Britney Spears’ Guide to Losing Your Kids

by (@katespencer)

britneybabies.jpgCurious as to how to get rid of those two brats that clog up the backseat of your car? It’s easy! Just follow Britney Spears‘ simple guide and soon you too can get your children plucked from your arms!

Tip #1: If the judge in your custody battle gives you a strict and clear set of guidelines to follow and tasks to complete, don’t do any of them! Brit ignored orders to get drug tested, attend counseling and parenting classes and sign the judge’s order. Worked for her – and it can work for you!

Tip #2: Don’t ever get a valid license from the state in which you live. The judge will want to see it, so be sure to still use the one you got in high school in a different state. It’ll piss the judge off a lot! Once he takes your kids you can obtain a new one (just like Britney did yesterday) – but only after your kids are gone, natch!

Tip #3: Do something after your kids are grabbed that prove you don’t give a sh*t that they’re gone. Britney went tanning after she lost her children – what mundane thing will you do?

Tip #4: Once the kids are gone, you’ll probably be all smiles just like Britney! Everyone will expect you to be devastated, but let’s face it, you won’t be. You can finally shop in peace (right Brit?)!

Tip #5: If crazy rumors start circulating that you were doing coke or meth the night you lost custody, don’t freak out! Because if the rumors are true, then you’re kids will be gone for a longgggg time. [Image: Getty]

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