latest YouTube Stars

Michael Jackson hid his children from the public to avoid media scrutiny, but now that he’s gone, they’ve shown up on YouTube of all places. Blanket and Paris Jackson are featured in several clips that have shown up online recently that appear to have been shot with their computer’s webcam. In the first clip, Paris raps along to a song that’s performed by Omer Bhatti, the man who denied being Michael’s love child. In another, Blanket  gets his nerd on in a fake light saber battle. Bhatti has requested that the clips be removed, but for now, they’re still kicking on the internet. It feels weird and intrusive seeing them hanging out at home, but it’s also impressive that they are such normal kids in spite of what they’ve been through. See the rest of the videos after the jump.

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American Idol: Eliminations Aplenty

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We have an idea for a crossover TV show where the contestants on Top Design renovate the interiors of the Kodak Theater right before Hollywood Week on American Idol so we never have to see those god-awful busy carpets again. Probably not gonna happen, but listen up, Idol producers, we’re leading with carpet talk, that’s how distracting the are. Just so you know. As for the meat of the show, we got two long hours of contestant-whittling, which was music to our ears, and some of our predictions about who was getting kicked off have already started to come true. Plus, Michael Jackson’s family is psyched right now for all the “Man In The Mirror” checks they’re going to get, rieeght? Read more…

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Heidi Montag’s Album Sales Soar To Almost 700

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Remember last week when Heidi Montag was claiming that she spent millions of dollars on her new album, Superficial, and said it would be as big as a Britney Spears or Michael Jackson album? Now that the album has been released, the numbers are in, and, um, they are hilariously bad. A mere 658 copies were sold (as downloads) to date, Us Magazine is reporting. We’re pretty sure our local subway station busker does better business. (And forget the X-Factor, we have an idea for a show where Simon Cowell judges celebrities who want to be musicians but suck, we’d love to hear what he has to say about Heidi.)

That’s not the only bad news Heidi has to deal with either. Monday on Access Hollywood, Heidi told Billy Bush she had some pretty major health complications as a result of her ten plastic surgery procedures, and told him “I almost died after my procedure. I had too much Demerol like Michael Jackson did and my breathing was five breaths per minute which is like almost dead. [I was] in an aftercare center, there were nurses that were supposed to be tending to me at all times.” When asked by the program whether this was true, the attending plastic surgeon Dr. Frank Ryan replied “That didn’t happen as far as I know.” Good try, Heid.

Maybe poor album sales are just karma for lying about being on your deathbed. Hopefully Heidi’s next big procedure will be to have her jaw wired shut. [Photo: Getty Images]