Christina Aguilera plays a real femme fatale in the new video for “Your Body,” drawing men in one by one and letting them get handsy with her before turning them back out as splatters of paint and piles of confetti. She struts around looking either like she’s just cleared out Claire’s at the local mall, her wrists loaded heavy with big jewels, or like she’s just lost a round of paintball, her hair streaked with bright colors. And we, like the men in the video, couldn’t stop staring because these aren’t just statement pieces, they are warnings like an exotic bird’s warning colors. She’s decked out, each adornment a lure and possibly too a warning.
Should you come across your very own femme fatale with potentially homicidal tendencies, here are 8 fashion signposts that can help you decide whether to stay or to bolt:
The Black Beanie: She’s wearing this at the bar where she takes the guy into the bathroom and makes a big and bright blue paint stain out of him. She looks cute and cozy in this black beanie, sure, but he should have known that black hats are always a sure sign of a bad guy.
Black Bandana With A Veil: She’s out on the side of the road looking for a ride, but dressed for a funeral in a turbaned black bandana complete with black lace veil.
Rainbow highlights: Like a poisonous dart frog and it’s neon stripes, Christina wears bright pink and purple highlights in her otherwise bottle-blonde mane are there to mark that she’s not like the rest of them.
Rhinestone “Rich Bitch” necklace: Just don’t let those shiny rhinestone’s distract you, because this one more or less speaks for itself, marking her plainly as she is in this video.
Sunglasses: These are flashy, and they certainly work just right on the cute gas station attendant, but be warned that they hide the hunger in her eyes and therefore the danger that may be coming.
Studded starfish earrings: These are sort of charming, like something you might have made at summer camp after a day of sea shelling, but see how tough they look all studded like that? Definitely could be used as a weapon.
Dagger ring: Again, a unique fashion statement for her, but million tiny puncture wounds just waiting to happen for you.
Baseball Bat: Doesn’t even match her outfit…