Our Suggested New Year’s Resolutions For Your Favorite Artists

by (@kat_george)

Happy New Year! As we usher in 2012, it’s time for everyone to sit back and reflect on the past, and make adjustments for a brighter future. You know what we’re talking about; the unavoidable, almost-reprehensible-but-not-reprehensible-enough-that-you-won’t-do-it task of setting resolutions for one’s self. No matter how vehemently you oppose New Year’s resolutions —we’re looking at you, Simon Cowell— you can’t help but make them, even if you do it on the sly. Yep, we know how much of a chore coming up with resolutions can be, so we’ve taken it upon ourselves to create some for our favorite artists…

Lady Gaga: Instead of taking it off, try putting it on. What we’re trying to say is less peacocking, more clothes — we want to see a real human for once (not that we don’t love Mother Monster, it would just be a welcome change to see the girl underneath).








Kanye West: Do not collaborate with Lana Del Rey. No seriously, we know she’s new, but what we like about you is that you are not only adept at picking “new” artists to collaborate with, you consistently find both the subversive and undiscovered.








Beyonce: Don’t spend too much time with the baby. OK that one’s entirely selfish and unreasonable on our part, but what will we do without at least 7 new Beyonce videos in 2012? WHAT WILL WE DO?









Adele: Reveal the name of the man who broke your heart so we can all send him angry Tweets. Yeah, OK, that’s fairly petty (do it), so maybe just quit smoking and get well soon?








Rihanna: Lose the loser. Do not go back to Chris Brown. If we have to tell you why then there’s no hope for you. FIN.








Drake: Tell Rihanna how you really feel. C’mon, we know you want to. And she’d be lucky for a gentle soul as yours!








Katy Perry: Break that record. Six number ones from one album is the aim — we know you can do it Katy (and don’t sweat it over Russell).








Britney Spears: Dance until the world ends.








Justin Timberlake: New album, please. Everyone’s been begging you in 2011, surely you can’t be this cruel that our pleas should fall on deaf ears?








Kelly Clarkson: Give love a chance. We’re tired of seeing you so dark on romance, girl.








Pitbull: Show us those baby blues. Or greens or browns. We’re not even sure. Death to the sunglasses at night!








Mark Foster: Call me.





[Photos: Getty Images]

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