Britney Sells a Whole Lotta Albums

by (@katespencer)

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By Guest Blogger Britney J. Spears

Take that, ya’ll! All you people said that just because I have stains on my shirt and eat Taco Bell for every meal and wear the same boots every day that my career was over, but guess what, it ain’t! Ha! My new album is at the top of the charts this week because I am sexy and awesome. I’ve sold 325,000 copies so far. That’s like, a big city of people! That’s probably as many people as in New York, or Disney World, or China! I am awesome! So awesome that I can park in handicapped parking, ya’ll! And it’s not because my acne counts as a handicap (even thought it should), it’s because I park where I feel like, and I don’t care I’m screwing someone who can’t walk out of a parking spot. I’m Britney, you handicapped b*tches!

Next time ya’ll feel like dissin’ me, just remember who is selling a butt load of albums without doing any promotional work for it whatsoever. No tour, no photoshoots, no nothing! I’ll I gotta do is hawk some perform and mess up my kids and you people fawn all over me freaking out. The joke is on you! Oh – that would make a really good album name. I gotta write that in my dream journal. Now if you’ll excuse me, my Hot Pockets are ready and I think I hear my dog barking. Oh – that’s Sean Preston. Oops.

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