We’ve hyperventilated before about the massive amount of cash the Jersey Shore cast earns for eating pickles and falling out of their platforms, so we’ll spare you our hysterics. Just know that we are literally eating ramen while we writing the words: “several Jersey Shore cast members earn $2.55 million dollars a season.” According to RadarOnline, that is. Interested to know the alleged breakdown of each cast member’s salary? Do you screen your phone calls because Sallie Mae is after you about your unpaid student loans? The answer to both of these queries, we’re assuming, is yes:
Snooki, The Situation and Pauly D: As denoted by the fact they all have nicknames, this trifecta are the top Jersey dogs, reportedly pull in $150,000 per episode, not counting the $400,000 signing bonus they allegedly raked in at the beginning of the show’s most recent season, a $200,000 end-of-season bonus and any additional reunion episodes. With 12 episodes a season….carry the one and…yup, we were fools to go to grad school. A Master’s in Fine Arts?!?! What were we thinking?
JWoww & Vinny: Jennie pulls in $100,000 an ep, while Vinny gets $90,000. If you calculated out their hour wage, you’d realize they basically earn $10,000 every time they fall asleep in a tanning bed. Read more…
She just doesn’t know how to quit you, bro. Jersey Shore‘s preeminent love birds Sammi and Ronnie were caught canoodling outside a hotel in New Jersey today on this, the first day of filming for JS‘s new season. Call us crazy, but we’re pretty certain that kiss is the real deal. After seeing their relationship unfold almost entirely in public, we think it’s fair to say these guys are basically our generation’s Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. Or they definitely are, seeing as how virtually no one who watches Jersey Shore will understand or care about that reference.
Maybe we’re the only ones that didn’t see this coming, but we were 99% certain these two were over and done and had already moved on as of last year. “We are not together,” Sammi declared in October after the gang had returned from their fourth season abroad in Italy. During this spring’s Jerseyliciousfifth season, Sam and Ron were so laid-back about their love, we…well, we assumed they had quietly broken up and the show just didn’t get into it. How could we not think that? Remember how insane their relationship was in the third season? Remember The Incident With Sammi’s Glasses? We still wake up in a cold sweat just thinking about it, but good luck, you two! It’s like everyone says: sixth season’s the charm!
Color us shocked that none of the ladies of Jersey Shore have ever posed for Playboy. Sure, JWoww did an issue of Maxim, but even then she still managed to keep her one-piece on. If any of the roommates is going to show off her meatballs, however, it’s not Sammi. “My boobs are real, they will sag to the floor,” she told HDNet, shooting down recent Playboy rumors. “I just feel weird about my boobs. … But I don’t know. I don’t know if that’s the right direction you want to go in.” Girl, no. You’ve just been around JWoww’s epic beach ball-sized implants for too long. Monster truck tires would feel saggy next to such magnificence.
Not that Sammi doesn’t keep abreast (see what we did there?) of which celebs are posing in their birthday suit. “She looked fabulous. She looked amazing,” she gushed about Lindsay Lohan Playboy shoot, before admitting, “You never know what tomorrow will bring.” Girl, again, no. If even Snooki isn’t doing it, neither should you. So…Deena will be first then, right?
You guys, we just watched the Jersey Shore season five trailer and, well, it felt like renewing our vows. We promised to watch Snooki and the gang in sickness and in health, and between the milk fights, crab flinging and cake strippers, it looks like this season is going with sickness. Kicking off January 5, Jersey Shorefinds the sepia-hued gang back in Seaside Heights for more thrills, spills (of the Meatball variety) and Deena falling down under an overstuffed garbage bag. And Deena crying. And Deena almost getting knocked off a dock by an exceptionally large breeze. Either way, we picked out seven moments that made us think that season five might be the best season of all. The duck phone forever!
So many stooges, so little rational sense behind this casting choice: as if they didn’t have enough foot-stomping, nose-pulling and head-slapping already, the Jersey Shore cast’s Three Stooges cameo will have the thespians of Seaside Heights joining such illustrious costars as Jane Lynch, Larry David and Sofia Vergara for a reboot of the classic comedy trio. The casting choice seems like a baffling decision. That being said, if the trailer shows Snooki kicking herself around in a circle on the floor yelling, “Whoo whoo whoo!,” we would pay to see this movie in 3-D.
As Sammi told Access Hollywood, Ã¢â‚¬Å“Like, you never know. Like, I actually enjoyed acting, and I enjoyed being a part of it, so I would love to see what the future holds, whether itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s acting or something else.Ã¢â‚¬Â Explained JWoww, Ã¢â‚¬Å“For the Farrelly Bros. to say how well we did, it gives me chills.” Us too, but only when we think about all the eyes that must have been gouged while they were on-set.