Britney’s Daily List of Dumb Things to Do Today
- Sleep with the married photographer that used to stalk me after only knowing him for 26 days.
- Get knocked up with his baby because I miss my kids so much after screwing up that whole custody thing. Yeah, that was pretty dumb of me.
- Eat a delicious, nutritious dinner of chocolates and tiny bottles of Zinfandel.
- Oh, I almost forgot — get engaged to my creepy boyfriend so I can look at his sexy goatee forever!
- Go out to buy a pregnancy test in public; let his photo agency take pics of the shopping trip and sell them.
- Drive by Kevin’s house at 3 a.m. high on Taco Bell.
- Light a cigarette in the car with a giant kitchen lighter.
- Not shower, again.