Imagined Personals Ads From Some Of Your Favorite Single Pop Stars

by (@kat_george)

On a recently taped episode of The Ellen Degeneres Show, Rihanna got personal about her love life, revealing that she’s not dating anyone right now (Ed. Note — DM me, BB!). RiRi then went on to draft a personals ad for Ellen, revealing what she’s looking for, “I like men that are more aggressive but mysterious but I like a man to be very sure. I like them to be sure of themselves and know that you’re the man. I’m the lady and the only way for us to make this work is for us to play our roles. You know, I can’t really be the man for you. I don’t want to have to be. I’m the man at work all the time.” Rihanna’s perfect man criteria got us to thinking, and we took the liberty of creating some personals ads for some of our favorite single stars who are so awesome they definitely shouldn’t be single.

Lady Gaga
I’m looking for someone to love me for me, because I will love you for you, and that includes all your freaky business. Sure, I’m a monster (this will bode well for you in ‘special’ moments *wink*) but so are you. At least you should be. I only date other monsters. You must be tolerant of my many hats, wigs and vertiginous shoes. If you’re so inclined, you’d be free to share these things and borrow them for your own personal use. You should be creative and boundary pushing and passionate. Our relationship will be an art work, and we will perpetuate high-culture through our love.

Girl, I got a busted heart, so you’re going to have to be patient and kind. I’m looking for a soldier, someone real and tough who understands my past but who isn’t afraid to stand up to me when I’m being an a–hole. Although I am a lover, not a fighter. No groupies or gold diggers, although I’d love to meet this type for parties and one nighters. But seriously, I want a bad a– girl, who is street wise, independent and supportive, or as Ja Rule would say, “a down a– b—h.” Rihanna, are you getting this?

Kelly Clarkson
Oh man, I’m so unlucky in love, even though I’m looking for really simple things. I just want someone to love me unconditionally, that’s including all my messy awkward bits. I want someone down to earth — no rock stars! — just a regular guy next door who is happy to do all the everyday things with me, from walking the dog to spending Sunday mornings in bed reading the paper. He must have a wicked sense of humor, and not take life too seriously! Bonus points for knowing the words to my songs.

Kanye West
Man, I can be such a jerk sometimes, but I really am looking for love, honestly. I just want a sexy girl who knows all the right things to do and say to please a man. I really want to be in love again, like, for real you know? I want someone to share all this with, like Hov and Bey, man, those guys are so happy, they’re my best friends — I want to be just like them. I don’t want to be alone, and I’ve got a lot of love inside me that I want to give to someone special. I’m looking for a girl to have fun with, maybe raise a family. And you know, if it doesn’t work out I will definitely write a song to immortalize you, so it’s not like you’ll be walking away empty handed.

Don’t even bother answering this if you’re anything less than a gentleman. I’m not looking to get my heart stomped on again — I know everyone cries to my songs, but how do you think I feel? You must be Mr. Perfect (this includes not being bothered by smoking and enjoying the odd tipple). You must not be a jerk. You will treat me with kindness, respect and patience, and it will be magical. It will be f—ing brilliant, actually.

Rihanna Drafts Personals Ads On Ellen [Pop Dust]
[Photos: Getty Images]

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