Beyonce, it couldn’t have happened to a nicer international pop star. According to MediaTakeout, Simon Cowell has allegedly begun courting Beyonce as a replacement judge for The X Factor; the exit of Paula Abdul and Nicole Scherzinger has left two open chairs in the show’s panel (right next to L.A. Reid), and Simon desperately wants a big name to fill them. Don’t get us wrong. We can certainly believe that Simon would want Beyonce on the show. They could just train the camera on Bey for two hours and we’re pretty sure no one would complain. Or even miss the contestants.

No, the bigger question mark in our minds has to do with how much Simon is allegedly offering Beyonce to get her on board: $500 million, or $100 million per year for a five season commitment. You guys. That is all the money. That is literally all the money our brains can comprehend. The American financial system would revolve entirely around how gently Beyonce can let down a pitchy, blubbering teenager. No word on whether Bey will accept the offer, but, now that we think about it…that isn’t the worst idea we’ve heard for stimulating the economy.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

Paula Abdul, we can barely remember a time when you weren’t gently crushing people’s dreams on TV somewhere. Don’t make us go back to those dark days! Unfortunately, it’s official: Paula, fellow judge Nicole Scherzinger and host Steve Jones will not be returning for The X-Factor‘s second season, leaving Simon Cowell and L.A. Reid as the only returning castmembers. “Yes, it’s true; I won’t be returning to The X Factor next season. I’ve learned through my longevity in this industry that business decisions often times override personal considerations,” Abdul said as part of a statement this afternoon. Oh, how it hurts! Like they’re canceling Hey Paula all over again!

So who should take over for Paula and Nicole when it comes to dismissing mediocre 13-year-olds next fall? Luckily there were plenty of names thrown around last year as potential judges that we think would still be a perfect fit. All we need is the sweet, vaguely maternal judge (Mariah Carey, finally?), a judge who weeps uncontrollably (Jessica Simpson?) and an attractive if somewhat robotic British host (C-3PO?). While some of these options might seem like a pipe dreams (C-3P0 hasn’t worked in years), we wouldn’t be surprised if Simon managed to land some impressively big talent for the show. Who do you think should fill Paula and Nicole’s shoes on the show?