Bey, Bey: Phone Home

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On Thursday, Beyonc? unveiled the newest item in her line of ideas to ensure world domination: the B’Phone. It’s said to be designed by Bey herself although that seems unlikely as it does not come with a lace-front wig and is far slimmer than anything you’d expect from her. In short, it is not in her likeness. It includes an MP3 player and, more excitingly, a song that Beyonc? recorded when she was 10! Says Bey:

When I was 10, I recorded a song called ’632-5792′ — a phone number. It’s a little embarrassing but it’s cute. There’s a recording of that song on the phone exclusively for my fans. I wanted to make sure people got a feel for who I really am. It’s only through this phone that you can get this close to my life.

Oh yeah, she’s embarrassed all the way to the bank. And also, I don’t think that this gets me close enough to her life so that I can reach out and smack her upside the head for being arrogant enough to think that on my phone I want some prepubescent warbling that she has had lying around in a shoebox for the past 15 years. If the phone doesn’t go, “Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no,” then I DO. NOT. WANT.

But here are some pictures of her at the New York unveiling of this worthless piece of crap anyway:

[Billboard / All images: Getty]