HAPPY THANKSGIVING! It’s time to tackle that tender turkey for your super thankful Thanksgiving meal, and we’re here to provide you with some extra sexy beats to get you through the entire process, all the way from the moment you take your first (but not last!) sip of your mimosa to the time when it’s time to say “grace” around the dinner table. So we made the following playlist, “VH1’s Songs To Baste Your Turkey To”, which can be found on Spotify. On your mark, get set … BASTE!
You’re in the kitchen, everything you need to make the perfect turkey laid out on the bench in front of you. You’re probably feeling some anxiety, or if you’re anything like us you’re having an existential crisis and are considering fleeing the scene. IT’S GOING TO BE OK. Before you start, make yourself a mimosa and relax.
Play: Adam Sandler’s “Turkey Song” — it’s pretty funny, and along with the mimosa should help take the edge off.
Now that you’ve calmed down, it’s time to preheat the oven and grab your Turkey. This part is a purgatory of doing tiny, banal preparatory tasks.
Play: The Offspring’s “Intermission” while you prepare to prepare, and relish the final moments of your sanity.
Here comes the gross part — stick your hand up your turkey’s butt and remove the neck and giblets. Yes, ew. You might want to finish that mimosa and make yourself a new one before you start.
Play: This is a call to arms (Survivor’s “Eye Of The Tiger”) so steel your resolve (Christina Aguilera’s “Fighter”) and de-giblet that turkey (Queen’s “Another One Bites The Dust”). The delicate and squeamish need not apply, this is ultimate battle — The Battle Of The Turkey Innards.
Wash your hands because they’re probably disgusting now and covered in raw turkey bits. Melt some butter. We know you’ve just had two mimosas, so try not to burn it.
Play: Nouvelle Vague’s “I Melt With You,” because after all that fighting music and turkey disemboweling you’re probably ready to rip someone’s face off, and we can’t have that on Thanksgiving. Or any other day for that matter.
Pull the skin away from the Turkey so you can get your hand between it and the meat. Now rub all that butter in there. This is the sexy part.
Play: Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing.” Yeah dude, we’re going there. You’re in it now.
Stick some rosemary and thyme in there for extra flavor.
Play: Craig David’s “What’s Your Flava?” because it’s just too obvious to go unplayed.
Put the turkey in the oven.
Play: Drake & Rihanna’s “Take Care,” so that the turkey knows it’s in good hands.
Your guests are about to arrive. The turkey is going to be in the oven for 20 minutes to start with so make another mimosa.
Play: Classic songs about love and giving thanks!
Notorious B.I.G, “Juicy”
Neil Young, “Rockin’ In The Free World”
Paul Simon, “Graceland”
Queen, “Don’t Stop Me Now”
Rihanna, “Drunk On Love” [and mimosas]
Check the temperature on your Turkey.
Play: Nelly’s “Hot In Here.” Depending on what sort of party you’re expecting, you may also like to take off all your clothes. Or like, maybe just your sweater.
Here’s the fun part: once you’ve adjusted the oven temperature blah blah you get to kick back for the next 4-odd hours while the Turkey cooks.
Play: More sexy thankful songs!
Desire, “Under Your Spell”
Katy Perry, “Teenage Dream”
Beyoncé, “Best Thing I Never Had”
Kanye West, “Touch The Sky”
Bruce Springsteen, “Born To Run”
Fleetwood Mac, “You Make Loving Fun”
The Flaming Lips, “Do You Realize?”
College, “A Real Hero”
Outkast, “The Way You Move”
Maroon 5, Christina Aguilera, Mac Miller “Moves Like Jagger”
Phil Collins, “Sussudio”
David Bowie, “Modern Love”
Pulp, “Disco 2000”
Britney Spears, “Till The World Ends”
Jay-Z & Kanye West, “N—as In Paris”
Hot Chip, “Over And Over”
R.E.M, “Shiny Happy People”
M83, “Raconte-Moi Une Histoire”
Florence + The Machine, “Dog Days Are Over”
Lady Gaga, “The Edge Of Glory”
R. Kelly, “A Love Letter Christmas”
Electric Six, “Talking Turkey”
Rihanna, “Do Ya Thang”
The Afghan Whigs, “Deboniar”
Air, “Sexy Boy”
Alicia Keys, “Teenage Love Affair”
Anita Baker, “Caught Up In The Rapture”
Babyface, “Whip Appeal”
Best Coast, “When I’m With You”
The Black Keys, “I’ll Be Your Man”
Bruce Springsteen, “I’m On Fire”
Camera Obscura, “Other Towns & Cities”
Cassie, “Me & You”
Robin Thicke, “Sex Therapy”
Cowboy Junkies, “Sweet Jane”
Tommy James & The Shondells, “Crimson And Clover”
The Cure, “Love Song”
Everything But The Girl, “Before Today”
Feist, “One Evening”
Francoise Hardy, “Suzanne”
Franz Ferdinand, “Do You Want To”
Goldfrapp, “Number 1”
Groove Armada, “Hands Of Time”
Tina Turner, “Private Dancer”
Ivy, “While We’re In Love
Janet Jackson, Q-Tip, Joni Mitchell “Got ‘Til It’s Gone”
JJ, “Let Go”
Aaron Hall, “All The Places (I Will Kiss You)”
R.Kelly, “Bump N’Grind”
Lonard Cohen, “Chelsea Hotel #2”
Lovage, “Pit Stop (Take Me Home)”
Serge Gainsbourg & Jane Birkin, “Je T’Aime Moi Non Plus”
Madonna, “Justify My Love”
Mike Posner Featuring Lil Wayne, “Bow Chicka Wow Wow”
No Doubt, “Underneath It All”
Otis Redding, “My Lover’s Prayer”
Pete Yorn & Scarlett Johansson, “Relator”
BASTE! And make some cranberry sauce!
The Cranberries, “Dreams” (Get it?)
Prince & The New Power Generation, “Sexy M.F”
Sade, “Smooth Operator”
Soul II Soul, “Back To life”
The-Dream, “Love King”
Usher, “Nice & Slow”
Color Me Badd, “I Wanna Sex You Up”
Silk, “Freak Me”
Guy, “Let’s Chill”
Nicki Minaj, “Super Bass”
Pixies, “Here Comes Your Man”
Atlas Sound, “Te Amo”
Architecture In Helsinki, “That Beep”
The Jungle Book Soundtrack, “The Bare Necessities”
Ding Ding Ding Ding! Turkey’s done! Put on your mitts and pull it out of the oven. You are victorious!
Play: Bill Conti’s “Gonna Fly Now,” the theme from Rocky. You are forgiven for any punching the air, pulling of your shirt over your head and doing laps around the kitchen or loud whooping you might do.
Gather your guests around the table to give thanks. Shed a tear (no more mimosas for you!), hold hands, be thankful, isn’t this nice?
Play: Louis Armstrong’s “What A Wonderful World.” Because at moments like these, it really is a wonderful world (spew, but also nawwwww!).
Now it’s time to enjoy the fruits of your labor! Carve that turkey and tuck the hell in! Eat until you’re pregnant with a food baby! Give yourself food coma nightmares! Eat! Drink! Give thanks!
Play: Jay-Z “Thank You.” Let Hova say it for you while you stuff your face.
VH1’s Songs To Baste Your Turkey To [Spotify]
[Photo Credit: Lauren Deiman/Getty Images]