So this celebrity just tweeted this photographer of his — or her, we’re not giving it away that easily — grandmother. Is there a resemblance between grandparent and their celebrity grandchild? We think so, yes. More specifically in the hair department. If you want another hint, look at the lettering on the car. Got it yet? Read more…
If you watched the two-hour Jersey Shore season premiere last night, one twelfth of your entire day was spent watching Deena cry and Snooki be pregnant. It felt good, right? Familiar? Call us clinically insane, but having the gang back under one (well, maybe two) dysfunctional roofs for a final season felt right to us. Considering the cast was so comfortable, they didn’t give a second thought to the words coming out of their mouths, we assume they must have felt the same way.
The season premiere of Jersey Shore is tonight at 10/9pm Central, ya’ll! It’s been six seasons and three years in the making but it’s almost time to bid Snooki and the gang adieu. Luckily we have the next couple months to get a truly satisfying conclusion, because we have quite a few burning questions we’d like the last season of JS to answer. Ew…what? No, no, we said burning questions. Come on, people! It’s not like we’ve been using the smush room.
We knew this day would come. We just didn’t know it would be so soon. Variety announced today that MTV has decided to pull the plug on Jersey Shore after the show’s upcoming sixth season. Honestly, we applaud their restraint. It would have been way too easy to keep on trucking down the Jersey Turnpike until Snooki‘s baby started having babies. Better to go out on top, we say. The top being a massively pregnant Snooki shoving The Situation into the hot tub, of course. Besides, there are already so many things we’ll miss after JS is off the air, and we’d like to be able to haul ourselves off the bathroom floor after two, maybe three days of hysterical crying at the most. Things like:
We’ve hyperventilated before about the massive amount of cash the Jersey Shore cast earns for eating pickles and falling out of their platforms, so we’ll spare you our hysterics. Just know that we are literally eating ramen while we writing the words: “several Jersey Shore cast members earn $2.55 million dollars a season.” According to RadarOnline, that is. Interested to know the alleged breakdown of each cast member’s salary? Do you screen your phone calls because Sallie Mae is after you about your unpaid student loans? The answer to both of these queries, we’re assuming, is yes:
- Snooki, The Situation and Pauly D: As denoted by the fact they all have nicknames, this trifecta are the top Jersey dogs, reportedly pull in $150,000 per episode, not counting the $400,000 signing bonus they allegedly raked in at the beginning of the show’s most recent season, a $200,000 end-of-season bonus and any additional reunion episodes. With 12 episodes a season….carry the one and…yup, we were fools to go to grad school. A Master’s in Fine Arts?!?! What were we thinking?
- JWoww & Vinny: Jennie pulls in $100,000 an ep, while Vinny gets $90,000. If you calculated out their hour wage, you’d realize they basically earn $10,000 every time they fall asleep in a tanning bed. Read more…
If we could devote all our time and energy to a site specifically dedicated to sick wheelies, boy would we! Is sickwheelies.com even available? (Note: good lord, it is! Quick, someone make our dreams come true!). Clearly the Jersey Shore cast is on the same page as we are, given how much pleasure Pauly D, Snooki and JWoww got out of the electric scooters they had while filming today. Can totally unnecessary Rascals and Jazzy carts become a thing, please? Walking is so over, as far as we’re concerned. Live in the now, people! Scooters are the new legs!
We’re assuming the scooters came into play after JWoww was injured in a bar brawl this weekend. At first we though pregnant Snooki must need a cart too, then we realized that doesn’t actually make sense. Does it? Snooki’s probably spending most of her time flopped on a beanbag chair anyway. We just hope that when we’re massively pregnant, we’ll get the opportunity to rip wheelies down the streets of Seaside. No, you’re right. Why just hope for something amazing…when we can start saving up for our very own pregnancy scooter today? You’re so smart, The Internet.
[Photo: Splash News Online]