Rock Band Band is the greatest band ever to grace the semi-fictional stage. Their performances are legendary. Their attitude influenced generations. And their grooming habits left a lot to be desired. Before their reunion tour, we caught up with them to discover what, exactly, they need to function when they?re on the road.
VH1: What’s your least favorite part of touring?
Rock Band Band: It’s always hard to understand people when they’re not speaking English. People in other cites, like Europe and Asia, they speak weird. And we can’t understand them, except when they get it right and say things like “television” or “popcorn.” It’s really hard for us.
VH1: Do you have a least favorite city? Most favorite city?
RBB: We hate all of Canada because they embarrassed us when they banned us from their country. Canada is the worst city in the entire world. We love NYC, the giant fruity apple, because it’s home, and everyone there knows our names and they treat us like the rock royalty that we are.
VH1: What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said or done on tour?
RBB: Some people say that destroying the Berlin Wall was pretty dumb, but we’re really proud of it. We took down Communism. We ended the Red Menace — that was us. Better dead than red, and we hate red. We like blue. And green. And purple. But we don’t like red.
VH1: Who was the most intimidating act you’ve opened for?
RBB: We don’t open for anybody. If you’re coming to see Rock Band Band, then you’re coming to see Rock Band Band. If there’s someone performing after us, it’s like two separate shows. Other bands don’t like us because we rock so hard that they look like little kitties onstage. We blow everyone else away. Although, we’d really love to “open,” if you call it that, for Norah Jones. We love her.
VH1: What’s the craziest name you’ve ever seen on your guest-list? Who’s your most famous fan?
RBB: The craziest name we ever saw was Murgatroyd Vaginapants. We have no idea who that is, but we put him or her in the front row. We know Tesla are huge fans — Tesla the band, AND Tesla the electricity guy — and we always comp them. Jimmy Carter is a huge fan of ours. Is he still alive? He’s always there, rocking out. Also, Walter Mondale. If Mondale had won the election, we were going to play his inauguration. We still have Mondale/Ferraro stickers on our tour bus. To us, he’s been the president ever since ’84.
VH1: What’s your groupie policy?
RBB: Ever since the Bandies first introduced themselves to us when we were in L.A. in the ’70s, we’ve had a dedicated group of female fans who attend to our needs. There’s this one Bandie who tattooed our name on her forehead. She’s really far out and trippy. We love her. We’ll take anyone, except no amputees. Rutherford is terrified of amputees, so we don’t let them backstage.