by (@shalapitcher)

Sally Struthers, Michael Madsen, Joe Simpson: Would You Like The Number Of A Good Car Service?

Sally Struthers, Michael Madsen and Joe Simpson

Guys, we’re pretty sure we’re not coming up with this idea all on our own: There are people, actually sometimes large groups of people, whose job it is to drive you around when you can’t/shouldn’t/don’t wanna do it yourself. You don’t even need to employ one all on your own. You can maybe even call one at the very last minute when you realize that your flu medication and that one beer you had shouldn’t have been mixed. Sally Struthers, Michael Madsen, Joe Simpson, Amanda Bynes, these people would be really happy to serve you.

Struthers became the latest in an increasingly disturbing list of celebrities to be arrested for DUI when she was pulled over this morning in Maine. The 65-year-old All in the Family star was actually just charged with misdemeanor “operating under the influence” and was released on $160 bail, People reports. So she wasn’t Randy Travis-raving level, which makes us feel a little better.

Kill Bill star Michael Madsen, meanwhile, wasn’t drunk but was recovering from the flu when he was pulled over for erratic driving last night, sources told TMZ. OK, sources, maybe you should be better friends and drive him where he needed to go rather than letting a sick man get behind the wheel of a hot rod. He was actually treated for flu-like symptoms at the hospital last night, so that’s kind of believable … but police say he also blew a .20 on the Breathalyzer.

And then there’s good old Joe Simpson, who was arrested at a checkpoint last month and tested .12 on the Breathalyzer. Today he pleaded not guilty to DUI and is due back in court in October, TMZ says. The gossip site speculated that he had been at daughter Jessica’s favorite Mexican joint Casa Vega, which is near where he was stopped. We bet it’s also a place where taxis might pick you up.

We’re not picking on you, guys, especially since you haven’t been convicted yet. We’d just like the streets, and our favorite celebrities, to be safe out there!

[Photos: Getty Images]

by

Michael Madsen: Sick, Tired Or Both?

TMZ reported yesterday that actor Michael Madsen (maybe you remember him cutting off a cop’s ear in Reservoir Dogs) was hauled away for involuntary psychiatric help on Monday after his family called paramedics about his “crazy behavior.” Madsen had a similar meltdown in a London hotel this June, but his publicist claims that, in this case, the actor was simply overtired.

Madsen just got off a plane from overseas after a grueling work schedule. He was suffering from food poisoning and extreme exhaustion and basically collapsed. He is resting now with his family by his side.

Whether or not Madsen is crazy, we know his poems are hands-down certifiable. That’s right, “Mr. Blond” has published several books of poetry, including Beer, Blood And Ashes and A Blessing Of The Hounds. Check out the actor reading “Tears”—”I remember my mother slipping into our bedroom with a man I didn’t know. And me f*cking a lot of girls. I like whores, you know…”—after the jump.

Read more…