For every Michael, Beyoncé and Usher, there’s a Christina, Mariah or Rihanna. Try as they might, the latter group of hot pop acts just can’t coordinate that whole singing-while-dancing thing. Their beats and belting may be tight on the radio, but when it comes to rocking dance moves in a music video, even some of the best sirens fall flat. For your amusement, check out these hilarious GIFs (you’re welcome) of crooners we adore who demonstrate some of the worst rump shaking we’ve ever seen. Debate our list in the comments below and, more importantly, let us know whose lack of rhythm we failed to catch.
Mariah Carey - “Shake It Off”
Moroccan and Monroe weren’t even zygotes yet, but Mariah looks like she was practicing serious mom moves in this video. Luckily, Mimi’s vocal acrobatics helped us shake off the memory of her awful wannabe thug life bleacher rocking, so all is forgiven.
Chris Brown put down a few dance moves in Brandy’s latest music video, but she didn’t seem to quite pick them up. Bran cabbage patched and jerked her way through some twerk moves during the bass-heavy chorus of her most recent R&B jam. It’s alright, though. Close your eyes and you can still fall in love with Brandy’s sexy, smokey tone.
Rihanna – “Where Have You Been”
There’s no doubt RiRi knows how to trill to the top of the charts. Too bad her knack for hot tracks doesn’t translate on the dance floor. Rihanna tried to keep up with the Calvin Harris-produced EDM track, but you can practically see her counting in her head as she works through detailed choreography. Thank goodness that those topless shots are in there to distract us!
Her powerful pipes might be hard to resist, but Jessica’s tense hip swaying in “Irresistible” had us running away from her awful attempt at basic one-two stepping. Looks like former ballerina Ashlee got all the rhythm in this family.
I’d love to say Katy’s moves were hot in this video, but they weren’t. That sprinkler move was pretty sweet, though. And, really, who cares what you’re doing when you have whipped cream spraying from your chesticles?
If you’re going to dance, but you know you’re no Bob Fosse, take a cue from Kelly and surround yourself with regular fans. Stars dance badly just like us!
Gangling-limbs flailing, 15-year-old Mandy looked like a cheerleader who stepped straight from the pages of a Sweet Valley High novel for an impromptu performance. Who knows where she might have ended up if Mandy continued her bad dancing career.
Sixteen-year-old Miley exchanged her typical hair flinging rocker moves for booty wiggling in Daisy Dukes to party in this video. Guess a little underage pelvis popping is to be expected. It’s Miley! Anyone else feel like a shady frat guy scoping a party for underage girls while watching?
Nelly did a straight up Elaine Benes impression in the music video for her sensual song. Not exactly the smooth moves I would expect from a promiscuous girl, but she gets bonus points for being mom to a three-year-old at the time and looking like that.
Diddy – Any music video he’s in.
Diddy loves to dance. Diddy thinks he’s a great dancer. Diddy is wrong, but as long as he serves up a hit, do you really care? No. That’s why you can watch him doing what looks like a cross between praise dancing and having a seizure in “Mo Money, Mo Problems” and looking like a drunk uncle trying to salsa with J. Lo in “Been Around The World.”
It’s an undisputed fact (science) that people considered Whitney Houston one of the greatest vocalists of all time. From ballads to upbeat dance tracks, she belted like the best in the business, but boy was she an awful dancer. No matter, this song still gets everyone on their feet whether they dance like Whitney or Britney circa 2000.
Christina Aguilera – “Genie In A Bottle”
X-Tina hadn’t quite emerged as the dirrty little dance freak we know and love when she put out her debut music video, so forgive The Voice star if her moves are a little stiff. It’s cramped in that bottle.
What the hell, Avril? The dance break in this video should have ended at the finger wag, but I’m no director. Lucky thing her punk pop vocals and “Mickey” beat are so damn catchy.
Oh, Jesse. He went from “Beautiful Soul” singing to – is that a grapevine he’s doing? Maybe he should have spent less time shaking and more time promoting his last album, because he’s actually pretty decent…on the radio.
[GIF Credit to Lauren Olson]