Madonna is difficult to watch at the best of times, with her surgically enhanced face, ludicrously tacky outfits, cringe-inducing raunchy dance moves and ice queen attitude. Even for the most die hard Madonna fans (us!), her public persona can be quite grating. And now, as if hell bent on a mission to destroy and annoy, Madge is holding a search for the next “Lucky Star” with her daughter Lola. We’re not really sure what the competition actually entails (due in part to the confusing video above), nor are we sure when Lourdes became Lola, but we’re both perturbed and amused in equal parts.
In this promotional video for the “Lucky Star” competition, Madge and Lola bicker like teenage sisters, and fail to actually convey exactly what the competition entails. We’re pretty sure the seemingly improvised skit is meant to be funny, but it comes off trite and condescending instead. And while we’re big fans of Madonna’s music, her acting resume is something we’ve chosen to approach with an attitude of willful blindness — she’s not exactly an Oscar winning performer. We’ve gone ahead and picked out some of our favorite quotes from the five-minute clip, just in case you find yourself unable to endure the forced banter.
Madonna: “I’m not sure people understand irony in this day and age.” [Wait, Madonna, is this meant to be an ironic video?]
Madonna: “People think that I’m, like, a superficial person but I’m not. I love horses, I love flowers, I don’t love hydrangeas, but I love nature, trees, animals. I don’t love all animals.” [I also love money and getting my hair fixed. Can you even be ironic about something that is a cold, hard truth?]
Madonna: “Fruit hurts my stomach.” [OK, admittedly, this made us LOL.]
Madonna: “The thing is, it’s not even about the hair. It’s about an attitude. The Material girl is about the attitude.” [And here you have the competition in its entirety. Kanye West for the win!]
Lola: “Totes McGotes.” [Lola is post-post-modern Gen Y.]
Madonna: “I think you’re a looksist and an ageist.” [Madonna makes up words and successfully makes an ironic comment.]
Madonna: “Someone who cares but doesn’t care. Material but immaterial. Someone who likes to shop but also cares about feelings.” [Feelings like “OMG my butt looks fat in this?”]
[Photo: Getty Images]