Slim, Shady and Obsessed With Mariah


Mariahvsem On his next album, Eminem is said to be dusting off his favorite punching bag: Mariah Carey. The New York Daily News reports that a source close to Em has blabbed to OK! that “there is more than one track that goes into really specific, intimate detail about what went on between Em and Mariah.” Apparently, nothing notable has happened in Eminem’s life because he’s still talking about his supposed affair with Mariah, six years after he alleges it took place (Mariah has always denied any sort of romantic connection with the slim and shady one).

If this is true, Em’s seeming mighty desperate for material. Can’t he find someone else to supposedly have sex with and then rap about? Is Mariah’s sauce really that sweet or is he just wack?

After the jump, read a timeline of Em and Mariah’s epic feud…and you’ll see just how lame he is for still talking about this crap.

Fall of 2001 – After her first ‘cross-the-board commercial flop, Glitter, Mariah begins work on its follow-up album. She meets with Eminem a few times for a possible collaboration.

May 2002 – Em launches his first attack on Mariah via “Superman,” a track on The Eminem Show that contains the lines: “Buy you ice / Bitch if you died wouldn’t buy you life /
What you trying to be my new wife? What you Mariah? / Fly through twice”

July 2002 – Not having exorcised the relationship through music, Eminem responds affirmatively when asked by Rolling Stone if he and Mariah were “almost boyfriend-girlfriend.” “There’s truth to that,” he explained. “I don’t want to say anything disrespectful because I respect her as a singer, but on the whole personal level, I’m not really feeling it. I just don’t like her as a person. I gotta be honest; I learned a lesson from it: Don’t believe the hype. I have respect for her, but she doesn’t really have it all together. I’ll just say that and that she’s a beautiful woman.”

December 2002 – Mariah hits back at Eminem with “Clown,” a thinly veiled dis-back on her ill-fated Charmbracelet album. Mariah never mentions Em by name, but otherwise seems to tailor the song to him with lines like, “I should have left it at / ‘I like your music, too'” and “You’re no superhero,” which would seem to be an indirect reference to “Superman.” At the song’s close, Mariah ominously promises, “I’m gonna keep your little secret, though,” leaving the four people who actually bought that album scratching their heads and wondering, “What could it possibly be?” Later that month, Mariah explains the nature of her relationship with Em on Larry King Live: “I hung out with him, I spoke to him on the phone. I think I was probably with him a total of four times. And I don’t consider that dating somebody.”

May 2003 – Not content to let things rest, Em publicly shames Mariah at the MTV Movie Awards. Accepting his trophy for Breakthrough Male, Em says, “I can’t believe I beat Mariah for Glitter.” Though Glitter is over a year old at this point and jokes about it are as played out as yelling, “Talk to the hand!” or “Is that your final answer?”, people still laugh.

June 2003 – Smarting over Em’s comment, Mariah gets all kinds of catty during an interview with MTV News’ John Norris. She calls the longstanding beef “abusive at this point,” and compares it to both a “catfight” and a “drag show,” perhaps alluding to the fact that Em’s secret has something to do with…alternative sexuality. “Get a hobby. Golf is great. Maybe golf. Or maybe knitting,” is her advice for Em.

July 2005 – After perhaps two years of golfing and/or knitting, Eminem resurrects the beef with Mariah, who at has come back with her smash The Emanicpation of Mimi and arguably is a bigger star than Em at this point. He plays what he claims are voice-mail messages from Mariah during his notorious Anger Management Tour. The recordings feature a female voice warbling, “I heard you were getting back with your ex-wife,” she says. “Why won’t you see me? Why won’t you call me? You’re not calling me…” and lead into Em’s song “Puke.” A friend of Mariah tells the New York Post that the messages were recorded by an impostor and Mariah is considering suing Eminem for defamation of character. Mariah’s manager Benny Medina calls it “tasteless and unnecessarily mean-spirited.”

November 2006 – Eminem keeps the flame burning when he revisits his supposed relationship with Mariah again during his Shade 45 show on Sirius Satellite Radio: “Yes, me and Mariah did have a relationship for about a good six, seven months. (But) it didn’t work. I wasn’t really into what she was into; our personalities collided. She’s a diva, and I’m a little more regular, I guess.”

Feburary 2007 – This latest development prompts Mariah to deem Eminem “obsessed” with her in a Playboy interview. “Something is clearly askew with him and I’m not quite sure what it is,” she says. For someone who’s often cited as “crazy” herself, Mariah Carey has never seemed more lucid. He makes her look like the sane one. At least he’s good for something.

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