5 Imagined Scenes From The Forthcoming Ke$ha Documentary

by (@kat_george)

While Ke$ha doesn’t like unauthorized documentaries being made of her life, she’s now hinting, via Twitter, that there might be an official one in the works:

While we’re sure Ke$ha’s wild life will have plenty of juicy action to make for a thrilling documentary, we’ve got a few little fantasies of our own. Based on what we know of Ke$ha’s life, career, likes and dislikes and high powered friends, we’ve fictionalized 5 scenes we’d like to see in the final cut:

1. A 24 themed title sequence set to “Tik Tok”
“Hi, I’m Ke$ha, and this is the longest day of my life.” Cue frenetic, fit-inducing paced montage of images of Ke$ha, on stage, tongue out, crowd surfing, doing make up, in the studio, hugging Britney etc. Set it to the sound of “Tik Tok,” and finish with the word “Ke$ha” spelled out in the font style of a digital clock, and let the letters tick over into the time. Cut to a scene of Ke$ha waking up — obviously our imagined documentary revolves around a day in the life of Ke$ha.

2. Ke$ha “drops by” the studio where Paris Hilton is recording her new album
Following the heart racing opening credits, we see Ke$ha in the back of a car. “It’s going to be a big day. There’s so much to do. An old friend is recording a new album so I’m just going to drop in there and lay down a verse.”

At the studio, we follow Ke$ha through the halls in a first person style camera angle. She opens to the door to the studio and the “old friend” is revealed. Behind some glass Paris Hilton is singing into a microphone. She sees Ke$ha and calls “cut!” then comes out, all elbows and squeals, and the two embrace, saying things like “Oh hey babe!” and “Did you get your hair done, I love it!” Paris talks to the camera briefly about how excited she is to have Ke$ha on her track, and how she knew Ke$ha would be a star since first meeting her on The Simple Life:

Cut to Ke$ha at the microphone, rapping like a pro. “One take!” she cries when she’s finished, high-fiving Paris before scooting off to her next engagement.

3. Babysitting Britney’s Kids
We’re back in the car with Ke$ha, and she tells us that next she has to run a “personal errand.” The car pulls up at what can only be described as a mansion, and Britney Spears is standing out the front with her two boys, one in her arms and one holding her hand by her side. Ke$ha turns to the camera, “I’m babysitting Jayden and Sean while Brit goes to a meeting, I love these boys!”

Britney passes off the kids to Ke$ha, and the scene cuts to the Ke$sha in Britney’s bathroom, the floor littered with costumes and makeup. The boys are dressed like glam rock stars and Ke$ha is putting glitter makeup on their faces. She too is dressed up, and leads the boys in a performance of Britney’s “Baby One More Time.” A breathless Ke$ha tells the camera, “Yeah we do this all the time. We record the videos so mommy can watch them when she gets home. She loves it!” (Naw!).

4. Ke$ha shows us her glitter filled pool
“So I just had something pretty neat put in at my house that I want to show you guys,” Ke$ha says to the camera. We’re out the front of her house and she’s leading us through the front door. Soon we come to a sun filled atrium, with a huge, glistening pool in the center. Only the pool isn’t filled with water — it’s filled with glitter.

“Glitter is my personal brand,” Ke$sha says, walking around the edge of the pool. “I live glitter. And this just makes it easier for me to cover myself in it!” Ke$ha dives into the pool [audience wants to dive in too, this being a moment of extreme wishing we could be BFFs with Ke$ha], and as she emerges is laughing and throwing glitter at the camera.

5. A scene where she breaks a bunch of animals out of a testing clinic
In the car, Ke$ha is whispering. It’s late night and we’re parked in an empty lot in front of what looks like an abandoned building. To camera, Ke$ha says, “I can’t tell you what I’m about to do. But it’s in the name of justice.” She pulls a balaclava over her face and gets out of the car. As she runs towards the building we can see she is wearing a black catsuit and looks like a burglar.

Moments later an alarm starts blaring and animals begin flooding out of the building. Suddenly Ke$ha is back in the car, this time holding an adorable white bunny. “Go, go, go!” she screams at the driver. As the car screeches off and the alarm sound fades in the distance, Ke$ha relaxes back into her seat and pets the bunny on the head. “I don’t believe in animal testing; those little critters deserve to be free! But this guy [patting the bunny] — I just had to keep him for myself. He’s too adorable!”

Ke$ha: The Documentary [Pop Dust]

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