People of Rwanda!
Let this blog post be a warning to you (er, pending that you have internet access and all). A dangerous, possibly disease-filled monster, Paris Hilton, is coming to your country to “bring more attention to what people can do to help” you. But she will not do this by putting an end to the war and poverty your country has experienced!
Whatever tables you have she will dance on them! She will strip off the clothes you give her! She will have relations with your sexiest young men and then talk a lot of crap about your women – all while filming it so that she may leak it on the internet later. This monster does not care that only “41 percent of the population has easy access to safe drinking water,” she will guzzle it all down and then laugh in your face! Lock up your food when she asks for In-n-Out Burger or Taco Bell. These are code words for “I’m going to eat all the food you have, bitches!”
If you see size 11 footprints in the ground, she has arrived. Run in the opposite direction. She moves in luxury vehicles and can be fast – often sending tiny dogs to track you down. Most importantly, do not call anything “hot.” This is her signal that you want to be BFF, and she will never leave.