A Simpson Family Christmas: Now With 100% More Guyliner

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simpson_familyA few weeks ago, we reported that Pete Wentz was banned from the Simpson family Christmas, due to an interview wherein he stated he sometimes “wishes he were gay.” Not so, said Pete, in an email to MTV. “[Ashlee's father Joe] even called me to let me know he expects me to show up for Xmas. So there’s no truth to that,” the guy-lined bassist said.

So just how will this Christmas play out? The Video Hits 1 Players decided to create a dramatization of the scene, complete with Papa Joe, Jessica, the Black Widow of Men and Movies alike, her quarterback boyfriend Tony Romo, and Ashlee and Pete.

Joe: Ashlee, honey, no. We’re not going back to a size six. Put the fork down.

Pete: So, Tony…I’ve often thought about playing football. Guys rolling around with other guys in tights — sounds like my kind of thing.

Tony: I don’t know. You kind of….wear eyeliner.

Joe: Ashlee, baby, push the plate away. I know you agree with a lot of what Tyra says, but that doesn’t mean you have to be able to share clothes.

Jessica: [Open-mouthed, staring off into space.]

Tony: So, Pete, Drop In Man. I’m a big fan of the band. I think it’s great how you and Ashlee have been able to keep it together for so long in the face of all the pressure. [whispers] Particularly Joe. Does he stay in the same room with you when you and Ash share a bed?

Pete: Yeah. You’ll get used to it. It’s the blinking light from the camcorder that keeps me from sleeping.