Miley to Make Millions for Book About Boring Life

by (@katespencer)

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We are all about autobiographies when the author has something to say – Bill Clinton, Ben Franklin, Rosie O’Donnell – these are important people with true tales that explode off the page. But a 15 year-old Disney Channel star? What the hell has she done that’s print-worthy? Apparently someone thinks her life events will garner Harry Potter-esque attention, and has offered Miley over $1 million to spill her beans on paper. Because her life thus far has presumably been extraordinarily uneventful, the book will mostly talk about how great her relationship is with her mom. ‘”I am so excited to let fans in on how important my relationship with my family is to me,” the Hannah Montana star said in a statement Tuesday. “I hope to motivate mothers and daughters to build lifetimes of memories together and inspire kids around the world to live their dreams.”‘

Interesting, that sounds a lot like another autobiography we once loved about a Disney star and her mom BFF – maybe Miley should ask Britney how life turned out after her book Britney Spears’ Heart to Heart? We’ve decided to go ahead and do the work for Miley, and are pitching the above book and below chapters as a great place to start. So what if she’s done next-to-nothing in her short time on earth – it can still be a juicy read, right?

Miley Cyrus: My G-Rated Life

  • Chapter 1: I Was Born, Just Like You!
  • Chapter 2: Thoughts on Red Lobster, My Favorite Restaurant
  • Chapter 3: How To Take Pics of Yourself for Your MySpace Page That are Skanky But Not Slutty
  • Chapter 4: Skirts! The Long and Short of my Favorite Garmet
  • Chapter 5: My Parents – Why I Love Them!
  • Chapter 6: My Parents – Why I Will Hate Them Soon
  • Chapter 7: Virginity is Awesome – For Now
  • Epilogue: Things Fall Apart (Eventually)