Britney Wears a Bra & Stays Home

by (@katespencer)

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We spend a good 95% of our day thinking, reading, and yapping about Britney Spears. And every day it’s the same old crap (like last night: her car broke down, she hitched a ride with paparazzi, Brit rocked an almost nip-slip, slept at the Peninsula Hotel and looked generally trashy and insane) . Life with Britney is like that movie Groundhog Day, except her sh*t stopped being funny a long time ago and we still laugh at Bill Murray. So here is what we wish we could write – a day in the life of Britney that we could only dream of. Maybe someday even just a minute of it will come true.

7AM:
Britney rises early and heads out for a jog wearing a supportive sports-bra, a tank top that covers her stomach, actual shorts and sneakers. Her short, natural hair is pulled back in a headband.
9AM: On the way home for her run, Brit stops by a local coffee shop for a small cup of green tea.
10AM: Britney takes a long, hot shower, washes her hair, scraps off her fake tan and scrubs her finger nails.
11AM: The starlet chews some Nicorette while cleaning out her entire closet, and donates her collection of skanky shirts, butt-revealing dresses and beat-up boots to charity.
12PM: Britney’s kids come over for a visit and she makes then a healthy meal, plays with them in the yard, and puts them down for a nap.
4PM: Mama Brit drives (below the speed limit) her reasonably-priced hybrid vehicle to the farmer’s market and picks up some vegetables and fish for dinner.
6PM: The family gathers for a meal made of actual food, followed by a G-rated movie together.
8PM: Britney goes to bed. Alone.